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Grandparent issues

(5 Posts)
BeeRayKay Wed 17-Dec-14 19:47:14

So. This might be long but I don't want to drip feed.

Me and my husband and our two dd's live 40 miles away from my dad his wife and their daughters. Not far, most of my family live in the same place (bar my other siblings who live newcastle derby and new zealand) we used to average seeing my dad and his family once every couple of months when we went over there. Occasionally more often. I used to speak to him once a amonth on the phone. I'd text occasionally.

I call them his wife and their children because my dad has been with his wife since I was born, but we've never been close (i didnt really see my dad much growing up despite growing up only a street away from him) and his two other daughters are 13 and 11. So big age gap.

Last time I saw them was last christmas, we visited them with our girls. May rolled round, and I'd tried to set up a visit with them between then and May but sopme thing always came up. It was my sisters 12th birthday so I texted and arranged to meet them in the local city, they go every weekend, we were making a specific trip to see them. Dad kept messing aroundd until at the last minute he sent a message saying they were leaving early and so we wouldn't see them. So I said ok and that I'd post my sisters card and gift.

Then June came, no word from my dad until a week after my daughters birthday when he sent her a card with a toys R us gift voucher. Two weeks later it was my birthday, which passed without so much as a message. So I clicked something was wrong.

I rang and got no answer, so I text and asked what I'd done to cause him not to speak to me, and got no reply. Tried contacting 3 more times and got no where. So asked my Aunt and Uncle if they knew (they see him frequently) and they said they had no idea. So asked my older brother to ask him as I knew they were seeing each other. So brother asekd and dad just said he wouldn't talk about it.....

So September arrived, and he sent my 5 year old daughter a card and gicft voucher for the ELC which is a bit pointless as we dont have one near us (nearest is meadowhall i think?) and ...she's 5? But no other contact.

So today two cards arrived with a £10 gift voucher for build a bear in for each otf the girls.

Now the girls don't know these have arrived, haven't seen their "grandparents" in over a year.... I'm just tempted to send them back to him with a note attached saying the girls don't need gifts they just need their grandparents and aunties...dh says what ever I do he will support me in, but I don't know what to do?

He couold have asked to see the girls and had them without me there, that wouldn't have been an issue...I'm confused....advice?

God sorry about the length of it. And thats without a load of other info put in.

Mrsgrumble Wed 17-Dec-14 19:51:30

I don't know what to advice op but I wouldn't send the gifts back, honestly I would send a thank you note from the children.

Then I wouldn't try and make contact again. It is very hurtful but something has happened. I am not blaming you but could a comment have been misinterpreted by your father or similar. Something has hurt him and he is getting you back passively.

Step back and leave him make contact.

BeeRayKay Wed 17-Dec-14 20:02:44

Oh I don't doubt I said something to offend him, perhaps my sexuality, or intolerance of sexism/racism/homophobia, the list is endless.....we're highly incompatible people.

I just don't want my girls confused, my eldest remembers them obviously and she's a very sensitive girl, and my youngest has no recollection of them . It's hard enough with one of their other granddads who they only see sporadically, but thats cause he lives abroad.

ColdCottage Sat 20-Dec-14 23:49:12

Have you tried writing to him and his wife (so she can read the letter too) to ask then what had happened and how you can both more forward to repair whatever has happened?

BeeRayKay Tue 23-Dec-14 16:01:43

I'll try it, but his wife will just do whatever he wants her to. Like I say, I never really saw them growing up despite only living one street away.

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