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It's not the money its the sibling hatred and turning my mum against me that hurts.

(6 Posts)
doormat21 Fri 29-May-15 20:56:47

Well actually it is the money, it's all to do with money, it's what drives a family apart. My sister has probably been on all forums to find out the best way to legally screw me over. If you want to know how then read on but firstly have a think about the human, emotional element. I, according to my sister was 'joined at the hip,' with my mum. We were very close and as my sister admitted she never really cared much for our mum so our closeness never really mattered much. Moving on to 3 years ago when our stepfather died she, I told my sister there was money in the pot. My mum was slowing slipping into dementia, great time to strike and strike she did. She and my aunt ousted me out, closed me out of the family by lying and had my mum change her will. I cant prove she did this under duress in fact I cant prove anything I say but I can say that I'm devastated and deeply hurt. It has changed my life, I cant believe the hurt they have inflicted. They,my aunt and sister changed my mums phone number so I can't call and now they have put her into a nursing home and apparently have me barred and my two adult kids from visiting. I've got no idea what I've/we've done to deserve this. My sister who has no money is now driving around in a new car £25,000 worth (second new car in 2 years) and just back from her 6th holiday abroad. In short the money is being spent and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm worried about my mothers wealth and her payments to stay in the care home. And because I'm human I hate that my sister is spending un-earned cash (she's never had a job in her life) and I'm left out of it. I can't even get a photo of my dad or a sentimental memoir. I've got no say in what will happen to my mum's house. My sister is using it as a second home at the moment and has changed the locks. Seems she can do what she likes and her close friend (our aunt) has been made POA.
It is beyond me how cruel they have been as through the years I've done nothing but help them when needed. I will admit that my sister has always been cool with me, she's just over a year older than me and probably wishes I'd never been born. But I am here and I hurt.
I have lovely, sucessful kids and a wonderful husband but that doesn't stop my heart from breaking. How do I deal with this huge emotional mountain? Doubt they will even tell me when my mum dies.

tribpot Fri 29-May-15 21:04:33

So from what you write, this is a form of elder abuse. There is clearly a financial aspect to it, your sister is not exactly hiding the fact she is taking money from your mum, but also the emotional, by cutting you off from her.

I would give the AEA a ring to discuss your options, and if you can take some advice from a solicitor. Is there a friend or family member who could at least report back to you on your mother's health and wellbeing?

doormat21 Sat 30-May-15 09:56:56

Thank you tribpot. I will give the AEA a call on Monday.
The cost of a solicitor is about £150 for an hour and then letters etc would soon mount up to something I can't afford. I also have the feeling that my sister has managed to dupe me out of an equal share of any inheritance. It's a bitter pill to swallow but it has all been done methodically and legally. She has taken an old woman and turned her head.
Sorry to sound so hopeless but really my purpose in writing is to find out if this has happened to someone else and did the sky turn blue at the end of it!
My health has suffered as I find out that I have only one sister and she can be so bad and I have an aunt who backs her up. There is no one else to turn to.

Reubs15 Sun 02-Aug-15 10:06:08

Definitely financial abuse, I've worked with the elderly and there are a lot of major red flags here!
Personally I would be more upset about the relationship with family rather than the money. If you can't get any then try and look at it in a positive way, you never had the money so you won't miss it

countrygal1 Wed 05-Aug-15 12:42:33

A horrible story and all too frequently this kind of thing happens. If you think the Power Of Attorney responsibilities are being abused, you can inform the Office of the Public Guardian who will look into it. Had your mum been declared to have lost capacity when her will was changed? When was your aunt given POA as this can only be done while the donor (your mum) has capacity? I'd definitely give the Office of the Public Guardian a ring - their number is on the website and they're very helpful.

countrygal1 Wed 05-Aug-15 13:59:49

Just an aside. You might want to check out narcissistic personality disorder/sociopaths online. All your sister's behaviour smacks of this type of disorder and is not great to read about but may give you some understanding as to why you're being treated as you are. These types need no sympathy for their 'problem' but you need to protect yourself against them. However, if your sister can be caught defrauding your mum, I would say this should be attempted.

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