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Abortion regret a week later...someone help me x

(15 Posts)
sofiamac Sun 30-Nov-14 18:48:58

Hi Everyone,

I hope everyone in previous messages are feeling a little better...I feel for everyone of you xx

I had an abortion a week ago ;( I am not coping very well with it...having nightmares and crying at random times at work in the day, in the morning and at night. I read stories all day on the internet, and look at pictures of babies that have been aborted, and the procedure of what was done to them and now I cannot stop thinking of the pain it went through because of me If I could turn back time I would. All i want is to turn back time...my stomach is still big and i pretend the baby is still there but then it all comes crashing down it isn't. My period has come back too so I know it isn't.

My story is that I came back home from living a great life in America, and my life just fell apart coming back home. I live with my mum, as I am on a minimum wage job and cannot afford my on place. I have debt coming out of my ears, and owe quite alot of money. I have no car and have had quite bad depression. My mum and me have not been getting on for the last year as she has her own problems and has turned to drink to cope. She has hit me twice whilst being under the influence. I didn't have enough money from my job to move out so just stay in my room to sleep to get away from the arguments.

I got involved with a bad guy and it ended as fast as it started...basically after a month. I took it quite badly and was drinking on my lunch and after work with colleagues and then out all wknd with friends just not to deal with anything. I also took drugs to forget. Something I am not proud of but that's how I could forget how my life had turned out. I didn't think I could get pregnant.a few weeks later I had a period for about a month but just thought it was nothing to worry about. then they stopped but I just thought I was late. My friend made me take a text which came back positive, I thought I was under 2 months about a month and a half. I told the guy that I had decided to have an abortion he said he was quite shocked and upset.He has 8 kids, no job, has no money himself and out constantly and said his kids were all grown up and didn;t really want any at this age. When we were together he said he wanted another child but that was obviously another lie.

I went to the doctors the next day thinking I could take a pill but she had to refer me somewhere else. He never texted me or called me to see what happened or was I ok. A few days later he texted me at 4am asking was I out at a club. It completely disgusted me and I was still pregnant and thought I was making the right decision to go to the clinic. I had to have a consultation and that took another week cos they kept cancelling it at the clinic...so I was pregnant for another 2 weeks. I thought long and hard and thought it was for the best.

I went to the clinic on my own, worst time of my life..all the girls crying but had their partners and I was on my own. I went to have an scan before the procedure and they said they couldn't do it as I was 16 weeks plus and they would had to refer me to another hospital. I was in complete shock and crying. I didn't understand how this had happened. The nurse said the bleeding for a month could have been twins?? and one survived? I don't have any answers as no-one really told me much. I was booked into the hospital the next day where they said I would have counselling and I thought I could decide then. I felt so terrible how much I had been drinking and taking drugs at the wknd and the effect it would have on my baby. Isn't that when the baby develops the 1st month? All I could think about was how much I had damaged my baby, and how it would have to live what I had done to it for the rest of it's life. I didn't want it being deformed or having my depression, and I don't think I could have coped looking at it knowing I did that.

The next day had a huge argument with my mum and knew I didn't want to bring my child up at my mum's with the arguments, the depression, no money, no dad, reliant on my mum for money and her reminding me every day, My job is a temp contract and ends in Dec so I would have no job and no place would take me on being pregnant. It was the hardest decision of my life and I nearly walked out a hundred times but they had given me the pills to open your cervix so the girl next to me said I couldn't then. I cried the whole time and then I woke up and it was over. I thought I would be ok but it's hit me like a lead balloon. I feel like I have just made excuses and been selfish. I feel other people are in the same situation and get through it?? I cannot forget how much I drank to get over the break up and then drugs at the wknd, I ate bad foods and drank 5 cans of redbull to get through the day. I feel so bad cos if I had known i would never have done that. Can someone tell me that I did the right thing? That my baby could not have developed properly or had serious problems with what I did? I have friends saying I am making excuses but they weren't with me when I was drinking everyday.

I should have been still pregnant and protected my baby but I don't feel I can look after myself mentally never mind someone else. I am so haunted by what I have done. I want another baby desperately but my situation hasn't changed. I am also worried if I do get pregnant again I will have severe depression that this isn't the baby I killed and then not want it cos it should be the one I killed. I know it was my decision and I have to live with this for the rest of my life Hope someone can please help me...Thank you xx

LegoAdventCalendar Sun 30-Nov-14 19:09:43

Just didn't want to read and run. I think you did the right thing and have been so brave about it.

ForTheLoveOfSocks Sun 30-Nov-14 19:19:44

You poor, poor thing. In your situation I would have done the same thing.

I have nothing useful to say, but just wanted to offer a big <<<<<hug>>>>> and support.

Is there any counselling you can access to help you to come to terms everything that's happened?

LurcioAgain Sun 30-Nov-14 19:21:30

Hi. Poor you. It sounds like quite aside from the abortion you have had an absolutely hellish time over the last few months. FWIW it sounds to me like you made the best decision available to you in an incredibly hard set of circumstances and even though you are grieving and terribly sad (understandably) in the long run you'll come to realise it was the right decision. Others will be along with more experience but it's probably worth talking to the council's housing office about your mum's violence - I would have thought that would makeyyou a priority case for housing.

fusspot66 Sun 30-Nov-14 19:22:51

Dear Sofia,
I have never had to deal with an unplanned pregnancy with a useless bad guy. I have never had a home where I felt unwelcome. I have never had a low paid job on a short term contract. And yet I can see how much thought went into your difficult decision. Please be kind to yourself. You made a brave choice. Maybe use your grief to focus on getting your life back on track. flowers

Edenviolet Sun 30-Nov-14 19:26:11

I'm so sorry you are going through this flowers

HoleyJoe Sun 30-Nov-14 19:31:46

So sorry, this all sounds very painful.

Don't forget that your hormones will have been on a rolllercoaster in the changes , and coupled with your depression you are bound t be feeling unstable and heightened.

The thing is you feel trapped by your life now - having a baby would only make things harder for you.

Give yourself time to recover, and then spend some time looking after YOU. When you are strong, and stable and life is more within your own control then will be the right tome to have a baby with a guy who is not a lying feckless knob.

In your place, I too would have chosen not to go ahead with the pg.

Take care of yourself, OP.

HollyJollyXmas Sun 30-Nov-14 19:31:59

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. It sounds like you made the best decision you could have made in a terribly hard situation. My heart really goes out to you.

I also had an abortion I regretted, but that ultimately was for the best, and it is so hard, I know. Totally understand the mix of emotions you must be feeling right now.

Is there any way you could have some more counselling, to help you through this difficult time, and also to help you start to make some plans as to how you can sort things out in your life? You have a lot on your plate and you sound like you could do with some support.

Much love x

3littlebadgers Sun 30-Nov-14 19:33:10

So sorry you are going through such a terrible time of it thanks

AcrossthePond55 Sun 30-Nov-14 19:40:04

Oh my dear, you made the best decision for yourself. You just need time. If possible, see if you can get some short term counseling. In the meantime, please stop looking on the internet. You are only torturing yourself. You are worthwhile and deserve a good life. The experience you had was truly awful, but you will survive.

Please, please, don't make the same mistake again. I know you think you want a baby, but it won't make anything better. Your time will come, it's just not right now. Please get reliable birth control.

Right now, focus on how you can make your life better. Can you go to school or get in a training programme to qualify you for a better job? Is there anyone you know who would be able to rent you a room or flat-share to get you out of your mum's house?

LegoAdventCalendar Sun 30-Nov-14 19:43:59

Yy, please do not get pregnant again until you have sorted your life out and had some counselling.

Seriouslyffs Sun 30-Nov-14 19:52:56

What's done is done and was for the best. Stop torturing yourself, shake yourself down and make something good out of this situation by getting your life back on track. Why did you come back from America? What can you change about your life? Plan on clearing your debts, getting stable and becoming the person who could have a child.

NeedABumChangeNotANameChange Sun 30-Nov-14 19:55:26

You sound like your in a bit of a mess tbh a baby wouldn't have helped your situation. If you want to save money to leave home you need to stop going out and spending your money on drink and drugs and clubs. Then you can get away from your mother, and offer a baby a much happy life in the future. But for now please use contraception. You don't sound at all ready for a baby, you have to think that this has happened now. You can't change it. Use this as the incident to turn your life around. You don't want to go through this again.

Sorry you are struggling flowers

Seriouslyffs Sun 30-Nov-14 19:57:06

But most importantly as lego says don't get pregnant again now. Have you noticed how no one has judged you on this thread? You've had a terrible time of it recently but this could be the start of your new life.
In 5 or 10 years time you could be settled with a good man and children and looking back at this period as the trauma and sadness that turned your life around.
BUT NOT IF YOU GET PREGNANT NOW! flowers

Maiyakat Sun 30-Nov-14 19:58:32

I'm so sorry you're going through this. There is lots of support out there, mostly free through charities. Google 'post abortion counselling' and I'm sure there'll be something near you. Don't go through this alone x

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