First I must apologise for the long post but as I am trying to get some help, I prefer to give the full background... So here you go...
The issue:
After our 3rd child (twin second time round) my wife told me to get sterilised if I wanted to have sex... That the procedure was simple and that all of her husband friend had it done... Each time another of her husband's friend went through it. I was reminded that they had it done and that I should speak to them as really, this is not a big deal...
The background:
- 3 kids by IVF as she has blocked tubes
- My Mrs is early / mid 40
- I am late 30..
- We have been together for 16 years.
- 9 years before our 1st child.
My thinking:
- That the probability is low already to have children due to the treatment required to have them....
- Due to her age -no offence to anybody- the pre-memopause / menopause might just be round the corner... (I just have to be patient... :))
- Probability to be pregnant past 40 is getting lower on any case...
- 6 months Clomid  treatment which failed might have depleted her egg stock quite a bit...
Surely the probability for her to be pregnant compounded with the low sex frequency (once every 3 years), does not require me to have a vasectomy?? Or am I still unreasonable?
My proposal to her:
- lets go through a pack of 6 not 12, 6 condoms and when this is done I will go through the surgery...
Her answer:
- She does not like condoms and does not want them... Therefore I should get the snip and this is what everybody do...
When she mentioned again to me that I should get sterilised I told her again about the condoms and that maybe we should have sex a bit for a while (6 times) then once the box is gone, I go for the snip... Â
She then broke into tears asking me how could I and how dare I saying that the lack of intimacy was due to her and that if I loved her I should know how much heartache it would take her to terminate an unwelcome pregnancy considering all what it took to get our children at the first place... She then left the room, went to the bedroom to cry for the rest of the evening...
So where are we on this?
3 years so far with no sex... Well not really, she gave me a hand job 18 months ago and 4 months ago we nearly had a full blown sex only to be pushed away mid course and was asked to finish myself... Â No full sex since 2009...
Where does that leave me?
- Believing that I am the a##e h##e that I am told I am... For thinking ill things of her...
- I have no friend or family near by to talk to... Well I cannot even phone to them as I always end up paying some silence treatment / cold shoulder if I do... So I don't bother calling them anymore and now they won't call me since I am far away ie 1000 of miles...
- Each time I try to go out with colleagues, which usually happen once or twice a year it is gone with her... However when I am back I  am selfish and usually the following day, if I had a few drinks the night before, I cannot have a lie in and need to continue to look after the kids full on as I always do at weekends...
I look well after my children they are everything to me... All my money goes to the house, my kids and my wife (who doesn't work)...
Home fell like walking on constant egg shell, I never seem to do anything right or it is not good enough...Â
But despite all this, I have family values and therefore stick with it... For better or for worst was the sentence...
 I would like intimacy with my wife not only sex but a cuddle would be nice, the lack of it is killing me and maybe if I go through the Op everything will be better? Lately I was also told that I was fat and should take pride in my appearance as without it there is no chance for sex... I am 5'8 and 12 stones 9...
Well this is the crunch, my left brain is telling me STOP don't do it, all this is not right. She would have fully controlled my body by 'forcing' me to do something, which I might regret...Â
Furthermore would I regain intimacy with her once I am sterilised? She surely will always find another excuse for not having sex as something might not be right again with her...
 I am facing large medical bill and I had to remortgage to pay for them...Â
We are consultant hopping at the moment... None of them are good enough to find what she has, the reason for her breathing problems... For her back pain... For her ankle swelling... Etc etc etc...
What do you think? Have I really lost the plot and am I such the twisted and bitter bast#rd that I am led to believe I am? Or should I go through the op and be a man, like all of her husband friend, who seem so perfect, to regain intimacy with my wife?