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Fallen out with neighbours

(17 Posts)
Mumtoaliens Tue 01-Oct-19 22:32:56

Our neighbours are having a load of work done. They’ve not been there for weeks. They rock up at 19:30 last week and start doing bits and bobs. Bit of noise but ignorable. At 20:40 they start loudly scrapping the walls literally sounds like they are in our house. We have two children who’s at this point and going what is that noise and pretty much petrified. I text saying it’s loud. Get a response ‘oh we’re just stripping the walls, we’ve finished moving furniture’ I text back yeah it’s really loud. No response. Husband is pretty much furious as they have children themselves but they weren’t in the house. He went over as I had no text response. Neighbours response was ‘it’s got to be done. We’ll be going for another half an hour’ at this point my husband has lost his temper and got really angry. Their responses were ‘you’ve had loads of work done’ (we had some work done one Sunday morning. They were supposed to be in holiday and they returned early work started at 9:30 finished at midday). It turned into a proper row.!
Wife speaks to me today saying she is disappointed by my husbands behaviour and that they expect an apology. I know potentially hubby could have stayed slightly calmer than he did. But am I wrong in thinking they should never have been doing the diy at this time of night anyway!?

Gazelda Tue 01-Oct-19 22:40:04

They should have stopped when you texted to say about the loud noise. I presume your text message was friendly and polite?
But your DH seems to have over reacted. He lost his temper. He got very angry. His behaviour merits an apology. That sounds like an over reaction.
Try being conciliatory. I don't know if their request for an apology is reasonable, but it wouldn't hurt to have a friendly chat to smooth things over. The last thing you want is a neighbourly war.

lj10m75 Wed 02-Oct-19 02:46:35

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LoreleiRock Wed 02-Oct-19 02:53:01

Your children were petrified? Could you not have just reassured them? I think you were unreasonable, I don’t get why you could not have just asked them to be quieter, instead of starting a huge row. Talk about mountain out of a molehill.

Mumtoaliens Wed 02-Oct-19 07:04:28

We did ask them to stop. And they did not. My eldest has anxiety problems anyway and noises like the one being made just make this worse. He was convinced there were things crawling in the walls.

Bourbonbiccy Wed 02-Oct-19 07:18:11

How old are your children? I can understand your frustration if your son has anxiety issues.

I can also understand them needing to get the work done and it wasn't really late.

I think your husband was way out of line getting aggressive about this, he should learn to deal with things in a different way. As soon as he got angry or aggressive you lost any right to think you were being reasonable. He should apologise and he should explain to the children this is not the way to behave.

LittlefairyMum Wed 02-Oct-19 07:23:21

You both made the situation X10 worse and upset your own children.

Does your husband usually have anger issues?

CornishCreation Wed 02-Oct-19 07:35:15

It's only work it's not as if they were having a party until the early hours, and I would assume they don't do it regularly and had stated they'd be half an hour!

I would have just put up with it for one night as they were doing work and they probably ignored your text because they thought you were being pedantic.
Also if you came racing round our house with an aggressive attitude over something so petty, we would have had nothing more to do with you let alone approaching you for an apology.
You sound like awful neighbours, I'm glad you don't live near me.

stucknoue Wed 02-Oct-19 07:42:01

The problem is that before 10pm or so they are not doing anything wrong, it's just as annoying when you are lying in bed at 8am on a Sunday and your neighbours kids are making loads of noise ... annoying but not anything wrong that you can complain about. I've spent many an evening decorating, if you work when do you suggest doing it, wallpaper stripping isn't that noisy

Mumtoaliens Wed 02-Oct-19 08:03:46

Wow I love the comment where the person says I’ve upset my own children!? Not really sure how I’ve done that.
I understand my husband should have dealt with this in a more gentle way, as I said. My question was, about the time of the diy. And the scrapping was that loud that we were unable to hear the television. And no that is not an exaggeration.

Windygate Wed 02-Oct-19 08:27:14

The rules and regulations around noisy building works are for paid professionals not DIY by the occupiers.
Neighbours make noise be it the TV, music, noisy children or DIY. They said they'd be finished just after 9pm and that's not unreasonable.
You had tradesmen in working on a Sunday morning which isn't allowed but they didn't complain until your DH had a go at them.

Is it really worth upsetting neighbourly relations over this? An quick apology and a polite request that they stop noisy work by 9pm might be for the best.

doublebarrellednurse Wed 02-Oct-19 08:33:51

I pretty sure noise before 9pm is considered normal and reasonable for domestic premises. I'm sure many people would up to 10pm.

Sadly one of the joys of living with adjoining walls. It doesn't matter how considerate you may be people work to their own standards.

tenredthings Wed 02-Oct-19 08:41:15

falling out with neighbours is easily done in the moment but hard to row back on and a bad relationship can make your daily life really crap in the long term. I'd go and see them , make bridges, apologize for his tone with the caveat that they try to reduce noise at those hours when the children are getting ready for bed.

LittlefairyMum Wed 02-Oct-19 15:29:32

@Mumtoaliens you're not sure how you and your husband upset your children?

Are you serious?!

You caused all this drama. Wound each other up to the point of boiling and kicked the whole thing off.

Surely as a parent with a child with anxiety issues, you should be doing all you can to protect that child....

I feel sorry for your child and your neighbors.

Talk about blowing something out of all proportion 🙄

TheCanterburyWhales Wed 02-Oct-19 15:35:59

Well, you've done work before on Sunday mornings so it's all a bit pots and kettles really
And you have two children. Trust me, they have (and probably do on a regular basis) made far more noise than somebody scraping a wall.
The texting was passive aggressive and your husband was aggressive full stop.

Pinkyyy Wed 02-Oct-19 15:36:12

Was half an hour really that long to wait? You could have avoided all this if you'd have waited.

Passthecherrycoke Wed 02-Oct-19 15:41:12

I know exactly what that scrapping sounds like and it is a bit weird as it sounds like it’s in your house but not louder than your TV, which you could just turn up. It seems like something and nothing but your husband has been out of order arguing about it. Don’t know why she’s asking you to get him to apologies though, that’s out of order

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