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Man who keeps visiting our house(28 Posts)
There is a man who used to live in our house - I don't know how long ago but it must be at least 17 years ago because we have lived here 10 years and the previous owners lived here 7 - who keeps coming round. He seems to have mental health issues because he talks out loud saying really strange things when there is nobody there. I think he may come round quite often when we're not in because I find piles of takeaway menus or letters etc in the front garden. I don't think he's stalking me but he seems obsessed with the house. Today I heard him outside talking to himself saying some weird and some fairly obscene things and he was sitting on our front step with records and paperwork and a drink all piled up beside him. I had to go out to get the kids from school and the only way I could leave (it being a narrow step) was to open the door and tell him to go. I felt very nervous and intimidated because being on my own I thought there was a risk he might try to get inside the house. He did clear off leaving piles of paperwork on the front step. I'm not sure he's committing any offence and I have no evidence that he is dangerous in any way (though none that he's not) but I feel quite shaken after today's encounter. Any advice anyone? Thanks.
Do any of the neighbours know him?
Whether he's guilty of an offence or not, if you are alarmed by it, you can call the police (non-emergency number) and report it.
To sit on your front step is he on your property i.e in your garden or is it straight onto the path. I would think if he was in your garden you could call the police to remove him
What sort of paperwork did he leave behind?
I would be reporting it to the police and asking their advice. Not surprised you felt intimidated!
Worth asking the neighbours if they know anything about him too.
No the neighbours don't know him but I think I know where he lives because someone from the same family gave us an address in case any post came for them (at least 17 years after they moved out!) He leaves behind unopened letters dated from years ago, leaflets, lottery slips, yellow pages etc. Yes he does have to come into our front garden to sit on the step but I'm not sure it counts as trespass because he's not doing anything to the property or taking anything away.
What is the set up like outside your house. Is there a gate you could lock? Maybe only temporarily but to break the habit.
I would of thought he is trespassing by simply being there when he shouldn't be.
It sounds as though the poor guy needs some help really
It sounds unnerving.
Any chance of asking around where you think he lives to see if he's known and see if he seems ok.
Chances are he's a harmless, sad, lonely soul.
I would speak to the police, not so much out of fear but in the hope they would be able to find out if he's under care of the local health team, getting support etc.
I would find it unnerving too.
Thanks for the advice everyone. I can't really lock the gate but we never really close it so that might help. I'll have a chat with the Safer Neighbourhoods Team too.
Yes, talk to the noddyplods or call the police non-emergency number. This man may well be harmless, and could be in need of help and support, but his issues are not your responsibility. He has no right to make you feel uncomfortable and scared in your own home. You might be able to get a restraint/non-molestation order against him which bars him from coming within a certain distance of your house.
If he has mental health issues a restraint order would probably be pretty useless.
Try phoning 101 next time he's there. If he does have MH issues and has an attachment to your house because he lived there the police may be able to get a contact number for his carer or next of kin who you could phone in future when he shows up. Alternatively if they get the details they may tell you to phone when he appears and they'll call the nok.
One way or another you need to stop him
Hi OP how long has it been going on? Months years weeks? I only say that as my friends family have a missing male member of their family. and he has slight mental health issues.
So my point is contact the police and let them know he could be a vulnerable man who should be in care. Or indeed my friends brother if you live near Tewkesbury.
That is creepy
Maybe he is trying to get back memorys before he was ill
Either way thats not your problem
You need to call the police
Update - tonight we had a woman bang on the door. My husband answered and she said 'Get out of my house. Get out of my house tonight' and then cleared off. I did ring the police on 101, not because I was expecting them to do anything, but so it would be logged if she turns up repeatedly. My husband was pretty upset about it, especially since we have owned the house for more than a decade. It could be totally random but because of our previous issues with the guy turning up I'm wondering whether there's a group of siblings who are now adults but are still obsessed with the house where they grew up. Any advice appreciated!
I was thinking the same as pp's, maybe a lonely man who had good memories of the house, and perhaps mental health problems. And that you'd be best phoning the police to see if they could check he's okay/ask him a little about himself next time you see him. But the woman turning up and doing that?
Perhaps ownership was in dispute a few years ago and they've never got over it. Are they very old? Do they look as though dementia might be causing it? No other advice other than to reiterate keeping the police aware but you have my sympathy, that does sound creepy.
Probably not the case but a relative of mine suffered dementia and used to wander 'home' from the nursing home quite often. Except it wasn't home anymore. The owner would kindly take my relative back to the nursing home or ring one of us.
However as he's causing a nuisance for you I would ring 101 and see if there's a PCSO who can come round when he's usually there and find out if he needs help
Have any of your neighbours been there long enough to know anything about the mans family/when he lived there? If they have seen him sitting on your step themselves they will know who you mean. I would mention the woman too. Maybe there's some back story there that will shed light on all this.
because I find piles of takeaway menus or letters etc in the front garden
Have you checked it's not your post and not just chucked it all in the bin without looking? When I go outside to have a smoke I will often grab my keys and shut door behind me to keep the heat in. If the postman comes while I'm out, he just hands me my post over the fence. In case your postman thinks he is just a bit odd but a resident of the house and does the same?
It sounds like dementia to me. Peoples memories go backwards. They remember their longest memory the longest. My MIL thinks she lives in her childhood home with her long dead parents..
Did you ever find out for sure who the guy was or did he just stop showing up? I think I'd tend to feel the two incidents were related somehow. Was your home ever used as a 'group home' or 'care home' of any kind?
Thanks all. It's definitely not our post - it's a motley collection of takeaway menus, v old yellow pages, mental health leaflets (definitely a clue there) and records (vinyl). We also get things like that posted to our house, addressed to what I think is either the man himself or maybe his dad - this has been happening intermittently for several years. So I have a good idea of the second name of the man but not any more than that. The
house hasn't ever been a group home to my knowledge - I think the man and woman are probably siblings who grew up in the house. If it were dementia it would be early onset in both of them, which I suppose is possible but I think it's more likely to be mental health problems. Unfortunately the neighbour who would have known them has dementia himself and has moved to a care home. I haven't seen the man for a while but we've been having a lot of work done in the front garden, which might have put him off. I realise it's hard to give advice on this - but I've appreciated getting it off my chest and hearing others' thoughts.