Bullying at work

[hotCheeseBURNS]

My dp is being badly bullied at work by his manager and I was wondering if anyone could help us with advice or similar experiences?

He works in catering as a head chef and his manager is a horrible, insecure, miserable man who takes great pleasure in other people's suffering. He turns on the charm when his superiors are around (which isn't too often) but spends most of his time bitching and whining about members of staff behind their backs. As my dp never wanted to join in with the slagging sessions and stayed out of them and is in a fairly senior position he became victim number one.

He is now in the position where the manager and his cronies are continually complaining about his work and talking about him behind his back. The manager actively tries to sabotage his work, for example when he thought my dp had forgotten to order something he said to another member of staff "he's forgotten to order the [whatever], I'm not going to remind him though, he's going to get into trouble". When one of the junior members of staff complained to the manager about having too high workload the manager encouraged him to write to a more senior manager and complain about dp without even mentioning the issue to dp.

I'm getting so frustrated with the situation, my dp is regularly coming home from work distressed and miserable and there's nothing we can do about it. Other staff have complained about this manager and even left the company because of him but nothing ever gets done about him.

I told my dp to start keeping a diary of all events that he will be able to use in order to make a proper complaint of bullying to the company but he just says there's no point because he can't prove anything. I'm so angry because his company has loads of "best 100 places to work" type awards! They must have a proper procedure to deal with bullying. But this manager has charmed his superiors so they believe what he says and terrified his juniors into submission so that my dp feels that no one will support him or believe him.

I'm just so so angry about this whole mess! It shouldn't be allowed! Sorry for the long and rambling message... We just really need some support!

[1footinfront]

Does he have a phone that he can have on record in his pocket? My iphone does this as does a cheapie MP3 player that Ive got. The mp3 player is smaller than a cigarette lighter...

He should definitely keep a diary. Is he in a trade union? How long has he been working there?

Love from 1foot x

[foureleven]

First of all I really feel for you. There is nothing worse than having someone you care about go through something like this.

However, it does sound like he needs some support at work if he is making mistakes with ordering things and not getting work done. In my experience Restaurant managers have EXTREMELY high standards and are usually people who love catering/hospitality etc and are very good at it but arent necessarily the best managers... Is there someone more senior that your DP could go to for help planning his work etc so he can sort out any problems that may be irratating the others?

[hotCheeseBURNS]

Thanks for the messages. He's been there for about three years and he's not in a trade union I don't think.

Foureleven - He hadn't forgotten, his manager just thought he had! And it's not a restaurant so it's not a high pressure kitchen. This manager does not have high standards!

[oprahfan]

Hello HCB

I am a chef, and have worked in a huge oil company, had a total arse of a manager. Check out bullyonline by tim field, excellent advice, gives many ideas on how to tackle these lunatics. One day, this manager will be found out, but it takes a lot of guts and heartache to sort these nasty sods out, no wonder lots of others have left. They took the easy option and didn't want the fight,so this guy goes onto his next victim. It's a shame that we can't stick this guy's head in the dishwasher...it's nice to dream, though!

I suspect your other half is very good at his job, and really shows this guy up.

This manager is manipulating others, and they will go along with what this guy says, they don't want to be targeted. This manager probably can't do his job properly, he'll have zero respect from anyone. The idea of the recording by phone is reasonable, though in a legal situation,should things go a lot further, is questionable, go ahead and do it anyway!!!!!

It is a very miserable situation to be in, be strong, get some good people in around you both. Wish working life could be better, it's hard enough as it is without these idiots around.
Keep us posted xx

[hotCheeseBURNS]

We've come up with a set of actions for dp...

1. Keep his head down and work hard, which he does anyway of course, to try not to give them any ammunition, although they'll find something to moan about at least it'll be the standard ridiculous hypocritical stuff rather than anything solid.

1. Look for another job, whether within the company at another site or somewhere new entirely. This feels a bit hopeless because dp has seen his manager give malicious bad references before.

1. Keep a diary of all events. He may never use it but if his manager does succeed in his mission to get him disciplined and fired at least he'll have it as evidence to present in his defence. And if number 2 works, dp can pass it on to the big bosses along with a formal complaint against the manager and resignation.

1. Contact the company occupational health nurse, if they have one, and the catering trade union, if there is one, for support and advice.

And now 5. Read "bullyonline by tim field" - thanks oprahfan!

The worst thing for me in this is the feeling of helplessness, hopefully doing these things will help dp take control of his situation and improve it. Any further advice would be much appreciated. Thanks 1footinfront and oprahfan.