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Give me strength...

(3 Posts)
lizizdd Tue 17-Jan-17 16:47:37

Please bear with me in my tale... my 41 year old brother was in a violent relationship until September 2016. There was a history of drug abuse. Even though we are/were a close knit family, much of the truth was hidden from me, my younger sister and parents. It transpired that my brother was actually the victim of violence from his wife and she was feeding his habit by supplying illicitly obtained prescription drugs. They never had any money and our parents who are in their 70's and me supplied money and food. The relationship was toxic to say the least. Then to add to the mix, they had a child in August 2015. Social Services said there was no concerns despite there being in excess of 12 contacts from various people worried. In September after an episode of serious self harm by my brother the relationship ended. The baby stayed with his mother despite her frequently telling the baby, she hates him and he's ruined her life. It was at this point my brothers mental health totally deteriorated. He was self harming - with each episode getting more dangerous, he was paranoid and hallucinating. His drug taking was minimal at this point, perhaps because his dealer had gone... after begging for help and a lot of heartache he was admitted to a psychiatric hospital and sectioned. My parents were/are devastated. When he was discharged at the beginning of December (far from well but that's another story) he was homeless. I love my family and will do anything I can to help, so my brother moved into my home, as a purely temporary measure as my parents live in a retirement complex. I live with my husband and 3 of our 5 children, ages ranging from 15-5 years. Our 2 eldest are away at uni but were home for Christmas. So this house was fairly stressful! A week past Monday my brother was allocated a council flat. I would've thought that he would want to be in a home of his own again, however, it does need decorating, carpets, furniture etc as he has nothing. So everyone has pitched in to help. My parents don't have much money but they're putting themselves into debt to get him furniture etc. That's fine , it's their money, despite me thinking he's taking a lend. But apparently he can't possibly live in his new flat as it's not decorated yet or doesn't have carpets... I've had to make do and mend on many occasions and have lived without carpets etc until I could afford them. So when I'm told I'm selfish and being a bitch because I have asked when he will be moving, I'm so upset. My husband who isn't the most patient of people, and works away expects him out when he comes back on Friday. I can see where he's coming from because the stress and upheaval on our home and family has been horrendous. I'm just at the end of my tether. I can't keep going like this. I've always helped out my Mam and dad, doing their laundry etc, I've always cooked extra meals so I can eek them out to Mam, dad and brother (and wife when they were together) I'm exhausted with trying to keep everyone happy. I really can't bear the thought of loosing the support of my parents because I've asked when he'll be moving, as I've always had a close relationship with them. But I'm heartbroken that I'm suddenly selfish. My sister isn't daft, she lives far enough away not to be able to practically help. But I can't go on like this. As for the baby, he's still living with his excuse for a parent but the said parent has now decided that the baby may not be my brothers after all. Am I as bad as is being made out? What do I do?

MommaGee Mon 13-Feb-17 12:48:41

I'd point out that of he doesbt move in he won't get HB and he'll get into arrears SL he really needs tp get in and you'll all pitch in over the weekend to get it finished!
Yanbu to want a timeline, you've obviously put yourself out lots tp help. he isnt homeless I expect just worried aboit living alone. Can you talk to him about such fears?

DJBaggySmalls Thu 16-Feb-17 20:10:06

Normally when you get social housing you apply for a grant to help furnish the place, and that covers the cost of second hand items.
He would have had a hospital social worker to help him sort that out.

Theres a limit to how much you can do for other people. They also have to help themselves. You've done your but and no, you are not being a bitch flowers

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