My mother in law is a Jehovas Witness(9 Posts)
Looking for some advice really, so my Mother in Law, her husband and some other members of my husbands side of the family are Jehovas Witnesses. My husband and I are not really into any reglion and neither are the remainder of our family members. I respect their decision totally and I am very supportive of their life choices, but my husband and I have extremely similar views and have always said that when our baby is born due in 2019 that we want our child to make its own decision in life regarding reglion and don’t want any forced upon them. My worry now is my mother in law is a wonderful caring woman who will make a fantastic grandmother but how can I ensure that she does not enforce her belifs upon my child, I’m not saying that I know for sure she will however she has tried her hardest to get me and my husband to join over several years and is quite forcefull and sly in the way she goes about it...do I have a conversation with her pioror to the birth/ before any nanny duties begin or just not say anything and wait to see what happens and hope she respects us enough not to do anything or ask us first before she does, I worry though as I don’t want to cause any family upset, she will be a fantastic grandmother but I am so worried? Please help any advice....?
if as you say she has been 'forceful and sly" then I think it's best to be up front about your views in advance, but really that's up to your DH, not you, otherwise you may be cast in the role of 'heathen who has tempted him away from the faith"
"Nanny duties", really? is it a duty? <misses point of thread>
In my experience people who are most strongly religious and I hate to say it my experience of JW shows this more to be the case that they will try and turn you at any opportunity. I agree with pp it's your DH who should be having the chat with his DM. He needs to be clear that any blatant trying to indoctrinate your DC into her religion will affect her relationship with not only her DS but your DC. Hopefully the threat will be enough for her.
That said, if you really want your children to choose their own way then they should be given an opportunity to learn about different religions so some talk when the time is right would be appropriate.
I always find this interesting. You want to leave them to make their own decision, but won't allow someone to discuss it with them? (Obviously in the future) leaving them to make their own decision gives the impression you will be teaching them all different t ideologies and beliefs, and then they can make a decision. In truth what this usually means is they are brought up atheist with no beleifs. If that's the plan- be honest. Your child is a baby. I doubt they'll be converting. Let them know you don't want religious conversations had when they child is old enough, and take it from there. You're creating an issue where there currently isn't one.
My mum is a JW and she has never enforced her beliefs onto the grandchildren.
I think it part of their journey that they need to try and convert or save people. It may be a dilemma for her in itself if you confront it. This is why they door knock - to convert people. I would just leave it and use it (if it happens) to encourage healthy debate with child over all the different religions and other beliefs.
I would get your husband to bring it up with her in a low key non confrontational way prior to baby being born. To be honest though you probably don’t have too much to worry about unless MiL will be spending more time with your baby than you or your husband. Kids tend to follow their primary caregivers initially (and then their peers). Good luck!
My mother is a JW. I have preempted anything she might try by teaching DS that some people believe in God, and that grandma believes in a god so strict and joyless that you're not even allowed birthday parties, and my goodness, isn't that bizarre! What funny ideas grandma has! This pitched it at a level he could understand whilst guarantying anything she said would go in one ear and out the other.
I also told her that if she tried to discuss it with him before he was 16 it'd be NC, end of.
16 is the magic number because she had a deal with my dad that she could
ruin our lives raise us as JWs until 16 and then we were free to choose.
To this day, I never know why DF agreed, and I still hate and resent her for my childhood.
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