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Ethical dilemmas

MIL in hospital

25 replies

digger2014 · 24/09/2018 00:40

Hey eveyone. I'm new here. Big hello! I was wondering if anyone could give their thoughts on this...

My MIL is currently in hospital with a broken knee. She's 87. My SIL lives abroad and keeps sending her friend into the hospital with bits and bobs for MIL. My husband and I live farther away but go in 3 times a week. Today we arrived to find that the plant, magazines, books and TV card we took in had been taken away by SILs friend. No doubt MIL had asked her to take them but she is quite confused. These were my magazines and books and I would have liked the plant if it wasn't wanted at the hospital. Do you think the friend was wrong to take away these things? It's really annoyed me.

Thanks for reading everyone

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HirplesWithHaggis · 24/09/2018 00:44

I don't think the friend was wrong to take them if your MiL asked them to. How much storage space does she have for all that clutter, in hospital? Can you ask MiL or SiL to ask the friend to bring them back for you?

Aridane · 24/09/2018 01:01

That’s no t ‘clutter’!

digger2014 · 24/09/2018 01:02

Thanks Hirples. We don't actually know the friend. We have never met her. I guess I am being petty. It's a bit of a difficult time and MIL is getting very confused. I just wish the friend would leave my things there. I would have taken them the next day. I am probably just being over sensitive and it doesn't help that we don't know this person.

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digger2014 · 24/09/2018 01:04

Thanks Aridane. She said she wanted the books and magazines and yes, its not clutter. There is room for them Hirples, she has a cupboard. Point is that its my property

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Nondescriptname · 24/09/2018 01:06

Possibly the friend had just brought some 'bits and bobs' and MiL felt she had too much stuff so asked for the previous stuff (yours) to be taken away.

It's an awkward situation for everyone. Don't waste time being annoyed, but contact the friend, via SiL if necessary, to ask for your things back if you want them.

digger2014 · 24/09/2018 01:11

Thanks Non...yes I'm being over sensitive. Now MIL has nothing in there to do as she asked for it all to be taken, and now says shes bored. She is confused. I will try to relay this to SIL and ask the friend to leave stuff there in future for me to bring back home.

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Graphista · 24/09/2018 01:11

I wouldn't necessarily assume it was down to sil friend.

Plants are often not allowed in hospital and mil may have asked hospital staff to remove the rest or a spillage occurred?

Going forward try and establish better communication with staff and sil's friend (via sil?)

digger2014 · 24/09/2018 01:16

I checked before taking the plant in. It is allowed. It was also in one of my bowls, which I would like back too. Just a bit strange that the friend knew we were going in the next day and still took everything, along with £20 we left for emergencies. It wasn't really her place to take everything away even if (confused) MIL asked her to. I brought MILs jewellery home with me today, dont want that going elsewhere

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digger2014 · 24/09/2018 01:20

MIL told us that the friend had taken eveything away. It definately wasn't the nurses

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Aridane · 24/09/2018 01:24

and she pocketed the £20?!

Odd - unless MIL was adamant she wanted them, taken away for,safekeeping

digger2014 · 24/09/2018 01:30

I'm sure she hasnt stolen the £20 and I'm sure she was just doing what MIL asked, but MIL isn't in her right mind. She doesnt know what shes saying half the time. I'll try to communicate this to SIL although she's in Tokyo and not really aware of whats going on here....just trying to manage things from afar. It's all a tricky situation and I'm stressed by it all. I'm sure the friend is just trying to help, but it's making things more complicated

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BasicUsername · 24/09/2018 01:33

Is the friend of your SIL someone that your MIL knows too?

I find it very odd that they have taken these things, even if asked to do so by MIL.

All of those items could have been put away neatly in the cupboard if necessary.

If I were you, I'd contact SIL and ask for her friends phone number. I'd then contact the friend and ask them to return everything to you.

I think that you have done the right thing by removing her jewellery.

digger2014 · 24/09/2018 01:41

I think MIL knows the friend a little bit. I will ask SIL for her contact details and ask her to leave anything we take in for us to bring home, not to take it herself. I'll also ask her to return the things she has taken. You're right, she could have left them in the cupboard. I would not take anything that others had brought in, especially if they were visiting the following day. It's a bit odd to me. I'm sure it's not done in a bad way, but MIL has asked for a radio and headphones. If she decides she doesn't want them in a few days...very possible...then I don't want that taken away too

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Graphista · 24/09/2018 01:59

Either mil is confused and could have got it wrong or isn't confused and asked her to take those things or asked a member of staff - you can't have it all ways.

Communication definitely key here - between you, sil and friend.

digger2014 · 24/09/2018 10:32

Thanks for your replies everyone. Really appreciated. I have got the friends number from SIL and messaged her to ask her to bring things back. I've also asked that she not take things away, but just put them in the cupboard for when MIL feels a bit better. Thanks again

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digger2014 · 30/09/2018 01:43

Hey everyone. Thanks for all the replies. My MIL passed away two days ago. All of this seems so trivial now. Thanks again and signing out x

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Aridane · 30/09/2018 02:03

KatieMarieJ · 30/09/2018 02:10

Is there any chance it may be another patient in their own confused state? Perhaps your mil's confusion lead to her telling someone they were not hers, or even got distressed thinking they were someone else's?

Is she usually confused? I would raise the question whether she could have a water infection as that can affect people's cognitive function quite markedly among geriatric patients.

Of course it could be that someone has stolen the money knowing your Mil's state. Report to the ward matron and go from there. I certainly don't think you can accuse the friend of any of it at this stage.

SD1978 · 30/09/2018 02:28

@KatieMarieJ- OP's MIL has passed away. @digger2014. I'm sorry and hope you and your family are ok xx

LiquoricePickle · 30/09/2018 05:20

💐 I'm so sorry. Hope you're doing okay.

MsForestier · 30/09/2018 06:31

op I'm very sorry to hear this. Condolences for your loss

Nondescriptname · 30/09/2018 08:45

Thank you for coming back to let us know, digger14. I'm very sorry to hear of your loss.

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Graphista · 30/09/2018 15:41

So sorry for your loss

KatieMarieJ · 01/10/2018 00:33

I am so sorry, my post must have crossed. and prayers for you all at this time.

Buggerbrexit · 01/10/2018 00:38

sorry to see this

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