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Anyone ever have veiled references made to their family situation at work?

(6 Posts)
sincitylover Wed 14-Oct-09 13:30:07

try to be short, have worked in my ft job for ten years, split with exh three years ago. it is slightly more difficult workwise being a lp but exh was not particularly supportive when we were married.

Anyway someone who loosely works with us (not my line manager) has suddenly said(not to me directly) that they don't feel I have been giving enough support to them (I'm not a PA I am a manager)

general theme of work is event organising. it's apparent that they are more wound up about the events.

They are retired work for as consultant and are paid handsomely. The main tenet of their concern is that they have to chase me too much whereas I thought we were just having a dialogue as I do with the many others I work with. Their email was outwardly pleasant but enought veiled stuff to sting a bit.

But the thing that really got to me was them saying they realised my difficult family circumstances. I have never discussed this with them. And have been lp for three years so nothing new there.

I have replied basically saying sorry they felt neglected and am going to delegate this area of my work to the administrator.

Would you be miffed if reference was made to this by someone so disconnected

FWIW I think she thought she was being 'kind'

Have never had a bad review in all the time I worked here in fact our dept is held up as a bastion of good practice.

Drooper Wed 14-Oct-09 21:41:12

I would be more than miffed, I would be quite pissed off.

I think this person is being passive aggressive and it's sooo annoying. Your family situation is irrelevant. If they feel they need more support they should just ask for it directly and not blame you.

Anyway, you handled the situation professionally and I wouldn't give it another thought.

HTH smile

Speckledeggy Thu 15-Oct-09 01:11:14

Ignore it and develop selective hearing when this person makes digs at your personal situation. This is something I have learnt to do to protect myself. It does work and when the person in question doesn't get any sort of response each time they tend to back off.

If they have a serious issue with your work and it is affecting their work they should be professional and raise it with you directly (leaving out the crap about your home life). If they still have a problem, they should raise it with your manager.

Be professional when required but rise above it then if you do have to justify yourself to your boss you can confirm you have dealt with it calmly and professionally and it will make the other person look a bit stupid.

Unfortunately, you cannot really trust anyone at work so always be careful how you tread. It's amazing how many people stick the knife into others when they're backs are turned.

sincitylover Thu 15-Oct-09 14:06:24

Thanks all. I do actually feel very insulted by the whole thing - I put down alot of her requests to being over anxious and she perceives it as having to chase me etc - however I am the one with more knowledge of how to market events. Sort of feel it's an attempt to put me in my place somehow.

I have dealt with difficult people before but they have been fairly absent in this place, so have been lucky.

Speckledeggy Thu 15-Oct-09 20:35:31

I think you have hit the nail on the head there. She may be intimidated by you and is trying to assert some authority by being critical and trying to belittle you. You should actually feel quite sorry for her. This smacks of low self esteem and is not the behaviour of a confident and professional person.

Unfortunately, I've had this twice with colleagues in the past. The second time it transpired that the person in question had applied for my job and not got past the first interview. She was an older lady and was told that she wasn't up to the job and wouldn't be able to cope as it was a very demanding job. No wonder she didn't like me! She never used to know I knew this so whenever she was having a crack at me I would be secretly having a good laugh at her. Knowledge is power and all that!

Speckledeggy Thu 15-Oct-09 20:41:50

Ooh, also meant to say the first one I had a problem with was given the push as she wasn't up to the job either.

After all that abuse, it still brings a smile to my face. What goes around eventually comes around...

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