Help. How do I stop feeling so guilty about my ex

(3 Posts)
Charlieread1 Sun 16-Feb-20 10:04:36

Hi guys, first time poster here so I’m sorry if this has been gone over before, I’ve also put this in the dads net one but it doesn’t seem very active over there.

Basically me and baby mama have been split up for 2 and a half years now but I still can’t get over her. She’s just started seeing someone and it feels like someone has removed my soul.

We split up in Oct 17, mainly due to the mental health issues I was suffering from March that year. Without going in to explicit detail I had a major issue with a former business partner who went round spreading rumours about me and it just sent me in to depression, and severe anxiety. I wouldn’t want to drive certain roads, i wouldn’t go places and I sold my other business so I didn’t have to be around anyone.

During this time i wasn’t great to be around and was very snappy. I took it out on her a lot. It’s totally my fault but I just couldn’t help it. When this was going on she started staying out after work and getting drunk and stuff it caused further strain because I felt I needed her there and felt she was neglecting me when I needed her the most.

We split up late October and carried on living together till January. For the first few months I was ok i didn’t miss her at all, but I just all changed and I can’t pinpoint when, I just feel like I let her down. We started getting along a lot better and started doing things again - I even took her to a Liverpool match - she was invited to everything with the boy and my family and it was all ok.

I even wrote her a 18 page letter explaining where my head was when we went through those last few months and stuff to try make sure she didn’t feel bad but she said all that did was make her feel worse.

Anyway, this weekend I walked in to her house to drop off the boy (he lives with me 5 days a week) and on the sofa there was a valentines card “to my boyfriend” when I asked her I got the normal none response of a mumble. It absolutely crushed me. I can’t explain it. I picked my son up yesterday and had to try my best (and failed) not to cry in front of him. I just feel like I’ve let him and her down by not being the person I should’ve been for them. It’s absolutely crushed me I can’t even begin to think of what it will be like if she wants to introduce him to my son. I know I need to get over her, I’ve tried. I wasn’t dating this girl but i was sleeping with her up until a few weeks ago when funnily enough she told me she wanted a relationship but I told her I just wasn’t ready. I really need advice to get past all this and be happy. Every time I think of getting a gf I feel sick like I’m cheating on her or something, I feel like I can never meet anyone and online dating is definitely not for me, I just don’t know what to do and feel completely lost and my son seeing me cry has upset me even more. I don’t blame her for being with someone, i just want to stop feeling so guilty. I want her to be happy but her happiness is killing me not because I’m jealous just because I feel like I can’t make things right and I don’t know what to do.

OP’s posts: |
lexiepuppy Wed 15-Apr-20 02:52:11

You should have posted this in relationships.

I hope you are doing better!

You need to grieve this relationship and take a step back from it.

You will go through many different stages and emotions.
Men can cry infront of people/children, it is a valid emotion.

If you are still not getting over the relationship you should look at getting some counselling.

I’m the meantime , check out these YouTube relationship counsellors:

Susan Winter
Matthew Hussey
Derrick Jaxn
Alex Cormont

Stay strong 💪

Midnightmusing Wed 15-Apr-20 03:21:35

* I took it out on her a lot. It’s totally my fault but I just couldn’t help it.*

Unless you have some kind of brain injury this is just not true. You have free will and could have helped it if you wanted to. You were in control and chose to be unpleasant to your partner because you were struggling.

I feel for anyone navigating a relationship breakup with a child but you have to take responsibility for your behaviour or you will just repeat the same mistakes again.

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