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Being left out of a will, feeling blue and confused

(251 Posts)
Newbizmum Tue 24-Jul-12 01:18:17

Our mother died some months ago and it appears there was a change to the will a couple of months before she died, leaving around 98% of the estate (£300k) to my brother and his child with my children and I receiving just a few thousand. Previously the wills of both our parents and then my mother left it 50/50 to my brother and me.

I'll be honest and say that since the somewhat unexpected death of our mother, there have been occasions when the mind has wandered down the road of thinking what we would do with any inheritance. I certainly have not been mentally allocating it for things but rather like a daydream about how you would spend a reasonable but not jackpot lottery win, things like private schooling, perhaps a larger house and so forth.

My brother was initially very communicative but then changed and now doesn't want to discuss it, simply pointing me in the direction of the solicitors. I obtained a copy of the will only after searching the Probate Registry as neither he nor the solicitor would give me a copy.

It had always been an equal split, even before any wills were written but I didn't really consider what would happen because I enjoyed my parents being alive. Reading the will the other day made me feel sick, like I have not felt since I cannot remember when. I feel somehow less loved, second rate, if that makes sense ?

Aside from the mismatch, it worries me that this change, via a codicil, is full of typing errors, spelling and grammatical mistakes and is simply printed on blank A4 paper. All the other wills and codicils were written by the solicitor.

Perhaps because I feel this way I have come to thinking that perhaps this codicil is not real or worse, has been concocted. It appears signed with a reasonable signature (not the clearest photocopy) but the witnesses were just people down the street. I do not even know if this was ever given over to the solicitor but I somehow doubt it as there is no sign of a receipt stamp, which it would surely have.

Do I feel cheated ? yes, in a way. I didn't think this situation would arise for at least another decade but I also always assumed everything was as it had been discussed.

I can't think how the family could be mended after this. If my brother takes it all then it will leave a bitter pill and yes, some pangs of jealousy, which I know to be bad but I can't deny it. I certainly don't feel like going cap in hand. Yet if the feelings surrounding this strange codicil do not diminish, am I prepared to take it further and ask my own solicitor to investigate ? I simply do not know.

I think I could have taken it, albeit it with a little disappointment, if my mother had said she wanted to leave everything to my brother but this seems totally out of character. Even sidestepping the inheritance percentages, I "know" my mother would not make up this codicil at home, she was far too particular to leave anything like that to chance and I cannot envisage her signing something so full of errors, she being a school teacher after all. She certainly could not have made it herself as she didn't know how to type and didn't have a computer or printer.

Sorry for the long post but I don't really know where to turn as my brother has seemingly cut me out of his life. Yet if it has been done without my mother's knowledge or intention, the repercussions would be terrible.

How do I get over this and get back to feeling how I did before ?

Aridane Sat 10-Nov-18 22:49:04

At least you tried

flowers

gigglepig99 Thu 08-Nov-18 11:42:55

I'm so sorry to hear of what you went through. How frustrating. I really hope you get some love and happiness come your way - this was a horrible episode but hopefully it can be just that an episode. Its not easy to let these things go - i'm going through something similar (on a much more minor scale) and patronizing people keep telling me to 'let it go' or get revenge through 'write a best seller making them a villain' (I'm not a writer). I'd prefer revenge through a hiring a gangster to break their legs. But that is apparently not sensible. You did nothing wrong, you did the best you could with the advice available to you. And you didn't compound the problem by throwing good money after bad. I hope your cousin received a good dividend for their statements (thirty pieces of silver at least). Here's hoping you meet somebody lovely who will stick by you thick and thin as you would them.

PinkFluffyFairy Sat 13-Oct-18 19:53:14

What a sad ending.

Be strong op.

Charolais Fri 31-Aug-18 20:36:36

It’s a really awful thing that money means more to them than we do.

Charolais Fri 31-Aug-18 20:35:13

Now you know. It may not have been proven in a court of law, but you still know and we all believe you. So the money hasn't been wasted, your journey has proven to you that your mother loved you and that your brother is a dick.

Well said.

Like many other people I am going through something similar. I decided not to fight because I’m too far away and my health is poor, but I have a lovely life. My sister might have got herself a lot of money but she lost her only sibling because of it.

happylittlevegemites Thu 30-Aug-18 21:23:06

Oh I am sorry to hear things have ended badly.

However. You started this thread because you were feeling confused. You didn't understand why your mother had left you out of the will and you didn't understand your brothers change in behaviour.

Now you know. It may not have been proven in a court of law, but you still know and we all believe you. So the money hasn't been wasted, your journey has proven to you that your mother loved you and that your brother is a dick.

Kaznet Thu 30-Aug-18 13:15:54

This thread shows just how awful people can be when money is involved.
I think you did the right thing trying to fight this injustice, there's no way you could of known it would turn out this way.
I understand how you feel eaten up by this.
I hope you are able to put it behind you and move on as best you can. I know that's easier said than done.
I hope some positive things are coming your way, search them out.

ThePartingLass Wed 29-Aug-18 21:31:00

@Newbizmum
I remember your thread and have wondered over the years how things turned out. I'm so sorry it ended this way, I was hoping that no news was good news.

You sound truly broken but I for one think you did the right thing at the time. Your brother did a terrible thing and you fought that with true courage and dedication. I'm just so sorry he didn't get his comeuppance and that the whole process caused such damage to your well-being.

Stay strong, and in terms of your lost love I'm so very sorry. I believe that peace and happiness will come your way in the future even if it doesn't feel like that now.

churchmouse84 Wed 29-Aug-18 21:29:12

Oh that's rough. We went through a similar thing.

We were lucky as it was all provable and solicitor agrees to do it on a no win no fee.

However the other person kept stalling, missing court dates etc.

Eventually he settled but of the £120,000 he handed over, the solicitors took £100,000.

It was not a good time.

Newbizmum Wed 29-Aug-18 03:43:17

The upshot after all these years is that there is no resolution and unless I wanted to risk or spend £250k to chase what was left of half of £300k then we reached an end. I don't have that sort of money.

Of course, if I won the lottery I'd use the money to destroy all those who benefited from this fraud but that's about a 100m to 1 chance I reckon smile

In the end, we had the best forensic experts in the UK say that the codicil was quite possibly altered to insert detail onto a blank page by means of passing it through a printer and all looked positive.

However, who rolls up but a recently divorced cousin, down on their luck, who "magically" remembers going to see my mother only a week or so before she died where "magically" this codicil was the sole topic of conversation, despite it not affecting them one iota.

Fast forward to them making a sworn statement and all of a sudden, lawyers and courts forget that people can be economical with the truth when their economic situation is suddenly improved and we were pretty much shut down at that point as I failed to "magic" up a distant relative who had their own private meeting with my mother "on her deathbed" where the fraud was exposed smile

I have aged. I am lost in some respects and in others I am broken.

It truly seems that even without a bent solicitor, the first one with any "proof" of a will gets first dibs even if there is obvious irregularity and the state simply rubber stamps it because 99.99% of the time there is nothing amiss.

So if you want to defraud others who might share in any inheritance, just write a codicil which says that you are the only person to deal with everything and that you get it all and that no-one else is even to be told about the death and so forth.

You'll be fine because when they have, as I did, exhausted around £30/50k plus on solicitors and are at the point of having to put their case to a court, they will be left with a stark choice that proceeding can cost £50,000 per day and £250,000 is what you need to budget.

We never knew this nor were we so advised. Had we been, it would have been far simpler to write to the other side and ask them for say £25k which is perhaps what they spent on their solicitors. That way I would have been around £60k to £80k better off than today and it could have been concluded in minutes rather than years.

To cap it all, I fell in love in 2016 and made plans for the future in May 2017 but I got distracted and was self absorbed in what I was doing, thinking it was for the best. Before I knew it, I lost that love and as of May this year, they are married to someone else.

That brought everything into perspective. I am heartbroken and absorbed in self pity at times as I curse myself for not realising what was right in front of me was so very much more important than anything else.

I don't want comfort. I want to hurt. But if you learn anything from this final post, don't make the mistakes I did, don't risk it all for some monetary gain, don't lose sight of what is truly important and if there is someone there for you, someone you love and need and desire, someone you cannot live without, then grab hold with both hands and never let them go.

Sueloulaw Thu 22-Mar-18 23:02:55

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WelshMoth Mon 08-Jan-18 21:21:46

This thread just popped into my watch list despite never seeing it before - bizarre!

notsodimwit Mon 08-Jan-18 03:42:01

Any updates OP?

Sontagsleere Thu 05-Oct-17 11:34:43

OP how did you ever get on with this? I hope I am not dragging up something you’ve put behind you. I have visions of it going to the steps of courts then your brother finally settles as he realizes his lawyers were right all along to advise him to settle! I can’t think he thought he’d have a chance of success. In any event I do hope you got a resolution to such a stressful few years.

3luckystars Sun 25-Sep-16 14:40:00

Fascinating thread.

Wibblywobblyfoo Mon 12-Sep-16 19:54:01

new
Did this reach a resolution?

BoboBunnyH0p Tue 29-Mar-16 09:03:13

Late to the post, but this is awful I hope OP got the outcome they wanted.

NeuNewNouveau Sun 28-Feb-16 00:30:23

Any update OP? Hope it is resolving well.

HexBramble Tue 27-Oct-15 07:47:15

your, not you're

HexBramble Tue 27-Oct-15 07:45:51

OP I hope you're well. I was linked to your thread by another MN'er - I am making initial enquiries (or trying to) about what may now be 2 wills that have been altered after death by a relative of mine. It's very, very frightening that this can happen.

I hope you're battle is coming to some sort of conclusion. It must have taken quite an emotional and financial toll on you. Despicable really, since you are only seeking truth and honesty.

I am curious though about your Brother and his Wife. Have they had any communications with you throughout this ordeal?

howtorebuild Sat 17-Oct-15 21:45:15

Oh, I wanted to hear this Man was exposed.

ChopsticksandChilliCrab Sat 17-Oct-15 21:15:00

I was hoping for news too sad

notapizzaeater Sat 17-Oct-15 21:01:09

Oh I thought it had news too :-(.

cuntycowfacemonkey Sat 17-Oct-15 20:56:26

Oh that's a shame was hoping there was an update

countrygal1 Sat 17-Oct-15 20:54:18

Just to clarify - my previous message was supposed to be to SallyK66 about parents not wanting photos taken at a Hallowe'en event.

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