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Opposite sex friendship

(9 Posts)
RaidenGTO Sat 17-Dec-16 09:29:46

Is it acceptable for a man or woman to be friends with a married person of the opposite sex who has previously tried to have sex with you & who has admitted that they still have feelings for you despite trying to work on their own marriage?
Thoughts?

Gallavich Sat 17-Dec-16 09:32:52

No, that's got bad idea written all over it. Friendship is without agenda, when someone wants to fuck you there is an agenda.

RaidenGTO Sat 17-Dec-16 09:34:40

Thank you. That's what I think too but I'm being told that I'm the one with the problem here because I won't accept it

Gallavich Sat 17-Dec-16 09:54:41

That's gaslighting. It's a form of emotional abuse and it's not acceptable.

NotCitrus Sat 17-Dec-16 10:26:41

If he's telling you you have a problem, then why would you want to be friends?

It is possible to be friends with someone who fancies you, if they are capable of accepting the fact that it's not reciprocated. If they can't give up hope of a shag, then it isn't friendship on their part.

RaidenGTO Sat 17-Dec-16 10:34:46

Ok. Here's the whole truth of it. I suffered a mental breakdown about a year ago. I wanted to kill myself daily & didn't know how to cope. In my twisted state I decided that the best course of action was to leave my wife & child to spare them from what I truly believed I was going to end up doing. So I left. This through them into turmoil obviously.
The long & the short of it is that with professional help I managed to sort things out & began the healing process. By this time my wife had moved back to her home town. I asked for a second chance which she graciously gave me & we began trying to rebuild things.
Eventually, after a number of months we decided to move back in together. Not long after I moved back in I found out about this guy from her past who had tried to get her to have an affair with him, was back in contact with her. I expressed my concerns about it but all she could say is that she doesn't see him like that, there's nothing from her side, but that if I didn't like it then I could just leave. This went on for the next few months. A few nights ago I went through her phone (I know I shouldn't have but I wanted to see what he was messaging her). There it was. Him talking about his feelings towards her. She brushes it off in her replies to him. I've tried to explain to her that it's not healthy if he is truly having marital issues of his own but has feelings for her but she wouldn't have any of it.
That briefly leads us to today & I'm now facing divorce.
I just really wanted to know if I am the problem as I'm being told. I've tried to get over this bloke she's friends with but I can't & I've tried to explain to her that having him in our current situation is causing more problems & not allowing us to sort through our own but she doesn't want to know!

TheMortificadosDragon Sat 17-Dec-16 10:36:07

If he's genuinely trying to work on his marriage then if he had any sense he'd stay away, wouldn't he?

RaidenGTO Sat 17-Dec-16 10:42:40

That's what I've told her but again, there's no issue there as far as she's concerned & I'm the one causing the problems

RaidenGTO Sat 17-Dec-16 12:53:08

I've got nothing left in this life. It's taken all of me to get this far & I have nothing left

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