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Am I wrong?(14 Posts)
Hi. Just wanted your thoughts. The other evening my oh and I were watching tv. I wanted to watch something that I knew they wouldn't like, so put it on my phone with headphones to allow them to watch what they wanted on the main tv. I also turned the volume down on the main tv to a reasonable but slightly lower volume.
They then went crazy at this, calling me every foul name under the Sun, trying to wrest my phone from my hand almost breaking it and hurting my thumb in the process.
They are still not speaking to me to 48 hours later and also cancelled a nice meal out we had planned last night.
Is their behaviour reasonable do you think?
Of ciurse they were unreasonable. And controlling. What you did might have been a bit bad mannered, but you did it to allow them their choice of programme.
And now your getting the cold shoulder, bit OTT isn't it. Are they always an arsehole?
Assaulting you physically is absolutely unacceptable. No ifs, no buts.
Not speaking to you is childish. It sounds like your relationship is dead. Presumably your decision to shut yourself off watching a different programme on your phone was a symptom of this, and your OH's anger was more directed at the breakdown in your relationship rather than the turning down of a TV volume - not that this is any excuse.
In a healthy relationship there would have been a conversation that went something like:
Tdp: what do you fancy watching on TV tonight?
oh: [names a programme]
Tdp: I'd rather watch [other thing] but I know you won't like that - but we can curl up together on the sofa and I can watch my thing on my phone while you have the big tv. You won't mind having the volume down a bit?
oh: if that's what you want, but are we sure there isn't something we will both enjoy?
sorry to hear that this isn't the kind of relationship you have. Is there capacity to build a new dynamic based on mutual respect and communication, or is there no hope of that?
Their behaviour is so unacceptable that I would drag OH to a relationship therapist or break up. It sounds like they have zero respect for you.
Silent treatment for 48 hours? This relationship sounds awful, sorry Op.
That's not a proportional reaction at all.
What were you watching?
Assault not acceptable in anyway but I feel we are missing info here.
Why didn't they want to watch it?
What does it matter what she was watching? She wanted to watch something different to them, that's all.
What were you watching
Well unless she says it was extreme porn I'm not sure of the relevance of this question, as adults we get to decide what we wish to watch.
It sounds a rather childish response. But what are the dynamics usually like when your viewing preferences diverge? Is it usual for you to both watch completely seperate things in the same room? And if it is, does he usually respond like this, or is he generally happy that you are in the same room but watching different things?
My H will happily leave me to watch something if he knows I'm keen on it, he will usually go and do something else. If the football is on or something I am not interested in, I'll usually stay in the room and read on my IPad. It's all perfectly amicable. And we're in the process of splitting up!
Do you often get the silent treatment, OP?
Well yeah it might have been porn or it could be something horrible that the other person has a serious phobia of. I'm not justifying that behaviour but to trigger such an extreme reaction I'd be interested to know what it was.
Is their behaviour reasonable do you think?
Why do you even have to ask? Does it seem remotely reasonably to you? Is this behaviour you have been exposed to previously to the point you think it's normal?
Thanks for your thoughts. It was Nadiya's British Food Adventures. Controversial, I know.
Did you say anything about what you were going to do beforehand, or did you just put your headphones on and turn down the volume on a programme you had, until then, both been watching? I'm not excusing your partner's reaction, but that sounds pretty rude from your description in the OP. You didn't give any warning that you weren't going to continue watching TV together.