Opinions wanted: Ex and his family re children.

(1 Post)
Arw86 Mon 07-Oct-19 06:49:43

Hi all, apologies if this is posted in the wrong area I'm naive to posting and I've been up most the night for overthinking so apologies for waffling.

So after 12yrs I split from my two's dad (now 12 and nearly 11) mainly because of his "functioning alcoholism" and because he told everyone I was faking an immune disorder, or exaggerating the symptoms cause I'm lazy - never mind I gave blood transfusions every 4 weeks, have lost and keep losing incredible amounts of weight and the fact that 3 specialised hospitals are managing my care - I'm a good actress lol anyway.....

Ex was originally seeing kids every other weekend and it fluctuated depending on his behaviour I.e with the drinking, it was ok then he met a new gf who's a drinker and it's got to the point where since may 2019 I haven't allowed him access because he won't stop drinking.

Now inbetween all this over the last 18months there has been NOTHING from his family, we've had him turn up drunk causing a scene the police have been involved 3 times but lack of injury they cant do anything. I would message his dad in between incidents to ask for help before police involved but he has always stayed out of it and left messages unanswered. I let the kids go to g/dads for daughters birthday 08/08/19 invited grandad in for tea when he dropped them home we chatted and all was very civil and nice, he explained he was going on 2 week holiday but HE would like to have children regularly and we can sort out supervised access for dad ( something I've been asking for since may)
Weeks came and went nothing from grandad, usual rubbish from dad posts on social media, drive bys the house, intimidating when bumped into at asda etc. Just carried on kids decided they lost interest he hasn't stopped drinking, moved gf and her kids into house, my kids found out via playground talk that their promised "forever home" now wasn't, everything he tells friends and family and has told kids that I'm lying about or poisoning the with they have seen for themselves with his drunk appearances causing trouble, not to mention all the vile texts to me, my mum and my current partner.
3 weeks ago he turned up VERY drunk to drop off old belongings that we had given up asking for months ago - he likes to turn up at the weekend because he knows my partner stays over. So this particular Sunday morning he turns up and my bf and brother are outside, they tells him he needs to go but he starts and before you know it my brother is trying to keep my ex off my bf, he left when he realised I was on phone to police, charges dropped because kids begged my brother not to have dad arrested and everyone including my bf was in agreement. Maybe it was what was needed no social media posts, no texts, no whispers between people following this event unlike all the others.
2nd week kids at school, I see him and/or his gf every day same time different locations, it's been in cars or across road, outside school and the best mcdonalds drive thru - he was in van with gfs kids happy laughing and throwing chips and eating. My 2 saw this - my daughter called him a W****r first I've heard her swear ever and said "well that's another lie" I assume because he likes to bleat how depressed he is because he misses them so much its caused him to be suicidal always evident of the opposite. I explained that he's well within his rights to move on and be happy, whatever his actions regarding them is out of our control but we'll deal with it.
He saw us in the car and quickly drove off. That evening strangely enough grandad called, didnt answer. Message asking to see kids. Ignored. That was tuesday and I left another 4 calls and 2 texts unanswered- I've been in hospital this week and my calls and texts were always unanswered. I replied Friday and said along the lines of where have you been, there's no effort, no one checks up on kids even after incident with police, only ever hear from him when dads feeling guilty after seeing being seen. Told him kids fine and they've been asked and they not ready to see you at mo. Ignored and replied when can I see them. So I ignored the following calls. Saturday morning g/dad turns up at my door because I wont answer, I explained again where have you all been keep telling everyone you all miss the children so much but never attempted anything no calls post email text social media nothing. Daughters birthday heard nothing until incident 3 weeks ago wheres effort, he kept asking what did I want him to do, I want money is that it. I said shouldn't have to tell you, and I wont and if you dont know you better find out what effort you should put into g/kids, I dont want anything let alone money, he called me crazy twice used the same phrase ex did! Aside from that he couldn't say much else so it ended with him saying "not gonna let me see em no" i said for now they dont want to and I agree so no. He walked off.
Now I've always been very respectful to f-in-law, never spoken out of turn, always left it open for him to see kids but there's been nothing from them.
Sunday night g/dad text telling me I am only punishing the children, I have to come to some kind of amicable arrangement or he will seek action with appropriate channels. Ignored
Mediation have already deemed case unsuitable for them and suggest to ex and his family, as did police and the NCDV to seek a court hearing.....but I guess that involves spending money to prove me right hmm sorry - shouldn't be facetious!

So if you made it this far thanks!! I tried to get as much in as poss but theres loads to it. I just wanted to see if people thought I was doing the right thing or I was being harsh.
Many thanks

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