Advanced search

friend of DD being thrown out at 18

(41 Posts)
molliec Mon 28-Jan-13 16:48:34

My dds friend is on the verge of being thrown out by his father and step mother. He has has tentatively asked if he can stay in our spare room and pay rent from a small part time job. He is a nice lad and struggling to finish A levels and get to university. For some reason they do seem to be giving him a very hard time. I usually take what the kids say with a pinch of salt but this case seems genuine. He is rarely allowed to use the computer or internet - his course is computer studies- so he is already a year behind. His list of cores after school make me go pale. I dont want to interfere and cannot really afford a lodger but at 18 I cant think of anyone else to help him.

Crinkle77 Tue 26-Mar-13 16:01:27

You have only heard your sons friends version of events. The parents might have another story to tell

CalamityJ Tue 26-Mar-13 02:09:11

Just seen your change in circumstances. As others have said, there will be people to help you as they would help your daughter's friend so please talk to them. CAB, housing department, even the Samaritains if you're saying what I think you're saying.

CalamityJ Tue 26-Mar-13 02:04:48

My parents were in a similar situation and took my friend in. It ended up only being temporary as he then made contact with an aunt and moved in with her. So why not take him in on the understanding it's temporary and then look into something more permanent. My friend would have had to drop out of school without my parents intervening and he's now a very successful accountant. There will be some way of helping your daughter's friend in the long run as others have suggested but please do help him in the short term till he can access the longer term options.

raisah Sat 23-Feb-13 04:26:32

So sorry to hear about your change in circumstances. As previous posters say chin up & face the world, if you are tired come here to find some rest. Plenty of ppl here to hold your hand & give you support. In the meantime sign up to a couple of temping agencies to keep your options open. My friend signed upto Brook ST temping agency (they r nationwide & online) when her job finished. They got her a job as a dept secretary at a university within 3 days. Send them your cv & your daughters too so they can find her a job during the summer hils. Good luck & keep us posted.

CheerfulYank Sat 23-Feb-13 04:22:53

We'll help you. None of this calling it a day.

This boy needs you, so do your husband and DD. What do you need? What exactly is going on?

raisah Sat 23-Feb-13 04:16:15

Yes do it & help him fulfill his dreams & potential in life. It can go wrong v quickly if you weren't prepared to take him in. So many young people end up on the streeys becausr of their dysfunctional homr lives. His father should not expect his son to look out for him when he becomes a dependent as a pensioner. His son owes him nothing and should concentrate on making a success of his life thanks to you.

ChinUpChestOut Thu 31-Jan-13 09:47:35

Mollie you're not calling it a day. There's still fight in you yet. Get that chin up and chest out, girl, and take it one day at a time.

You've had an idea to help a deserving lad out, now follow up on it with the CAB and see what benefits he's entitled to. Whilst you're down there, ask them about your own situation if push comes to shove and you lose your job. You don't get made homeless overnight, with no notice. Mollie, you have a big heart that will get you through, and MN will keep encouraging you on, and give you plenty of advice on where to go for help etc.

CuriousMama Thu 31-Jan-13 09:39:59

Oh sorry just saw your latest post. How awful for you all.

FiercePanda Thu 31-Jan-13 09:34:20

If your H could stay with friends, so could you. Please go to CAB and find out how you can protect yourself and your family. You are not alone, Mollie. Keep talking.

CuriousMama Thu 31-Jan-13 09:25:33

sad Poor lad. Thank God he has you.

PeachActiviaMinge Thu 31-Jan-13 09:23:02

Mollie go look at your beautiful DD tell her you love her and think of all the wonderful things she has coming up in her life then tell me you could just call it a day. Even in our darkest times we have hope sweetheart you have wonderful people in your life and you sound like a wonderful person. Get yourself to the CAB and start doing what you can to protect yourself if you do end up losing your job if you need to scream and shout or just talk PM me I can always listen.

You are not alone. I'm here I can listen and I will. No-one is ever truly alone.

FiercePanda Thu 31-Jan-13 09:17:48

What do you mean by "call it a day", mollie...?

molliec Thu 31-Jan-13 09:13:46

Things are looking much worse for all of us now. My job is at serious risk which means the end. There is no chance of keeping the house if this happens so we could all be homeless. DD could stay with friends until she goes to university - husband could stay with friends. I would just call it a day - im just too tired of fighting life all the time. But I would regret leaving this nice lad with nowhere to go.

molliec Tue 29-Jan-13 19:31:51

Thanks .This has given me some avenues to explore. We`ll manage somehow and, you never know, he may make millions in the future and be really grateful.
Meanwhile i think the child benefit is a definate.

LesbianMummy1 Mon 28-Jan-13 22:00:45 may be able to help work out what he would be entitled to.

bubbles1231 Mon 28-Jan-13 21:46:52

CAB have fantastic benefits advisors. You fill out a form about circumstances, they plug it into their computer and it tells exactly which benefits can be claimed. Some CABs are first come first served and you have to wait it out, but others you can make an appt. Please be patient though as they are seriously overstretched.

MisForMumNotMaid Mon 28-Jan-13 18:55:09

possibly he could get this £1200/yr

Income support seams a bit hazy on whether he'd get it. It'd be worth an appointment with the school student councillor, unfortunately they'll have seen it before.

EMA (educational maintenance allowance) is still available in Wales, i know its not in England but if your in Scotland or N.Ireland its one to check out.

The social fund will make one of payments. If you decided to take him in you could request two months deposit, which he could apply to the social fund for This would then be his when he/ you're ready for him to move on to put down on his next place. It would obviously insure you as well against that tiny bit of risk - I know thats not what you're posting about.

MariusEarlobe Mon 28-Jan-13 18:50:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

orangeandlemons Mon 28-Jan-13 18:44:56

I think you would also be eligible for his child benefit.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Mon 28-Jan-13 18:41:16

OP you are a good woman to do this. I hope that I would do the same as you if confronted with this situation.

If he is 18 and not living with his parents, then I would think he should be entitled to something - do students get HB?

I would definitely speak to school, and if you get no luck there then perhaps go with him to CAB and see what they think?

JenaiMorris Mon 28-Jan-13 18:37:36

Would he be allowed to claim anything, seeing as he isn't a job seeker?

I certainly hope so, poor lad.

AvonCallingBarksdale Mon 28-Jan-13 18:36:34

I would, and my parents did with one of my friends. I think, once you know they're in trouble, you can't not IYSWIM. You sound lovely, OP

noddyholder Mon 28-Jan-13 18:29:27

I say yes do it.

ihearsounds Mon 28-Jan-13 18:24:18

Benefit changes mean that he would only be able to rent a room as a house share anyway. At least if you take him in, he knows the other tenants. Plus if you are a tenant he would be doing you a favour because that spare room would no longer be a spare room and cost you more.

nancerama Mon 28-Jan-13 18:20:20

DH's DB was in a similar situation. MIL remarried and as soon as BIL turned 18 they refused to support him, despite the fact he was a great kid and very little bother.

He gets enough housing benefit to rent a room in a shared house. I believe SIL had to give a statement to the housing office confirming that BIL was no longer permitted to live in the family home and there were no relatives nearby with space to house him. I think they had to appeal, but they got the benefit after a couple of weeks. We were unable to take him on as we live 2 hours away and BIL didn't want to leave his apprenticeship to move away from the area.

I hope everything works out ok for this lad. I hate how families can be in these situations.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now