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I hate my job so much, applied for the only thing that was even remotely decent but it won't work out... so I want to quit but scared of being a SAHM

(19 Posts)
PrincessToadstool Wed 29-Jul-09 12:05:53

God it is all so crap.

Had really mixed feelings about returning to work after ML, like many I suppose, but the incentive of a big bonus made my mind up - and it WAS worth it, that bonus bought me my first car and insurance for a year.

11 months on I HATE the job. My manager is a total jobsworth to be honest. Her manager is nice and was supposed to be my line manager but the structure has changed 3 times since I started and so here we are now. She promises things and never follows them up but if I am so much as an hour late with someone she is on my back in a flash. She patronises and talks down to me. I can't bear it anymore.

I feel very bitter about my old job being removed (as I took AML I was not entitled to it) and disappointed that here I am in a job I did NOT get on merit, did not beat other candidates for, is not matched to my skills, etc etc...

So I've been looking for something else since January and finally applied for something - though it is a lower salary and really a step back, it would have meant I'd be happier, doing slightly less hours, more time with DS, and the potential for in a few years when he is at school to carve out a career rather than just have a job, as the position could have tied into some OU courses I am interested in.

But the interview was this morning, it was great but they want me to do 15 hours over 5 days - totally defeats the point, would cost more than I currently pay for 3 full days (and as the salary is lower it would just be stupid) - and of course I'd have no time with DS, the point of working 2/3 days is so that I could actually do stuff on those other days.

Anyway so here I am. I said I'd quit if I didn't get it because I can't wait another 6 months just in case something suitable comes up, I will go mad. But I am really concerned about leaving the job market.

My colleague says to stay and wait but really I cannot, I CAN'T put up with jobsworth any longer, and the politics in this department are just something else - office fucking busybody has taken it upon herself to write down the times that people come in and leave shock people snitch about non-events, get complained about for taking too long to make a cup of tea, it is just awful, it sounds so petty but it is depressing - the days I am here I just HATE, and knowing I am here doing a shit job while DS is playing and I could be with him - and the days I am not here well I just worry about 'next week'

It is all a mess and I don't know what to do.

PerArduaAdNauseum Wed 29-Jul-09 12:09:01

What's the working pattern they're after? Can you make it work with different childcare? Looking forward, then you'd find 3 hours a day just about wonderful when DS is at school...

But I'm loathing my accidental SAHMness, so am biased smile

PrincessToadstool Wed 29-Jul-09 12:18:21

Mon - Thus 1-4, Fri 10-1

Nursery pm sessions begin at 1 so I'd be dropping him off at 12.30.

I am really loathe to change his childcare as his keyworker is just wonderful, and he recently moved to the bigger toddler room so has gone through so much settling in I really don't want to make him go through it all again. If I had concerns over the nursery it would be easy but every issues I've ever had (and only ever minor ones) has been resolved quickly and professionally. In fact if I resigned i will feel worse about him not going to nursery than me not having a job!

What do you mean by accidental SAHMness?

I suppose I am worried that leaving work is hard to go back on. The nursery is run by my employer so if I go I lose the place and it would be very hard to get back into it, not to mention childcare for interviews etc.

So that ties into my other dilemma - changing employer would mean changing nursery so I feel very restricted.

flowerybeanbag Wed 29-Jul-09 12:26:43

If the new job would mean changing childcare anyway, can you not find something that would fit with the hours the new employer want you to do?

PrincessToadstool Wed 29-Jul-09 12:34:47

Sorry flowery I wasn't clear, the new job is with my current employer just a different department.

I am really disappointed that the ad didn't state the hours. The usual setup is that where hours/days are not flexible, they are published. Where they are flexible, they are not. But that is just from experience and obviously not the case here. I nearly walked out of the interview but didn't and now think it was just a waste of their time and mine.

Mutt Wed 29-Jul-09 12:37:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrincessToadstool Wed 29-Jul-09 13:03:52

Oh Mutt that is the one thing that really worries me. But I really can't stay. I have worked some shit jobs before now but the very misery of this is overwhelming. I wake up in the night worrying about work, I feel nervous and dread the phone ringing. I have never felt this way about a job before.

And I can't help but feel on some level that I am doing myself and DS a bit of a dis-service... we planned a few DC but actualyl after all that's happened we think DS will be our only. I feel sad that in three years that will be it for me. For me and him. But I know what you mean and being 'unemployed' is a scary label.

This job is 26 hours and it's too much, I only have 21 hours of childcare so have to do the rest at home, 5 hours doesn't sound much but it feels it, I can't do anything when it's just me and DS (easier when I first came back and he napped a lot) so it can really spoil the weekend, and on top of this I am studying - it is horrid sometimes to choose working over studying, how I have not dropped out I don't know.

But it was either 26 hours or talk about redundancy and that meant no car... so the choice was hard at the beginning.

I know on the surface this might sound petty. I know it does in text, anonymous. My head is pounding and I just want to cry.

PerArduaAdNauseum Wed 29-Jul-09 13:16:06

Sounds like you need a break in general. How much support do you have from your DP?

It might not be as bad to SAHM for a little if you're also studying - that's the sort of thing employers like to see. I'm an accidental SAHM because I took 6 months 'off' after redundancy to settle my DS into school. 15 months later...

Bramshott Wed 29-Jul-09 13:25:48

Is there really no way you can make the 15 hours work? Is it work approaching them for a proposal for it to be done over 4 days rather than 5? If you work in the afternoons, you could have some lovely mornings with your DS when he's at his most alert and happy, and then go into work later on. If they offer you the job, I would make a proposal to them at least over how the hours might work - could you do 1.30 - 5.30 (or similar) four days a week, with Friday off?

PrincessToadstool Wed 29-Jul-09 13:37:52

PerArdua I do need a break but what is silly is that we were on holiday only 6 weeks ago and I've had two days off since then to sort out paperwork etc.

DP is great, I am not sure how I would have got this far without him. I get home from work with no energy, not because I am tired from a hard day of invigorating and interesting stuff but because I am utterly spent from trying not to just collapse under the weight of how dire it is. The work itself is also very dull so it is hard to care. So DP cooks and I feel like I just vegetate. Then he cleans up and does DS's bath and bed. Whereas on my days off I plan proper dinners and make pies and keep the house spotless and take DS out and I just love it. DP takes DS out at the weekends for a bit, just a few hours to the park or his parents so I can study. And he does all this while maintaining his own stressful job with a long commute and long hours.

Bramshott I am waiting for them to get back to me and see if we can talk about the hours but if they won't budge I can't afford to - I can work for almost nothing (in order to earn more when DS has funded hours/then goes to school etc) but I can't work at an actual loss.

flowerybeanbag Wed 29-Jul-09 13:41:05

If it's making you feel like this and you can leave, financially I mean, then I would personally. Sounds like you've given it a really good go after ML, you have a supportive partner and are also studying, so you won't be 'just' SAHM-ing as your reason for a break.

The job market might be much better in a year or so's time anyway.

PerArduaAdNauseum Wed 29-Jul-09 13:42:30

Think Flowery's got it right - best of luck smile

Mutt Wed 29-Jul-09 14:04:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrincessToadstool Wed 29-Jul-09 15:12:48

Thanks everyone.

Mutt, like you I am not after a big career, my priority with work is just that a) it does not take over my life and b) it is doing something worthwhile - not in a major way, saving lives or anything but something I can see value in. This was a job in a children's centre and I want to study in childhood and youth (currently social science but can go in that direction)

Anyway a chat with a colleague almost offered a solution, most children's centres have nurseries attached so this would have solved the main problem and been much cheaper.

Then I got a phone call offering me the job, had a chat and told them I'd love it but for my dilemma - and they won't budge on the hours and this centre isn't having a nursery so it's totally unworkable. Am v gutted but just got to move on.

Mutt Wed 29-Jul-09 16:49:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrincessToadstool Wed 29-Jul-09 18:10:44

Thanks Mutt, I am trying to tell myself it is for the best somehow.

I'm not sure what to do really. I was pretty certain when I applied that if I didn't get it I would resign. Now I'm in that position I am just nervous of doing so.

Going to have a chat with DP tonight and mull it all over.

My manager is on leave at the moment and the thought of seeing her again without knowing it's on a countdown, is just depressing.

It's great that you managed to find a job that is school-hours. I bet they are few and far between.

icedgemsrock Wed 29-Jul-09 18:21:10

The way you describe the time spent with your ds makes me think you would be very happy being a sahm.
It's not for everyone I know, but I absolutely love it and feel like i'm on a permanent holiday. I would leave, there's no point being so unhappy and re-evaluate in a years time.

PrincessToadstool Wed 29-Jul-09 18:40:02

Thanks icedgems I think I would be happy you know... maybe not when I first went back, I was very tired, co-sleeping and BFing throughout the night, I was never alone for a minute so to be honest I was glad of the break. But those struggles are no longer there and I think I could really relish that time with him.

And ok, it is not that easy to reverse the decision but it's not impossible either, is it? I don't see how it would be more stressful than the situation I am currently in.

I just so want the next time I see my manager to be to tell her I'm going.

rita2007 Sat 29-Aug-09 22:38:49

did you ever resign then? I wish i had posted my dilemma before resigning recently......

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