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Is my dad cheating on my mum?

(32 Posts)
Naranjas109 Sat 07-Jan-17 17:09:14

Today whilst I was at my parents, I tried using their P.C and I commented to my mum how slow it was. She agreed so I thought I would clear it up for her , being somewhat of a little whiz at that I started uninstalling apps, cleaning up the registries, clearing caches etc and then got to the internet history.....I felt sick someone I.e. My dad had been looking at bang a granny, free f**k buddies etc etc, not only that it appeared he has an account on one of these sites and is actively looking for someone.

I feel sick, I can't process this information, I don't know what to do. I have a younger brother I think (I know!) he's 27, I'm 34 , I just don't know what to do, do I say anything? Tip my mum off?

I'm in a right mess and I need some help.

user1477282676 Sun 08-Jan-17 11:45:37

I would forget all about it. It's non of your business. For all you know, your Mother could be in agreement about it. Or she may not want to know.

You should not really have gone into their computer in this way. It was a breech of trust really. I'm sure your Mother didn't know the implications of you cleaning up the computer but you knew. I'd never pry on my parent's computer in this way.

BigSandyBalls2015 Sun 08-Jan-17 11:50:24

What do you mean ' you think you have a younger brother'?

Naranjas109 Sun 08-Jan-17 13:02:07

I think he's 27. That's the most you could pick up from my message is that my grammar is f*cked up?

Cheers.

RememberToSmile1980 Sun 08-Jan-17 13:03:37

Do you think it could be your brother? Is there anyone else that has access to the computer?

Wellitwouldbenice Sun 08-Jan-17 13:06:59

I interest eyed it the same as bigsandy, no need to get arsey op...

Wellitwouldbenice Sun 08-Jan-17 13:07:07

Interpreted

GlitterGlassEye Sun 08-Jan-17 13:10:42

I'm sure BigSandy was wondering if maybe you had discovered you had a brother whilst looking through the computer. Like a secret love child? That's what I was wondering, nothing to do with your grammar confused. I get you now though.

Personally I wouldn't say a word. I don't think I could bring myself to discuss it with him just based on this discovery but I would be a bit more aware of his behaviour. Does he go away on trips? Involved in a time consuming hobby?

Naranjas109 Sun 08-Jan-17 14:02:48

Didn't mean to come over arsey I'm just struggling with this discovery. Of course I wasn't prying you can't help it if it just pops up on the screen can you?

I just meant maybe I should talk to my brother he doesn't live at home but I just needed some one to talk to. I can't believe my mum knows she isn't like that. She does go away with work every now and then and my dad doesn't work so he's often alone all day.

I just don't want my mum to get hurt, it's their 40th wedding anniversary this year, it would destroy her but my dad has become very irritable with her and snapping for no reason...

troubleatmill2011 Sun 08-Jan-17 18:18:35

Hi OP, id talk to your brother first

AcrossthePond55 Sun 08-Jan-17 19:38:26

If it were me, I'd probably confront my dad privately and ask him what the fuck he thought he was doing. And that he'd better either knock it the fuck off or tell my mum about it so she can make and informed decision as to whether or not she wanted to stay with him.

OhTheRoses Sun 08-Jan-17 19:42:11

You don't think it could possibly be your brother or you mum?

They've been married 40 years. She knows your dad inside out or as she needs to know him. You park it. You deal with it personally. You make sure you stfu

DearMrDilkington Sun 08-Jan-17 19:42:50

I have no advice, other than have a large wine..

Sounds incredibly stressful.

Naranjas109 Sun 08-Jan-17 20:35:17

I'm not very good at stressful situations. I've broken out in spots all over and also seems I've got tonsillitis too. I'm such a fuckin light weight

DearMrDilkington Sun 08-Jan-17 21:56:30

Why don't you speak to your brother? See what he thinks would be best to do, if anything.

AtSea1979 Sun 08-Jan-17 22:00:08

I'd confront my dad if I was sure it was him.

NaBiAgChaitheamhSmidiuTrom Sun 08-Jan-17 22:03:19

I'd confront my Dad as well. If it's really embarrassing to say the words 'fuck buddy'' to your Dad (and I would be embarrassed to) I would say 'father, you are behaving as though you want to end up divorced''

Lessthanaballpark Mon 09-Jan-17 06:33:18

OP, I have the perfect answer!

Sit them down (either both or just your dad) and say "I'm very worried about your PC because I think it may have been infected..." Explain that there have been some very dodgy pop ups and warn them against the dangers of clicking on unsolicited emails.

Offer to install an anti virus for them.

That way not only can you judge how guilty your dad is by how red he goes but you can give him long glances to let him know that you know!

INeedNewShoes Mon 09-Jan-17 06:46:51

I would leave doing anything about it until you're feeling better and can think more clearly about it. If you have tonsillitis now is not the time to be taking action that could tear your family apart.

Its bound to be a shock. I would be horrified if I discovered something like this but you do need to handle the situation with care. Your mother might rather not know and could be very angry with you for bringing a situation into the open that she is vaguely aware of but has chosen to ignore.

Naranjas109 Mon 09-Jan-17 07:18:07

Thank you everyone you've all helped and sorry again for flying off the handle a bit feeling very sheepish x

SallyInSweden Mon 09-Jan-17 09:29:35

I think you should say it your Dad and be prepared to tell your Mum.

By saying nothing, you are siding with your Dad against your mother. If it comes out that you knew...well how would she treat any other friend who knew and said nothing.

Although I do like Lessthanaballparks idea.

Obviously he will blame your mother so be prepared for that

troubleatmill2011 Mon 09-Jan-17 19:42:38

What do you think you'll do OP?

Naranjas109 Mon 09-Jan-17 20:14:38

I think I'm going to have to confront my dad.

If I just tell him I was trying to speed up his p.c by clearing out unwanted files etc, he'll have a good indication of what's coming. I'm not going to threaten to tell my mum or use it to blackmail him, I'm going to tell him he needs to talk to my mum about it and if there are relationship problems then this isn't the way to fix them.

I've confided in my husband, but he has stepped back from in and doesn't want to get involved. Which I can't blame him.

What do you think? Good idea bad idea? sad

AcrossthePond55 Tue 10-Jan-17 00:59:09

I think it's a good idea. But I also think you need to think about what (if any) your next step will be if Dad tells you to butt out or that he won't tell your mum because it will 'hurt her too much'. Or if he begins to criticize your mum and their marriage by way of excusing himself.

Can't say I blame your DH. My own DH and his brother had to speak to their dad about his behaviour (staying out late and spending money) and I stayed well out of it!

spooniestudent Fri 13-Jan-17 03:19:45

Tbh, they sound quite like the type of pop ups you get on porn sites, could it be something like that?

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