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When you discover your closest friend is playing with fire

(3 Posts)
stirling Wed 30-Jan-19 10:23:14

Hi,
I'd really appreciate your thoughts. My closest friend of thirty years (went to secondary school together) has been the best friend anyone could ask for - a rock, more a brother than a friend.

Lately his marriage has been falling apart, wife severely OCD and his children are wary of their own mother. She has debilitating health issues that I identify with. She is manipulative though, uses her illness to control everything.

Going back to my friend, he's befriended one of the school mums, a very
attractive blond woman - apparently their sons were close and the friendship formed. The two became very close and I saw a lot of photographs (of her alone) on his phone one day which I immediately understood for what it was. Apparently his wife was (understandably) very jealous of her.

The attractive woman then suddenly had to leave the country because her partner was desperately unhappy, so my friend spiralled into a deep dark depression.

To get to the point - he apparently heard from her recently and she's trying to return to the UK alone with her ds and get rights to live here and he was so excited, o a mission to make it happen and asked me for legal advice (think he hinted at the fact that she might use my address which I flatly declined).
I told him in a very gentle way that he shouldn't be encouraging the woman to return because it'll ultimately mean the break up of a family. That he should sit back and let her make her decisions.
He's very distant with me now.
Just to add that I get on well with his wife, but I find myself feeling sorry for her and am losing my loyalty to my lifelong friend.
How do I not judge?
Thank you

Mookatron Wed 30-Jan-19 10:31:31

I think you can take an 'I will love you whatever but you are being a dick' approach. If the friendship is as strong as you say it will withstand it.

stirling Wed 30-Jan-19 20:58:29

Thank you mookatron, guess you're right...

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