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am i doing the right thing?

(5 Posts)
chocolatecakeystuff Fri 18-Jan-13 14:03:45

Sorry to drip feed, but don't really know where to start.

I had dd at 17, and have bought her up on my own from there, I contemplated having a termination but couldn't bring myself to go through with it. Dd was a lovely healthy happy child untill aged 5 when I noticed she wasn't walking as well as the other children .

Nearly 4 years later she's wheel chair bound, ith slurred speech, hearing, sight impairments. Unable to feed herself etc etc, she was diagnosed with 'something genetic' which is causing her cerebellum to degenerate & will get progressivly worse.

The doctors can't find the exact gene that's caused this, but have said the chances are high if I have any more children they'd have the same condition.

So I had that disgusting tummy bug at the end of november & have just found out my pill failed & I'm 7 weeks pregnant.

I'm booked in for a consultation re a termination Monday. I know its the right thing to do in so many ways, but I just don't know if I can do it. To to it all off my partner is being an arse about it, and point blank refuses to talk to me about it, or come to the appointment.

Is this something that's going to tear me apart the rest if my life? Or will it get easier? I know I've got to do this,but I really don't want too.

SPBInDisguise Fri 18-Jan-13 14:08:27

Oh you poor poor thing and your poor daughter. Fwiw I think you should terminate if you feel you need to (NOT the same as saying you should have terminated your previous pregnancy). What's wrong with your partner? Does he want tk keep the baby?

Battlefront Fri 18-Jan-13 14:12:31

Have you spoken to doctors about this pregnancy specifically? Please do, just because there is high probability, doesn't mean this baby is affected? Does it have a different father?

Is your partner being an arse about the pregnancy generally or because he doesn't want to terminate? I hope the latter, although obviously not OK, perhaps more understandable, it must be very difficult for you both.

Please talk to your GP at the very least, before you go to the appointment on Monday. There's no rush, you have more time to think if you want it. Try and get DP to come too, that way he'll have a better understanding of the whole situation. I'm no expert, but I would have thought that now you are pregnant, there are tests/scans that can be done, now or soon, to establish whether this baby is affected.

Very best wishes to you

chocolatecakeystuff Fri 18-Jan-13 14:31:00

I've spoken to dd's neuro about it over the phone, unfortunatly its not something they will be able to test for seeing as they don't know the exact exact genetic abnormality with dd. Dd's dad (not my current partner) has gone on to have another child who shows no sign of the condition. Which indicated I carry the faulty gene. As her condition wasn't onset at birthday even scans wouldn't be able to determine if this baby would be ok, andwould probably be subject to the same tests dd had to go through which are painfull & invasive. I don't think its fair to put someone through that.
I think dp is just burrying his head in the sand and doesn't want to face this. He's always been a bit like that, even when he just thinks ill be upset about something he hides away untill its all blown over.
Neither of us really wanted any more children, but I guess that was before I fell pregnant.

Battlefront Fri 18-Jan-13 14:38:03

I thought most genetic problems had to be carried by both parents? Forgive me if I'm wrong, but couldn't it be that both you and ExDP carry the faulty gene, but DP's new partner doesn't? If it was as straight forward as having the gene = having the disability, wouldn't you have all the same problems DD has?

Either way, I think you and DP both need some proper advice and/or counselling from someone with specific knowledge about inherited conditions, rather than general abortion counselling IYSWIM. Phone your GP and see if he can arrange anything?

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