Work Politics arrggghhhhhh

[Dillie]

(posted this under this forum too under advice )

I am totally stuck on how to deal with this, so any suggestions are welcome! Not really sure if this is the right forum either!!

Last September my colleague met a guy who she has fallen for totally head over heals. Looking back, this was when she changed totally. She is a single parent to a teenager and has been on her own for around 10 years or so. At first I was so happy for her, but now I am wondering if he is actually any good for her. He works away all week and then at the weekend pisses his earnings away in the pub from Friday night, through to sunday mostly. Occasionally she has come in a little pie-eyed, if thats the right expression to use! Her head is elsewhere and shares the most intimate of things around the office. I am no prude, but really dont want to know how/when etc! She told me today that he was moving in and having his house repo'd so he didnt have to pay for the outstanding money on his mortgage.

My colleague and friend has recently been given a disciplinary for missing a very important deadline, plus a couple of other things too. Her workload is huge and she hasnt been that well, no excuse I know, but she didnt ask for help so this deadline past.

Now it seems she just doesnt care anymore and she keeps saying to me "when they get rid of me blah blah" Its almost as if she wants to get the sack iyswim

She thinks the MD and line manager has it in for her which is nonsense, but cant get her to see it! I think they are more hurt that she didnt go to them and say she was stuggling with her work load.

We work in a small company with 6 office staff, so we all tend to muck in together and usually get on well. The work load has been huge and it shows no sign of slowing down, which is imo a good thing given the state of the country at the mo.

Now yesterday morning the line manager said to me sit down I need to chat. At first I wondered if I did sommat, but it turned out that he wanted to know how my colleague was getting on, and to inform me of whats going on. There is some work re-adjustment going on with work loads being allocated.

It is not the first time that he has talked to me about her, I guess he knows that she is my mate so I get on well with her. The chat was all off the record but it made me feel very very awkward. He asked me to keep an eye on her and tell him if anything "develops" from the disciplinary.

My colleague is a very proud lady, and will not admit fault, rightly or wrongly. But recently it feels like she doesnt care anymore. She used to eat, breathe, and sleep the company, but now its almost as if she wants the sack! confused

She has also made it very clear to everyone, and i mean everyone, that she had a disciplinary and that she feels that she has been hard done by.

They have taken about 30% of her work away to help her under the restructure, so maybe its this that she thinks they are going to get shot of her.

Now I am caught up in the middle, and I have told both my colleague and my line manager that I really dont want to get involved, but I really feel very awkward and under some pressure from both sides.

On one hand, I dont want my colleague to leave and/or get the sack, but on another for the company maybe its the best thing!

I am a lousy lier so if my boss asks me any questions then I will have to answer them. But I feel like I am going behind my colleagues back too!!

Also this chap she is with, just rings too many alarm bells, and if he hurts her, then it will be muggins that picks up the pieces!

How can I get out of this? TBH I really feel like taking a sicky until its all blown over! Maybe I am being too sensitive!! I will more than likely just sit at my desk and quietly hope that nothing is said/asked!

Sorry for such a long/hap-hazard post, but this is going to keep me awake if I dont put something down lol!!

[flowerybeanbag]

You need to be firm with your line manager. You have said already that you don't want to get involved, but you must stand firm on that and not answer questions if asked.

It sounds as though they are handling things as best they can, and are asking you about your friend with good intentions, but it's not on.

I would suggest you ask for a meeting with your line manager. Say that you understand they are having to deal with various problems with regard to your colleague, and are trying to do so in the best way possible but you feel very much stuck in the middle. Say you think them asking you questions about your colleague, even off the record, is putting you in a very difficult position and you are asking them please not to do so in future.

You can say all that very politely in a not-having-a-go way, but firmly. Then if anyone tries to ask you things again, you should just remind them of that conversation, say you are not comfortable discussing your colleague and don't feel it's appropriate to answer their questions.

In terms of your colleague, it's very difficult and frustrating when you see someone getting themselves into a situation where work and personal life are both getting tricky. But all you can do really is express your concern for your colleague, ask if there's anything you can do to help, say you are there for her if she wants to talk and then yes you may well have to pick up the pieces when it goes pearshaped. But there's very little else you can do at the moment without her thinking you are trying to interfere and resenting you as a result.