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AIBU to ask DH to not use me and the DC as an excuse for turning down a career move?

(13 Posts)
MmeGoblindt Sat 24-Oct-09 09:43:59

DH has a meeting tomorrow with the MD of his company. He has dropped hints that he is going to offer him a new job, we assume back in Germany.

We moved to Geneva a year ago, and were supposed to be here for 3 - 5 years.

Aside from the personal side (DC just settled in new school, having struggled all year to learn the language, having to start again to meet new friends etc) there is the worry that on the professional side it would be a bad move.

DH had hoped to move from here to the HQ in America after our stint here is up. His new supervisor is based in the US and has intimated that he is keen for that to happen.

The German office is a subsiduary and quite small. If he moves there then there is the danger that he will be stuck there, with only one chance of promotion, the MD job. The current MD is due to retire in 2 years and until now another guy has always been forecast to get that job.

BIL suggested that DH say that due to personal circumstances, he is not willing to move, putting the "blame" as such on me and the DC not wanting to move so soon. I am not happy with that as for one it is not just me who does not want to move, but also it ignores the career plans that DH has and I think should make clear to the MD.

Should I just shut up and accept that? Or do you think that he should concentrate on explaining his career plans. I feel that it makes him look stronger to say clearly that it is his decision rather than saying he would love to but can't because of his family.

cat64 Sat 24-Oct-09 09:52:47

Message withdrawn

BPiggy Sat 24-Oct-09 09:53:32

I agree with you. Long term he puts himself in a much stronger position if the boss knows what he wants career wise. If he uses his family as an excuse he's saying that he did actually want the job offered but can't accept it at the moment, not what he actually wants for his family.

SCARYspicemonster Sat 24-Oct-09 10:15:24

I think he has to be clear about his ambitions. It's not really about strength or weakness but rather that it doesn't do you any favours careerwise to pretend you don't have the ambitions you do. I don't understand why he wouldn't be honest

bigstripeytiger Sat 24-Oct-09 10:21:18

I agree, he should say what he thinks rather than using family as excuse, IMO it looks far better to give a 'career' reason rather than a family reason, especially as that is the truth.

MmeGoblindt Sat 24-Oct-09 10:23:20

I know that if DH had to make the choice between his career and his family that he would chose us. But I feel that using us as an excuse when his career ambitions are in a different direction is not sensible.

He can show his boss that he has ambitions beyond the job in Germany instead of saying that he would if his wife let him.

TheDevilEatsBabies Sat 24-Oct-09 10:25:44

he has to tell the MD the truth which is that it's a double-sided argument agaisnt going to the Germany office: he has a clear career plan and it is unsettling for his family.

why does he think that he has to cite the family as the reason? is he worried that they might not think he's a team player? he really needs to tell them what his career aspirations are within the company.

MmeGoblindt Sat 24-Oct-09 10:30:24

I don't think that it occurred to him. My BIL suggested it.

Ok, will have another chat. Glad that you agree with me. I was not sure if it was just me being obstinate

singalongamumum Sat 24-Oct-09 10:45:49

I like the idea of saying both- that in order to uproot his family, it would have to be a more interesting/ appropriate/ ambitious career opportunity and this isn't. Not "my wife doesn't want to!!!"

MmeGoblindt Sat 24-Oct-09 11:09:03

that is good. I will suggest that.

Thanks all.

MmeGoblindt Wed 28-Oct-09 19:44:05


he had his chat and it was much ado about (almost) nothing.

His boss wants him to move back to Germany, but has no fixed date when the move should be. Certainly nit before next summer, could well be the year after. In the meantime he wants him to take a Gallop ? Test to determine if he is suitable for promotion.

Thanks for all your advice.

ilovemydogandmrobama Wed 28-Oct-09 19:48:42

Where in US?

MmeGoblindt Wed 28-Oct-09 19:56:27

Nashville, most likely

I am unreasonably excited about the chance to visit the Grand Ole Opry

and isn't Dolly Partons themepark in Tennessee?

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