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Mystery of creepy driver solved. Is this weird?

(28 Posts)
BeanyGodkin Fri 26-Aug-16 20:44:59

I'm fairly new to mn, but I'd love to know what people think about this weird bloke.
Basically, we live in a remote location on a farm next to a church. At the same time, every day, for months and months, I've noticed a man drive his car past our house at 6pm every day. The track past our house is private, but the farm workers and those attending the church use it. Therefore, there are not many passing vehicles and most of the cars are people we know, such as the farmer, church warden etc.
The man's car is quite noticeable as it has a striking number plate.
I'm not your average curtain twitcher, in fact, I'm a busy working mum of 4 dc and barely notice my surroundings, particularly at this time. But I have noticed his regular drive by for about 10 months. He always parks by the churchyard about 15 mins before leaving past our house. As a family we have hypothesised his reasons: visiting a relative's grave, admiring the view, phoning his secret lover from the safety of his car, he's in MI5 and I'm a person of interest...our theories have become more and more wild. We call him "Astra Man" (make of car changed in case he's on mn and he now plans to kill me in my bed)
Well...today, I solved it. I was heading home in a hurry and passed him sitting by the church. I'd obviously caught him off guard but I stared across at him as I drove past.
He had a bottle of beer in his right hand and his other hand was hastily coming out of his trousers!! So basically Astra Man drives to a remote church every day at 6 for a beer and a wank!!?!!
I find that a bit weird and rank, mainly because our dc play on the lane and I regularly walk the baby in his pram around the graveyard. It's by no means a wanking monkeys post, but I was wondering what other mumsnetters thought?

Do I ignore it, make a point of walking past and trying to put him off his stroke, give him a knowing wave, phone the police?

I realise this is a total rural post, but I'm no pearl clutcher. Is this weird? What do others think?

FloraFoxglove Fri 26-Aug-16 20:47:10

You're asking if it's weird that a man has a wank in his car each day by a church?

Yes. But I'm surprised you are asking. Call the non emergency police number, explain the situation and give them his index number and let them decide what they think

PotteringAlong Fri 26-Aug-16 20:47:28

You could ring the police and report him for drink driving?

PlanD Fri 26-Aug-16 20:47:52

Call the police.

ineedamoreadultieradult Fri 26-Aug-16 20:48:13

Yes weird. I imagine he won't be back now he knows you know. If he does I would call 101 and let them know they might at least be able to get him for drink driving.

donajimena Fri 26-Aug-16 20:48:26

Did you post about this before?

BeanyGodkin Fri 26-Aug-16 21:07:49

Not posted about this before.
My OH says his wife is prob a prude so doesn't let him drink or wank so we should ignore him. I think it's a bit rank. Especially given that our family home is in close proximity. I was considering telling the farmer or the gamekeeper.

Roseformeplease Fri 26-Aug-16 21:12:53

Drink and wank driving. Whatever next?

MrsCampbellBlack Fri 26-Aug-16 21:13:53

We used to have similar when living very rurally. The passing places in our lane seemed to be a hotspot for men reading dirty magazines that they would then throw out of their windows or what I assume were people having affairs.

Was delightful.

QOD Fri 26-Aug-16 21:31:40

donaj I have 100% read this before!!
I double checked the date as thought it was a zombie thread

FloraFoxglove Fri 26-Aug-16 21:33:21

Me too

BeanyGodkin Fri 26-Aug-16 21:42:19

Blimey! Genuinely has never posted a thread on here before - there must be somebody out there who's had the exact same experience. I wonder what they did confused

BeanyGodkin Fri 26-Aug-16 21:42:26

Have

GirlWithTheLionHeart Fri 26-Aug-16 21:51:43

I knew it was gonna be for a walk. Knew it!

GirlWithTheLionHeart Fri 26-Aug-16 21:52:12

Wank*

QOD Fri 26-Aug-16 21:52:20

Oooooh maybe it's the same man!!!!!!
<the stick man>

MerylPeril Fri 26-Aug-16 21:53:58

Would you be happy if your children saw? No

Ring the police

CuttedUpPear Fri 26-Aug-16 21:57:28

Tomorrow pretend to take a photo of him in the car. Make sure he sees.
He won't be back.

BeanyGodkin Fri 26-Aug-16 22:02:19

CuttedUpPear what if he thought I was being all kinky?

At least if I call the police, I know what time he'll be there!
I've seen his car parked a mile away in the next village and I've seen him with his wife. I wonder what he tells her hmm "Righto, I'm off up to the church for a beer and a wank"

PikachuSayBoo Fri 26-Aug-16 22:06:42

Are you sure he was wanking? Maybe he's pokemon hunting, churches are often pokestops.

helensburgh Fri 26-Aug-16 22:06:56

I'd phone the police emergency number . Especially as you have his regular number and explain.

Scrumptiousbears Fri 26-Aug-16 22:10:59

Totally agree. Call 101.

BeanyGodkin Fri 26-Aug-16 22:12:36

PikachuSayBoo It IS a pokestop...,but I doubt he finds many down his trousers.

I'll phone the police. I mean, it's a bit gross for all the genuine people who tend their relative's graves.

AlpacaLypse Fri 26-Aug-16 22:29:23

I do feel rather sorry for him, needing to go for his solitary beer and wank up your cul de sac (ooo errr mississ!) But agree not very nice to do it by a church. I was very upset when I went to visit my dad/granny/brother's grave about 18 months ago and found a couple snogging furiously on the bench about six feet away.

AlpacaLypse Fri 26-Aug-16 22:30:50

Sorry, missed a plural there - granny, dad and brother all have separate graves, just very close to each other. And this bench was bang in the middle of them.

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