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Dying of guilt, need advise!

(17 Posts)
Joshgroban Fri 21-Oct-16 17:11:08

I've been married for four years now and have a 17mo girl. So, my ex boyfriend had been trying to send me requests on social media sites and I've been declining them and had blocked him from my account for years. But the other day he I don't know why but I accepted his fb chat request!! Why on earth would I do it? I don't know, I guess I was just curious. We chatted for quite a while and somehow my husband read our chat while he was at work. He text me and i didn't reply quick enough and as he was obviously viewing my chat simultaneously he was furious. I did not have any wrong intentions while chatting to my ex, it was just a friendly chat and we asked about each other's lives. But my conscious kept telling me I shouldn't be doing this and I kept ignoring. Then my ex suggested if we talk, as in fb voice call and I agreed! Why did I do that? I thought it wasn't right but I agreed? Then received a text from my husband sounding mad out of the blue. And I just realised what a huge mistake I was making. To cut a long story short, I didn't speak to my ex & ended the chat there & deleted it.
My husband came home angry because of me & hasn't spoken to me since then. I can't eat or concentrate on anything! I apologised to him several times last night but he said he doesn't trust me anymore! I'm devastated and haven't stopped crying since then. He still won't talk to me or eat anything I cook.
PLEASE ADVISE ME WHAT TO DO? I'm dying of guilt :'(

Benson7683 Fri 21-Oct-16 17:14:50

He doesn't trust you over a Facebook chat and he's giving you the silent treatment? Is he 12?

Honestly, you should have just told him but it's not something to get terribly angry about or not eat over.

BumbleNova Fri 21-Oct-16 17:21:10

I think your husband has massively overreacted?! what a horrible way to treat you. chatting to an ex boyfriend is not a terrible crime. does he often police how quickly you respond to text messages?

Tootsiepops Fri 21-Oct-16 17:26:05

Your husband is being a dickhead. You are allowed to talk to whomever you choose.

I also suggest you change your Facebook password (and email account password too).

Joshgroban Fri 21-Oct-16 17:33:43

I don't know what he's been thinking as he wont talk but I think I made it look worse by crying & apologising to him over and over again! How do I make him realise that I haven't done anything to betray his trust?

Joshgroban Fri 21-Oct-16 17:37:30

Thanks for your comments ladies! Thanks @Tootsiepops, I think I should do that.

leaveittothediva Fri 21-Oct-16 17:53:33

What were you thinking?. How would you feel if the boot was on the other foot.? Would you be OK with it.?. I don't blame him for being upset to be honest. It's a pretty insensitive thing to do. You'll have to just let him cool off, and talk to him again about it.

BumbleNova Fri 21-Oct-16 18:11:11

I think you just move on? the more you apologise you are making a massive deal of something that is nothing. he is being a complete prat. he will get hungry eventually.

BumbleNova Fri 21-Oct-16 18:12:20

erm I actually would not bat an eyelid at my DP having a chat with his ex. he has coffee with her in person too. I am not an arsehole. If i didnt trust him then I shouldnt be with him. its very simple.

Lules Fri 21-Oct-16 18:14:23

I'd be far far more worried that my husband could see my facebook chat

Owllady Fri 21-Oct-16 18:18:24

Why is he reading your messenger? How does he have access to it?
Did you know?
You've made idle conversation with an ex boyfriend, it's really not a big deal.
I'm more concerned about your husbands behaviour sad

Brontebiscuits Fri 21-Oct-16 18:19:22

Does your husband have formed for jealousy or irrational behaviour. I'm sensing there's more to this.

Brontebiscuits Fri 21-Oct-16 18:19:35


ICuntSeeYourPoint Fri 21-Oct-16 18:40:30

You were chatting to an ex and making plans to talk on the phone - why? And why did you delete it? Obviously it was something you wanted to hide from your dh and it felt wrong while you were doing it, so it clearly wasn't innocent. I think you need to examine honestly why you decided to connect with your ex and why you decided to hide it from your dh, and be honest with yourself and him, and then you both need to decide if you can learn from this and move on or not. The book "Not just friends" by Shirley Glass might be very helpful for both you and dh to read.

Lules Fri 21-Oct-16 18:47:27

But why not talk to an ex? I talk and see mine every so often, as does my DH with his. I think my DH even speaks to his ex wife every now and again and their relationship was not a happy one. But I don't actually know because I don't read his private things, although he might mention it to me

Joshgroban Fri 21-Oct-16 20:17:36

@ICuntSeeYourPoint I deleted it after I tried apologising to my husband as I didn't want him to keep reading that chat over and over again and make himself more angry.
Yes you're right when you say it felt wrong while I was chatting as I knew I couldn't tell my husband because I knew my husband would doubt me. He has never had a girlfriend due to confidence issues and I can tell he gets uncomfortable even when I talk about my male friends with him.
And now that he's mad at me, he mentioned that he hasn't trusted me since a while! We just got back from San Fran & while we were there I asked him if we could see one of my old friend (who's male) as we were really good college friends & I haven't seen him in years. He seemed reluctant so I didn't mention again & now that he's angry he said he didn't trust me with him & indirectly blamed me for having an affair with him. I was completely shocked & hurt that he didn't trust me anyway.

Imissmy0ldusername Fri 21-Oct-16 20:21:58

Why on earth can he see your private messages on social media? I'd be more concerned about that to be honest. Especially given that you weren't aware he had access to your account.

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