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Friend using me as a sink hole!

(4 Posts)
poppygolightly Mon 15-Jan-18 09:24:45

I have a bit of an issue with a long term friend and wanted your opinion? I have been friends with this lady for 9 years and been on short breaks with her as well. We used to be very close, almost like sisters but in the past couple of years things have changed. Without telling me first she got a job in the same place as me and right from the start constantly moans about how much she dislikes it. Over time I am now her manager and she has put me in a difficult position many times as she refuses to do as she is asked even by senior managers and will just do whatever she thinks is the right thing to do. Last year she took 6 months of work for anxiety but continued to do all of the things she did before such as getting up on stage and singing. During this period I helped her out a lot with ferrying her children around and being a listening ear. I have been very supportive of her both out of work and in work often adding to my own workload and working late to cover her tasks as I feel guilty that she has been off sick.
Anyway last week I had a nasty fall and broke my leg. I am now off work and on crutches for at least the next 6-8 weeks. I don’t expect people to wait on me or to fuss about as I am very independent ( well as independent as you can be). I texted my friend to let her know I wouldn’t be at work and to be fair she did ring to see how I was. After that phone call I have been bombarded all week with texts about how much she hates her husband, kids and people at work. She has never once asked how I am. She said she would visit me but kept making excuses and I am still waiting for a visit. To top everything I had a text from her this morning moaning again about work and her husband an kids. I was awake till 3am as the pain from my leg is intense at times . How can I deal with this friend who seems to use me as an agony aunt and prop but does not return the favour, especially as she now works with me?
Apologies that this is a long one but I’m trying to give the context so I don’t sound t like a nasty cow!

Wakeuptortoise Mon 15-Jan-18 09:30:24

Stop feeding into her drama. What do you get out of this 'friendship'? Not much except for more work and angst. I would draw back. You don't want to go down with this sinking ship at work.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish Thu 08-Feb-18 01:49:41

At work treat her the same way you would treat any other employee ,meaning as her manager she does the job she is paid to do, ...let me put this another way, if another colleague who you was a manager to was complaining about work the way she does or not doing the job properly, what would you do? would report them? the same with her, it's your job to be her manager..

Outside of work filter her calls and text, and when you do talk to her in person or on the phone and she starts offloading on you just interrupt and say I'm sorry I have to dash (and make up a reason) and hang up the phone, or leave of you are there in person with her...she will only behave this way if you keep allowing it...put up some boundaries (I had a friend like that and had to go semi no contact as it was too much to put up with and too draining, it was getting to the point that a phone call from her would spoil my day)

Also your friend has shown her true colours, you were there for her when she needed help yet she can't even visit you ...don't be a fool and run around after her anymore,

MistressDeeCee Thu 08-Feb-18 10:37:53

I'm just wondering if work colleagues have noted your favouritism towards her. Perhaps you don't mean to be this way, but it will appear so; there must be whispers.

You also mentioned she doesn't do as asked by senior management - you are her manager, this will reflect badly upon you.

I am sorry you are not well. But you're being unprofessional re work and I don't suppose your friend will be there for you should any issues arise regarding your job. I simply can't understand how as a manager, you aren't a bit more assertive.

You need to distance yourself from her. I don't know how that will play out as you work with her and she won't be best pleased. It's a situation that should have been nipped in the bud ages ago, and has already gone too far. The best you can do now is distance yourself and see how it all plays out.

Aside from the work aspect, she's a drain and you need to cut through her talk, tell her you are not well, not at work, hence not up for conversations to do with work. If she says anything else firmly say you need to go. Then go. Put the phone down.

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