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Ethical dilemmas

AIBU friend inviting sister along

45 replies

Jenniferb21 · 09/02/2017 19:49

So this friend is a good friend who I really look forward to seeing as she lives 2 hours away. We're meeting for lunch and drinks tomorrow and I'm taking my DS (10 months old) along. It's been arranged for a couple of months and we always meet at the same place and have an amazing time.

She's just text me (we're meeting tomorrow) saying is it's ok if my sister tags along.

I felt rude saying no but I was really looking forward to catch up with her properly we normally have real heart to hearts I.e parents in law bitch sessions and the like/ weight issues etc. I feel like it won't be the same and I rarely get to do this sort of thing.

I know it's rude to say I mind but I'm annoyed she's ruined our girl date.

AIBU?

OP posts:

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PotteringAlong · 09/02/2017 19:51

It's not a girl date if you're taking your 10 month old with you.

fabulous01 · 09/02/2017 19:51

My close friend used to do same but invite work colleagues.
Maybe is it because you are bringing your little one? Just a thought but I do know what you mean. Not sure if you can say anything though

Jenniferb21 · 09/02/2017 19:54

Potteringalong: What I mean is it's just us and our thing I don't have anyoane on work days to take DS and she's a best friend and rarely gets to see him she'd be upset if DS wasn't there I'm sure.

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Jenniferb21 · 09/02/2017 19:54

Sorry to add I always bring DS on our meet ups

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80sMum · 09/02/2017 19:59

This sort of thing happens to me quite a lot. I have concluded that I must be a very boring lunch companion!

BackforGood · 09/02/2017 19:59

I too think the dynamic must have changed a lot with you bringing a baby along. Therefore, it isn't a 'fixed' thing / dynamic.
Presumably she thinks it will be nice if her sister comes too. She is asking you, not just turning up with her.
Do you not like her sister ?

Jenniferb21 · 09/02/2017 20:19

I always bring my baby. We've only started doing these trips since I've had my little boy our husbands always used to be there when we used to meet up when we lived closer. She really dotes on my DS I doubt v much it's anything to do with that.

I've never met her sister.

OP posts:

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 09/02/2017 20:25

Jen, you might have a really nice time, just go along and see. It's true, sometimes threes a crowd, but often it's the more, the merrier. 😀

Jenniferb21 · 09/02/2017 20:30

I will definitely go I just feel like it won't be the same because I've not met her sister. I guess I just wouldn't do that to someone else I think I'll end up being the third wheel though because they're joined at the hip

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Ilovecaindingle · 09/02/2017 20:37

Maybe depends how old the dsis is? Would you still be at to have adult chat? My friend always brings dd 13 who imo doesnt need to be hearing adult conversations!!

Jenniferb21 · 09/02/2017 20:46

Yeah she's over 21 something like that. I think it's more cz I haven't met her I won't want to talk about what we usually talk about.

It's not a massive deal I just thought it was a bit silly to ask if I minded because who would say 'yes I mind'

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TheDowagerCuntess · 09/02/2017 20:52

You never know, it might be fine.

I met up with a friend for a thing during the week, and she brought another friend along unexpectedly, and it was lovely - we all got along well and it felt like the evening ended abruptly in a way, as we had so much to talk about.

Whenever I 'combine friends', so to speak, it's because I'm fairly sure they'll have things in common, and get along.

What if her sister's very similar to her, and you have an even nicer time than expected?!

Jenniferb21 · 09/02/2017 20:59

I'm sure her sister is lovely I thinking I'm sad because I was just looking forward to it being just us. TBH I suffer from anxiety and I'm wondering if I feel a bit under confident meeting her and worried my friend might bring up something we usually talk about and I won't wont want to infront of someone I don't know.

I think I'm over worrying! Thanks for your replies

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JaxingJump · 09/02/2017 21:02

I'm not sure this is an ethical dilemma😄

But I would be annoyed but try to enjoy it anyway. It's too rude to say don't bring her, and would probably cause a bit of an atmosphere. In the end you might find you really enjoy the sisters chat so give it a chance because I don't think there's much else you can do. You'll look like the bad guy if you are cold towards the sister.

PotteringAlong · 09/02/2017 21:05

she'd be upset if DS wasn't there I'm sure.

I'm fairly sure you're wrong about that...

Jenniferb21 · 09/02/2017 21:09

PotteringAlong: You don't know her and how she is with my little boy so how you could be sure I don't know. You've not even been helpful you sound like you dislike babies. Not really the point of my thread.

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PotteringAlong · 09/02/2017 21:12

I don't dislike babies at all; I have 2 and will have my 3rd tomorrow. But if I'm going to see my friends then the dynamic changes considerably if you've got a baby to look after. You've got their needs to attend to, your focus and attention is off. If you want a catch up with your friend then you want to catch up with them.

You say you always take your DS with you. Maybe she's now thinking "well I never see her by herself, the dynamic has already shifted, I might as well bring my sister"

Jenniferb21 · 09/02/2017 21:17

I really don't think so because as I said we've only started doing these trips since me having my DS. She's invited me to this one knowing DS would be coming as I don't have anyone to take him in the week. She's also text me saying She can't wait for cuddles n he's grown a lot since She last saw him etc. I don't think she's putting all of that on.

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MotherofA · 09/02/2017 23:11

It's nothing to do with your DS so I would ignore PP , maybe her sister is upset or had asked her to meet . I would feel the same as you but just go along and try to enjoy it . I'm sure it will be a one off and next time she will come alone . Hope you have a nice time

BackforGood · 09/02/2017 23:53

If your friend and her sister are 'joined at the hip', and you say it's a 'really good friend' and the fact you 'always' meet at this place suggests you have been friends for quite a while, how have you never met her sister ?

Jenniferb21 · 10/02/2017 02:55

Because her family live 2 hours away too and previously we've always met with our husbands and she's single. Since I've been on maternity leave we've met every other month or so (just us 2 and DS) and she's booked a day off work. She's pregnant and her sister treated her to a spa day yesterday so must have taken two days off too. Hence why she's free today.

However I'm close to my brother but he hasn't been invited out to meet all my friends?!

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PerspicaciaTick · 10/02/2017 03:15

Perhaps she thinks it is about time for two important women in her life to meet. Perhaps she thinks you'll get on like a house on fire. Perhaps she doesn't want to travel for 2 hours pregnant and alone - so she is bringer her sister along for company.

Do you have any reason to think her sister isn't as nice as your friend? If not, then I think you need to push your comfort zone a little.

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Jenniferb21 · 10/02/2017 12:13

Well I don't think so because she's only just said about her sister and she's booked this day off work and asked me if I could meet up. It's also 45 mins for her where we meet up. I think it's more because she saw her sister yesterday and mentioned today. Otherwise she'd of asked ages ago.

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picklemepopcorn · 10/02/2017 12:19

I think you'll probably have a lovely time. She may want to spend a bit more time with her sister at the moment, and is taking advantage of this opportunity to spend time with two lovely people instead of just one.
Give it a try!

00100001 · 13/02/2017 10:13

I think if you say no to the sister - you won't see your friend!

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