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Do i give stbx half the money ?

(12 Posts)
darlingish Wed 13-Jan-16 17:46:31

Hi
Prob ethically wrong but .....
am divorcing stbx.
He over the years ran up many many debts and I always ended up sorting out his mess. Even now I help him with his money .
Im organising the divorce and paying all the costs .
He still lives with his mother ( 2 yrs later ) and has once again not paid his cc bill - I know because for 18 months the letters were still coming here despite me doing everything to stop them.
Its never thro lack of money. He is basically lazy .
Its small amounts defaulted because he just doesn't pay .
He was being chased for a debt of 3000 from 20 years ago .
I sat him down and explained that he shouldn't acknowledge it unless he intended to pay it but that after 20 years he need not worry .
I asked him if hed thought about claiming for PPI on it - he never would as after 27 years I know him . he's lazy ! If someone did it for him .... well .
I asked him if hed mind if I did as it was I thought in joint names . He said he was fine with that but wont even remember the conversation.
Anyway I filled out the ppi form and they've offered me 3200 payable to the complainant - me .
Now I know I should give him half ( he will spend it unwisely when assuring his 4 dc he has been saving for a deposit to rent his own house for 2 yrs but takes new gf away regularly instead ). And I also know what he spends it on really is none of my business.
However Im paying out £4000 for divorce and financial settlement this month which will wipe out the last of my savings .
I have to watch everything we spend / save so we can move on .
Legally we can stay here until my youngest reaches 18, but I have said we ( I ) will sell the house so he can have his money he now and we can allstart afresh .
Now I have the children 95 % of the time- they go about once a month for a sleepover. Also supporting daughter at uni .
He does pay maintenance regularly and well.

My best friend said - oh for goodness sake just use it to the pay the solicitor then you will have spent it on something to help you both move forward .
I think I will which is ethically wrong but I really need the money I have saved for divorce in case the car or boiler etc breaks . I am very sensible with money and looking to be in a postion to sell the house so we can all make a new start .Unless I organise all this it just doesn't happen .
Posted also in divorce section , but should I just give him half and save again ?
Its so tempting to just pay the solicitor .
He's not short of money by the way - he doesn't pay his parents anything and is driving around in a brand new Mercedes and spending money like water - but I know that doesn't make it ethically right .
Thanks for reading

redhat Wed 13-Jan-16 17:49:26

Won't this have to be disclosed as part of the divorce?

Audreyhelp Wed 13-Jan-16 17:49:27

I think it's right you keep the money he couldn't be bothered to claim it.
Just think of it going towards solicitors fees his half.

5BlueHydrangea Wed 13-Jan-16 17:53:03

Keep it.

expatinscotland Wed 13-Jan-16 17:55:05

Keep the money.

lighteningirl Wed 13-Jan-16 18:02:07

Dear God woman keep it you have no chance of him paying his share of anything. If you feel bad put his share in an account and everyone something for the kids comes up take his share out of it.

FlopIsMyParentingGuru Wed 13-Jan-16 18:06:45

I would imagine that using this money could simply be framed as both parties contributing equally to legal costs.
Seems fair to me

lovefairylights Wed 13-Jan-16 18:13:48

flops point is very good should help you with the ethics of it...
don't be stupid and give him any of it

Kleptronic Wed 13-Jan-16 18:17:30

Keep it.

janethegirl2 Wed 13-Jan-16 18:29:19

Use it to pay for the divorce, you then both benefit from it

Penfold007 Wed 13-Jan-16 18:39:32

If your STBX has a credit card and owes money on it, then makes a successful PPI claim any money is automatically used to clear the original debt.

LovelyFriend Wed 13-Jan-16 22:41:09

Absolutely keep it

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