Feeling like I'm being watched and trying to be caught out by my boss. It's making me feel so hunted I'm at my wits end.

[Time2Hibernate]

Maybe it's just me, but I've always given my all at work, before and since having children. I know it's tough out there to keep jobs,so I'm very grateful to have mine and not only do I love my work, I really believe in what I do and give my honest best all the time.

I've been given some fairly tricky issues to deal with recently, with promise of two people on the project. This fizzled. Left on my own to do, which I did. I worked my fingers to the bone to meet the targets and did so. But all the time, felt really out in the cold from my team leader.

I'm a bit terrified of saying too much on here but suffice to say, having so much on my plate, and out of the office so much, I missed an appointment that wasn't in my agenda and now I'm 'shark bait' as I've had a message telling me 'we will talk'. I'm so terrified I'm going to be fired (at worst) and more likely that I've played right into the leader's hands. My life will be hell.

I can't sleep - I'm feeling so scared I'm having horrendous palpitations. I have never felt persecuted before but it's feeling like it.

How do I handle it?

I have apologised for the missed appointment as it was a genuine oversight. I have no previous history of ever missing targets etc.

[marmitetoastie]

Hi,

You need to start keeping a diary of whats happening and has happened incase of dismissal. If you have worked a project that was designated as a job for three people, missing one appt is not unreasonable. Constructive dismissal is illegal. Look online at Citizens Advice (link below) and make an appt with them when you need help.

1. A link to Citizens Advice online employment info.

www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/your_money/employment/dismissal.htm

1. An ACAS leaflet on harrassment or bullying at work.

www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=797

[WingedVictory]

Calm down. You can't be fired for missing an appointment, as it would have to be a serious offence for that kind of summary dismissal.

marmitetoastie is very right in stressing keeping a diary; that is essential.

Also, are you a union member? If not, do think about it. I got a lot of benefit out of being a member, not only when I was made redundant, but also in making friends and allies among my colleagues (you mentioned feeling isolated). If there is no union at your work, it's still important to replicate some of the support by talking to your colleagues. After all, the team leader may be doing the same to others. Even if others are unaffected, they may have noticed anyway, and if you signal that you need help, they may be more willing to intervene. A team leader has to take account of broader based resistance to his/her "management" "style" hahaha

Good luck, and get working on that diary.

[epithet]

Definitely join the union & keep a diary, as other posters have said.

I was in this position before, with the added complication of the team leader shagging the ultimate boss, so no kind of complaint was possible. Luckily for me, the ultimate boss was sacked for bullying and she made a shamefaced sideways move after that, so the problem was solved.

I absolutely relate to what you've said about palpitations and sleeplessness though - it was horrendous. If I was to give my past self advice, it would be to just be calm, level-headed and keep a sense of perspective at all times. Do you have friends at work? Is anyone else going through something similar? (It was a source of strength to me at the time to know that I was not alone.)

[Time2Hibernate]

Thank you. What do you include in the diary aprt from the obvious, dates / times / situation. Would you include how you felt? Witnessed by? And would you consider using a recording device at meetings? (someone mentioned that to me, I'm not sure if that's permissible??)

[WingedVictory]

Witnesses would be a good note to add (better to have too much information than too little), but as far as I remember from discussing the recording matter with my old boss (who had people gunning for him), recordings are inadmissible unless everyone is warned that a recording is being taken. Therefore, it was useless for us to try to record the sexist and twattish "banter" going on in our office. However, as far as I understand, recordings are all right if they are used to help you make a verbatim record of a meeting.

Again, I can't stress enough that joining a union will help with all these matters. If there is no union recognised at your work, go to HR and say you want to put it on record that you are concerned about this situation: extra work, no extra help, help withdrawn at last minute, etc. You are "concerned that a constructive dismissal situation is shaping up". If you put it on record, HR will be obliged to help, and, despite their legal obligation, will also be keen to avoid potential for claims later (which they would be involved in if they had done nothing).

If you are called to a meeting before you can arrange any of this: (1) take a notebook and say, "Do you mind if I make notes" before anything is said; (2) have someone with you if possible. If it goes sour quickly (volley of abuse, threats, "I'm disappointed", blah blah bastard...), stop the meeting immediately and say: "I'm sorry, I'm going to have to ask you to stop there, as it is not appropriate for you to spring this on me. I would like a witness for this." If you don't feel confident to do this (e.g. can't find/guarantee a witness, because the HR wasters aren't at work,), for God's sake DON'T SAY ANYTHING. Don't respond. Take notes and look serious, and then say, well, I will take this away and come back to you on these matters. [rage/sarcastic remarks from boss].... Well, I'm sorry that you want a response right now, but it is not appropriate for you to make such accusations, which I am not prepared to answer immediately. Let me look over my notes and I will contact you to set up another meeting soon." Keep repeating this last bit, while packing your stuff away, then leave the room. No matter what he says or threatens, don't say anything else than that above. Any threats or rudeness, add it to your notes. Then run straight to HR, your union rep, a work friend or the loo (for space to sort yourself out). Don't say a THING to him until you have a chance to speak to someone. Come on mumsnet again or CAT me with an update.

[WingedVictory]

Also have a look at this thread for some other advice on this kind of thing, and a link to the ACAS code of conduct. That is a case of a gross misconduct meeting, which obviously would not apply to you, but the principle, of not responding to criticisms without having had a chance to prepare, is very sound.