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you looked after someone during their final years, are you then entitled to more of their inheritance?

(71 Posts)
jollyaround Fri 13-Jul-12 16:35:09

namechanger here. This is doing my head in, and strikes as just not right.

any opinions will be really welcome - have tried to be as objective as possible...

4 siblings. 1 elderly mother.

Sibling1: Single, self employed, grown-up children, lives close to M. Organises employment of carers for elderly mother's (with dementia) during last few years of M's life. The care is paid for by M's capital. Quite alot of admin and hands-on stuff done by Sib1. Sib1 also encouraged by other sibs to pay himself out of M's funds for time spent on these affairs.

Sibliing 2: Single, no children, private income plus very hands-on full-time job. Lives close to M. Provides much support to Sib1 & M, occasionally in person.

Sibling 3: Married, very young children, full time, high level, well-paid job. Does not live close to M but does as much as possible, when needed.

Sibling 4: Married, dependent children, full time job. Lives 3 hour flight away from M. Contributes to M's care through research/advice/phone and email contact. Visits as often as possible.

M has now died. There is a small inheritance £100k. The will leaves inheritance equally to all 4.

One sibling has suggested that 75% of inheritance be passed to sib1 in recognition of sib1's work and possible loss of "potential" income during the 4 or so years of M's illness.

With the other 3 sharing the remaining 25%.

My gut feeling is wrong wrong wrong but I can't work out why I think so.


Jemma1111 Fri 13-Jul-12 16:38:07

All 4 children should inherit equally in my opinion

FallenCaryatid Fri 13-Jul-12 16:38:28

M wanted the money split equally, so that's what should happen.
After that, it should be up to the individuals to decide what they do.

yousankmybattleship Fri 13-Jul-12 16:38:44

None of you is "entitled" to anything. It was your Mum's money. I assume she would have wanted it split evenly...? I think you are on very dodgy ground if you start trying to work out who is more or less deserving. I would defo want ti split four ways (even if I was sibling 1).

Dropdeadfred Fri 13-Jul-12 16:40:38

Divide equally unless the mother said differently.

ANTagony Fri 13-Jul-12 16:40:51

It isn't for the siblings to divide law in Uk, if no will would be four ways. If one sibling wants to give majority of their share then fine but they can't give the others shares. However out of pocket expenses of sibling 1 should be taken from estate before its divided.

Are you one of the siblings?

dillnameddog Fri 13-Jul-12 16:41:34

I would split it equally, and if any sibling wants to give up their share to sib1 in recognition of their efforts then that is lovely. But they shouldn't make the decision for everyone, nor should sib1 expect to be repaid for their very lovely efforts.

It is possible that sib1 had a lot more support from the mother before she got ill too.

Dropdeadfred Fri 13-Jul-12 16:41:45

And since when was £100k a small inheritance???

Pascha Fri 13-Jul-12 16:42:46

The inheritance should be divided according to what M requested, or if she died intestate then in accordance with the law of the country. If any siblings do or don't wish to donate their share to Sib1 afterwards that is entirely up to them.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Fri 13-Jul-12 16:44:30

I would split equally, looks like you have all done what you can to help out.

If sibs 2,3,4 had done bugger all, and not visited mum for the last 20 years then maybe morally sib1 should get more.

Which sib are you ((nosy))

ICutMyFootOnOccamsRazor Fri 13-Jul-12 16:45:48

Should be split as the mother intended, imo. Those were her wishes.

And one definitely shouldn't look after a parent with the expectation or hope that there may be something in it after they die.

As ANTagony said, if one sibling wants to give up their share to sib 1, then they are free to do so, but what the other siblings do is up to them.

StealthPolarBear Fri 13-Jul-12 16:46:29

No. Mother's wishes are what counts surely

Secret7 Fri 13-Jul-12 16:46:31

Shared equally according to M wishes.

Which sibling are you?

BackforGood Fri 13-Jul-12 16:46:42

The Mum's wishes should be abided by. That's why she went to the trouble of leaving a will.

lopsided Fri 13-Jul-12 16:47:37

Tricky, in my own family it was split equally between 2 (one carer, one not). I think that the carer should have received more (the total was a lot less than you are talking about though, I think it was about 15k). It is very difficult though, 100k inheritance would be thought of my many as a lot of money.

StarryCole Fri 13-Jul-12 16:49:06

I've just done my wills. The drafting of wills make it explicit who inheritance what. You should all honour and inherit your mother's wishes as it has been described in her will.

Once received - how you then each choose to spend your inheritance is down to you. If you're happy to hand it over to another sibling then fine. If not, then don't.

Two different issues IMO/

PheasantPlucker Fri 13-Jul-12 16:50:02

My opinion: It should be given as set out in the will by the person who is leaving the money.

If one of the siblings then decides to give his/her share to someone else having inherited it, then it is up to them to do so. It is then their money to spend as they please.

(I always hate the word 'entitled' - sorry!)

sherbetpips Fri 13-Jul-12 16:50:12

split equally - it was her wishes not yours. Plus its not as if the rest of you did bugger all.
Have threatened my parents several times not to split our inheritence unfairly. They feel my brothers and sisters have more money so dont need as much - I do not want to have to deal with that on top of them dying!

StarryCole Fri 13-Jul-12 16:50:13

Otherwise it completely negates the point of wills (and they are law abiding). If my children were not honouring my will I'd be very upset by this.

Doyouthinktheysaurus Fri 13-Jul-12 16:50:22

Equally split. Anything else would foster resentment and is not really fair.

You do what you can for family because you care for them, not for what you get or don't get when they are gone.

Dh, I and his dbro and SIL did a lot more than their dsis to support his dad during his final years. As far as I'm concerned dsis has to live with the fact that she was a selfish cow didn't visit often, the guilt will catch up with her one day I'm sure. The money was split evenly and really, anything else would have destroyed the family.

It's not worth it.

nosleepwithworry Fri 13-Jul-12 16:51:04

Agree, if the one suggesting the unequal split wants to give their share to sib 1 then let them. Should not make that decsion for all though.

Can i just say that it sounds like a wonderfully supportive and loving family.
This must bring you such comfort because its really tough doing it alone knowing that other members of the family could help out but wont.

Warms the cockles of my heart x

lambethlil Fri 13-Jul-12 16:51:47

Follow the will.

BTW I think you are Sibling 3 and it is Sibling 4 who has suggested the change.

I am right?

BalloonSlayer Fri 13-Jul-12 16:51:59

The will is the will. The executor's role is to distribute the estate according to the terms of the will.

If the executor does not do this, then they are not carrying out their role properly. It's quite a serious matter actually.

kilmuir Fri 13-Jul-12 16:54:15

Blimey, they are the children, do they need rewarding for caring for a parent?
I agree with taking any expenses sibling 1 may have incurred before dividibg up any inheritance.
Whatdoes the parent want to happen ?

jollyaround Fri 13-Jul-12 16:56:31

wow, thanks for comments

will post later when read them!

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