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Dd heard us having sex

(128 Posts)
Rowie00 Tue 23-Apr-19 12:09:12

My DD is 9, she heard partner and I having sex, cringe for us all. She was mortified and was crying. I comforted her and apologised. I obviously need to talk to her. But how and how much do you say?

Dyrne Tue 23-Apr-19 12:11:15

What did she hear? If you were doing porn star moaning and making a performance of it then fair enough; but if it was a few grunts and a squeaky bed I really don’t think you need to make a big deal out of it?

It’s cringeworthy, granted, but you don’t need to act like you’ve traumatised her for life?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Tue 23-Apr-19 12:11:21

Why was she crying?

You've apologised,leave it at that and keep the noise down from now on.

Singlenotsingle Tue 23-Apr-19 12:13:00

Crying? Doesn't she know anything about sex? Seems unlikely for a 9yo in this day and age!

Sunlov Tue 23-Apr-19 12:15:42

Sex to a child probably sounds nothing like something pleasurable.

Not sure what I'd tell her. But I'd be keeping it down in future.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual Tue 23-Apr-19 12:17:47

I heard my mum have sex with her boyfriend at not much older than this. It upset me a lot. I knew about sex. But that's very different to hearing your parent do it, and with someone who's not their other parent.

You've done nothing wrong op but yes I would talk to her. See if she can verbalise what it is about it that's upsetting her.

Pinkyyy Tue 23-Apr-19 12:18:36

Why was she crying?

Rowie00 Tue 23-Apr-19 12:20:24

She heard groans.
She knows bits because of school lessons.
It's the crying bit I'm not sure on.

Rowie00 Tue 23-Apr-19 12:21:22

Bits as in she knows where babies come from

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Tue 23-Apr-19 12:29:31

Did she walk in on you?

I'd have fluffed it and said I must been having a bad dreamgrin

Isitweekendyet Tue 23-Apr-19 12:30:17

She's clearly crying because the sound of her Mum and step-dad has made her very uncomfortable - you can see that from a mile away.

Cringe for all involved OP but don't beat yourself up about it! A frank chat about any questions and what has upset her is enough and in a week it will have all blown over.

BoglingToAswad Tue 23-Apr-19 12:31:21

I can understand embarrassment but crying seems a unusual reaction. Have you asked her what she is upset about? Does she think you were hurt? Or, since she knows about where babies come from does she think you are trying to have another?

louisvootin Tue 23-Apr-19 12:32:52

oh dear op our ds is 8 and i dread this happening. x

Rowie00 Tue 23-Apr-19 12:33:50

She was in her room next to mine. Walls are very thin and noise travels in our house.

I thought she was asleep as it was quite late. I didn't think we were that loud clearly we were

SirNilsOlav Tue 23-Apr-19 12:35:28

Perhaps she wasn't crying as in upset crying, but because she was really embarrassed and that's how it came out?

I had a similar experience at her age and I remember laughing at it, not because I thought it was funny but because I was absolutely mortified and that was my "I don't know what to do" default.

SimonJT Tue 23-Apr-19 12:38:44

I doubt there are many people it hasn’t happened to at some point. It could be worse, like hearing “Daddy I’ve done a poo” and having no idea how long he has been stood there!

Maybe she thinks there is going to be a little brother or sister coming along?

ilikebeckerinmyoldage Tue 23-Apr-19 12:47:11

My mum used to do this with her partner in the house. I absolutely hated it. It scarred me. It's so inappropriate. Does he live with you?

Rowie00 Tue 23-Apr-19 12:47:26

Definitely no more babies happening

Rowie00 Tue 23-Apr-19 12:48:51

No doesn't live with me

Why do you think it's inappropriate

Prequelle Tue 23-Apr-19 12:50:19

Odd that she's crying, why does she think it's something to cry over? What has she been taught about sex?

I used to hear my parents, younger than 9, I distinctly remember finding it annoying grin

Isohungy Tue 23-Apr-19 12:51:09

Eurgh. This bought back memories of hearing my mother with her bf/husbands.

Vom. Poor kid.

Haworthia Tue 23-Apr-19 12:52:32

I hate to say it, but I think children can probably accept the idea of their parents having sex, but not their mum/dad and a partner having sex... hence the crying.

Rowie00 Tue 23-Apr-19 12:52:45

I've not spoken to her about sex. She's had the very basic birds and bees talk at school.

ballsdeep Tue 23-Apr-19 12:53:33

Poor child. I heard my parents and it nearly made me sick 😭😂🤒 just talk to her. Surely you were louder than a few grunts for her to hear and to be so upset by it

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Tue 23-Apr-19 12:54:43

She's 9, you're leaving it a bit late! Get her a book and tell her to read it and come to you with any questions she has. Does she know about periods?

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