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I didn't lie but should I have done?

(5 Posts)
MyRankIsSuperintendent Wed 01-May-19 00:04:56

Last week met up with a friend to ask her her opinion on a project I'm thinking about starting which could affect her job.

I have known about it for a while but only confirmed recently. I shared the details of the project and could have altered the date on it to more recently but chose to keep the older date.

She was very upset I hadn't spoken to her about it earlier because of the impact on her role. I could choose not to do the project but it would make me a lot of money. If she worked with me on it (the reason I met up with her) she would have to leave her current role which she enjoys.

She doesn't want me to do the project but the thing she's most angry about is that I didn't talk to her about it sooner.

I went as far as changing the date on the project documentation to more recently but chose not to lie and the one I shared with her was the correct older date. I've now pissed her off in a way I could have avoided if I'd lied. WWYHD?

TinselAndKnickers Wed 01-May-19 00:14:54

I wouldn't have lied because the truth would have come out in future, for example a slip of the tongue or through someone else!

FinallyHere Thu 02-May-19 15:58:16

* it would make me a lot of money. If she worked with me on it (the reason I met up with her) she would have to leave her current role which she enjoys.*

It sounds as if this project is brilliant for you and not so great for her. What would happen if she decides not to join you?

In your shoes, I think I might have put more effort into getting her onside, in the interests at least of smooth working relationships if not for the overall success of the project.

MidniteScribbler Sun 12-May-19 01:05:47

So you're thinking about doing a project that could cause her to lose her job, and you can't understand why she is upset with you?

Do you seriously not see anything wrong with what you are doing?

MyRankIsSuperintendent Tue 14-May-19 20:38:53

No not lose her job, impact her job. Essentially she could either work on this project with me and have a promotion or not and be involved in less high profile projects which may look like a demotion. I offered her the choice first because she's a friend and yes I felt guilty my brilliant project would be not so brilliant for her if she chooses not to work with me. It won't literally be a demotion but not being involved will sideline her role (whilst still very much having a permanent job).

I agree I should have spent more time getting her onside. I thought she'd be happier about the project opportunity than she was, probably because I was excited by it. She's obviously happy in her role and doesn't want the opportunity which I admit I didn't expect as I saw it as a brilliant opportunity for both of us. She doesn't have to leave her role if I do it without her but it will be negatively impacted.

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