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I am going back full-time and feel guilty already, any help/advice appreciated.

(11 Posts)
Lovemyshoes Tue 22-Sep-09 13:33:35

I am due to start back soon full time (my dream job, got offered it this week), it will be the first time I have worked full time in 14 years.

BUT, the fact that I won't get home till 6pm somenights is making me feel guilty as it means that I will only have an hour with the dc before they go to bed.

Is it natural to feel like this and do any wise mners have any tips/advice on how to help myself and the children adjust

Lovemyshoes Tue 22-Sep-09 13:58:22


sophiaverloren Tue 22-Sep-09 14:07:24

I've been fulltime for the last 2 years, 4 days a week before that since DS was born (now 4).
I don't get home to pick him up from childcare until 6 3 nights a week. At least twice a week there's a chance I'll get home after bedtime (although this is getting later, I sometimes get to say goodnight). About once a month I'm away overnight.
We manage. I phone to say goodnight if I am not there, and ask about his day. Sometimes I actually find out.
He's an early riser, so we do generally have a few minutes in the morning for a cuddle, chat etc
The biggest tip I have is organisation. If things are prepared the night before then you CAN have that cuddle in the morning. if you know what's for dinner, then you can just get on with it and spend time with the DCs rather than rummaging through cupboards/freezer/making dash to shop.
Oh, and making sure the boring stuff is out of the way so the weekends are more enjoyable. I am rubbish at this and always feel guilty that our time together is spent vacuuming etc.
But in general I don't feel guilty. I enjoy my job and more so than when I was trying to do 4 days. He's happy. We do spend time together and we do have fun together.

AnotherBloodySugaBabe Tue 22-Sep-09 14:19:53

I went back full time earlier this year after 3 years staying at home and a year working freelance a day or two a week.

It has been nowhere near as hard as I thought it would be.

I work 9-5pm, with a little bit of flexibility now and then, but mostly I'm not home until after 6pm. I have a primary school aged child and a baby. Good childcare is key. What arrangement will you have?

I am absolutely loving being back at work and feel like I gain so much from it that the time I do spend with my children is so much more enjoyable. There are days when I miss them and/or they miss me, but we make up for it by having lovely weekends together and some special time together in the evening - playing quite games, reading stories, cuddles etc.

For me, it's been a complete revelation. If Ihad known how much i'd enjoy working full time -and how basically fine it is after the initial settling in period for all - I would have returned earlier!

Good luck!

AnotherBloodySugaBabe Tue 22-Sep-09 14:21:18

quiet not quite

Lovemyshoes Tue 22-Sep-09 14:28:52

At the minute I THINK my hours will be 9-5.30, occasionally working till 8pm.

Unfortunately DH works unusual hours so we are hoping that sil and fil will help out as and when we need them (they did say they would months ago)

Sometimes we would go WEEKS without needing help and then again we could go a couple of weeks with needing 2-3 mayby 4 times a week, so really, I don't think we would be able to get suitable childcare.

AnotherBloodySugaBabe Tue 22-Sep-09 14:31:04

I had this situation over the summer, when I had a series of events to attend abroad anmd was out of the country 2-3 days a week for about 6 weeks. We muddled along - my DH juggled (he is self employed so has some flexibility) and my mum and sister helped out. We have live out nanny who is a Godsend. How old are your children? Could you stretch to a nanny?

Lovemyshoes Tue 22-Sep-09 14:37:36

Nope, unfortunately there is no way we could stretch to a nanny.

Dc are 7 and 10.

HandbagAddiction Tue 22-Sep-09 14:51:43

I have worked full-time since dd1 was 6 months old. She is now 6. At first she was in a nursery and then last year, when she started school, I got a nanny - who then also looks after dd2 (3).

To be honest, the guilt is always there, but the fact is that the children get used to it and so do you. If can have some kind of flexibility then great - so I try t work at home once a fortnight for exmaple so I can do a school run, etc. I also try and do chores etc. during the week, so that the weekends really are all about family stuff.

Organisation is key though and there are some things worth considering. Do get yourself a cleaner. I notice you say you can't stretch to a nanny - fair enough - but a cleaner once a week is a must in my opinion if you're out of the house 5 days a week. Also get shopping delivered, buy stuff online or in bulk. So come autumn when we have most of the birthdays, I will either do a massive online shop or will disappear late night to Toys 'r' us to stock up. Buy cards, wrapping paper in bulk so that you always have stuff to hand...

Cook in bulk if you have freezer space - thiswill help you in the evenings as well as ensuring that you have quick, ready mades meals in the freezer for weekends if you need them...

It will be fine though... grin

gallery Wed 23-Sep-09 12:33:09

I agree with Handbag addiction (do you buy those on line too?) advice.
I work full time and went back fulltime from the beginning. I usually am home before 6pm but spend that first get in the door hour running round sorting supper. If you only have an hour, make the most of it. Look at your evening routine and what can you drop.
Also, can they stay up later. My kids, I would love to get to bed at 7 but they go about 730. Could you get up earlier in morning to have some chores out of way.
I don't feel guilty, I love working, I love the time with my boys too. I also have a lot of evening meetings so come home go out maybe 1-2 nights a week.
So, rules are, look at getting as much mundane stuff as you can outsourced- ironing, cleaning, shop online. Maximise your weekend time so you are able to concentrate on family. Look at how you spend your evening and adjust jobs and things like bathtime, computer time so that you all have fun together. I think it sounds like your kids are older too, so will they be engrossed in their own stuff when you come in?

Lovemyshoes Wed 23-Sep-09 13:04:53

Thank you all.

My new job is 'official' as I recieved my letter of appointment today grin grin

You are all right, organisation is the key and I want weekends relatively chore free (though Sundays are nearly all the same, uniforms washed, ironed etc for the following week, they have a separate basket purely for their uniforms)

I have just copied some 'one pot' recipes that I can throw in the slow cooker first thing in a morning.

Gallery, you are right about bed-times, I will extend it so that I have time with them.

Buying in bulk is also a good idea, as is shopping online, simple stuff, but, didn't think of it.

I going to do a rota for the four of us, but, as silly as it seems, I'm struggling what to put on etc so that everything gets done.

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