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Should I tell the school?

(25 Posts)
AJ65 Sat 08-Nov-14 14:15:55

My daughter reports that one of her freinds (year 4) has her lunch packed by her older brother (year 7 or 8 maybe) and often only has a yoghurt and a piece of fruit. She says the girls occasionally fixes her own lunches which are better.

My husband thinks I should report this as possible abuse / neglect.

Should I?

Haggisfish Sat 08-Nov-14 14:18:25

I would mention it to the classroom teacher, yes.

Coolas Sat 08-Nov-14 14:28:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GallbladderFairy Sat 08-Nov-14 14:32:34

Hmm. Tricky. There may be a reason he brother does it such as the mum being a shift worker and asleep and they are told not to wake her unless emergency etc. although it would be better if the brother had better instruction in that case on what to out in the box. However a quiet word to the teacher probably won't hurt. Is the girl complaining about being hungry?

AJ65 Sat 08-Nov-14 14:49:26

I don't know if she complains about being hungry - I'll ask if my daughter brings it up again - but she is very skinny!

I'll see if I can have a word with the class teacher.

LemonBreeland Sat 08-Nov-14 14:50:50

I would think that surely school would notice what she has. Luch supervisors would surely see.

theposterformallyknownas Sat 08-Nov-14 14:58:33

Ime lunch supervisors don't see much, they have too much to do to be responsible for checking who has what.
They won't even open packets for little ones at some schools, the older kids do it for the youngest.

VinoTime Sat 08-Nov-14 15:06:44

I ate very little as a child. I was skinny as a rake and could fill up on a couple of mouthfuls - literally no appetite whatsoever. My dad used to pack me a yoghurt, a box of raisins and a carton of juice my for lunch because I would actually eat a little of both and drink the juice. My folks gave up making me sandwiches, etc. They just went to waste.

So...it could be completely innocent and easily explained, but I would give it a gentle mention to the class teacher just so that the concern has been noted. You'll feel a bit more at ease at passing it along and if there is an issue to be found, hopefully the school can sort it smile

QuintsBombWithAWiew Sat 08-Nov-14 15:09:46

Do talk to the teacher.

A 10 year old boy starved to death in his home over summer (In Norway I hasten to add, in case you wonder why you have not read about it in the news)

Panzee Sat 08-Nov-14 15:13:11

Yes, please mention it. Jigsaw pieces... Also it's not your place to decide why she might be having a small lunch. Let the experts deal with that.

AlphaBravoHenryFoxtons Sat 08-Nov-14 15:16:00

The sort of house that has fruit and yoghourt in it, doesn't sound like the sort of house where someone is likely to starve to death.

PuddingandPie1 Sat 08-Nov-14 15:20:23

Please do mention it to the school - this coming week if possible!

nooka Sat 08-Nov-14 15:22:30

That's a pretty weird thing to say. Children have starved to death in houses full of food, they just weren't allowed to eat it sad

I'd mention this to a teacher, yes. There might be reasons for the small lunch, but something doesn't sound quite right (even if it's just that something has been lost in translation)

BraeburnIsNotHam Sat 08-Nov-14 15:24:49

Mention it as an observation from you DC, no need to pass judgement. If there is something to it, you will have done the right thing by reporting it. If there is nothing to it, you cared enough to raise it out of concern. You can't lose!!

tenderbuttons Sat 08-Nov-14 15:29:35

I did child protection training this week, and one of the key points was what Panzee said, jigsaw pieces. it's a small thing in itself but may be part of a bigger picture, so it's impossible for you to judge how important it may be.

(Interestingly, one of the other points was that even as a volunteer at a school, it would be my legal duty to report something like this, which I did not know).

PigletJohn Sat 08-Nov-14 15:46:08

not just in Norway.

Was it last year that a neglected child died, after having been seen scavenging in school bins for food? I think the story was "none of our business" from everyone involved.

LIZS Sat 08-Nov-14 15:51:13

A 8/9 yr old could put a simple sandwich together if ingredients are available. Do mention to a teacher, it may be one part of a pattern or may be nothing.

PigletJohn Sat 08-Nov-14 15:59:33

Yes. Daniel Pelka.

AJ65 Sun 09-Nov-14 11:46:39

Thanks for all your comments - I will mention it to the class teacher when I can catch him.

AJ65 Wed 12-Nov-14 11:05:55

So, I mentioned it to the Deputy Head this morning. She knows the girl and doesn't think there's an issue, but was glad I'd raised it.

Haggisfish Wed 12-Nov-14 11:14:31

Good. Always better to mention something than think if only

500smiles Wed 12-Nov-14 11:18:00

Well done OP, better to mention that not.

steppemum Wed 12-Nov-14 11:21:34

I am going to completely disagree with this thread.

1. a year 4 child is quite capable of making a sandwich and a packed lunch. When dd went away with school on a residential in year 3 the kids had to make their own lunch. So if the girl is not happy with the lunch, why can't she add something herself?

2. In a primary school, the lunchtime staff have a pretty good idea of what is in the kids lunchboxes. If there was a problem, because they don't think she has enough, I bet they already know.

3. the year 7/8 child is also quite capable of making lunch, and it may be his chore for the day to make kids lunches.

EustaciaBenson Mon 17-Nov-14 01:13:07

Steppemum I think the point is that a child of this age could add more food, so the fact that the child isnt may mean that they arent allowed to and thats where it comes in as a piece of the jigsaw puzzle

Also there may not be enough food in the house to add more food to it. The year 7 child may have to be making the lunches because there are no parents in the house to do it.

There are perfectly reasonable explanations which means if this is all that is wrong then the teachers etc probably wont worry about it much. But if for example the child often turned up dirty, or in unwashed clothes etc it could all add up to a bigger picture, and the op before speaking to the teacher didnt have enough of the picture to know if this probably had a reasonable explanation

benfoldsfive Wed 03-Dec-14 10:19:41

My son leaves the house with a packed lunch. Often he hides some of it/eats it/tells his friends he has nothing/tries to swap/doesnt bother putting qhats on offer in as he knows he wont eat it. No reason why he just thinks everyone elses is brilliant in comparison to his and wants to try them! He is the same age as op, makes his own lunch. Storm in a tea cup. Yes always raise a flag but be aware that children are children and bizzare by nature!

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