fast advice needed re meeting area manager in 2 hours

[iateallthecreameggsyummy]

Ok here goes:
Been having ongoing issues with my manager since she took over about 4 months ago. Sometimes she can be fantastic and other times she just screams at me and is totally unreasonable. This has been carrying on despite me asking her specifically not to shout and that the best way to deal with me is to talk. I have had quite a few jobs and am almost 30 i have never been managed in such a disrespectful way.

Anyway 2 weeks ago my dh had enough, came into work and called the manager from her office and had a few words (she was at home) , telling her to leave me alone as i am pregnant and this is highly unproffessional he does not like seeing me upset. Now i know what he did was wrong but he was at the end of his tether as was I.

I have apologised countless times to my manager about his behaviour but explained that she has upset me and been very aggresive she does not agree. I also told her i feel ashamed and embarrassed by the situation. I left it a week and asked what was going to happen, she told me she does not want to look at me or work with me as was still shaking after the incident. In all fairness i have been shaking and scared about going into work for the last 3/4 motnhs due to her behaviour.

She told me last week that we will have a meeting with her and area manager and i asked if i was going to lose my job, she said she would not tell me and will have the meeting when she feels better!

so i have waited, was undercut wages by 5 hours last fortnight and called to question this today and asked if there was any progress on meeting the area manager, and she tells me he is coming today! I have been given no notice of this at all! I asked if this was a formal meeting and if so then i would have the right to bring along some support, esp being more vulnerable being pregnant, she said no because she doesnt want formal process! I said ok looking forward to meeting him but if the meeting becomes tenuos i will be stopping the meeting till support arrives for me.

I have been under an incredible amount of stress and had asked to start my mat leave at the earliest date i can and she declined my request telling me she left 13 weeks before her baby was due got bored and resented her baby! But i just want out but i cant afford to leave as i need the mat pay.

Do i have a right to leave this meeting if it gets to much? Do i have the right to ask for some support? Can i ask to meet with him alone and then with the manager or does she have to be present? Can i ask for the incident to be investigated as she refused to do so when i discussed with her last week? Can i be sacked when i didnt call her it was my dh??

Sorry for very very long post!!

[TheMoreItSnows]

Erm not sure I can be much help, what would I do? Take a deep breath or two and try to calm down. Write down everything that has happened up to this point, including times, dates and as much of the conversations as possible - including when you asked to meet and your requests were refused, the shortage of pay, grounds on which your request for mat leave starting when you wanted was refused etc etc. Have it all documented in case it gets nasty. (Don't let them know you have that, and don't let them see it)

Can your request to start mat leave be refused? I wouldn't have thought so.

Meet with the area manager & your manager, see what they have to say, remain calm, and polite, apologise on your partners behalf again if you think it necessary (your manager may have been quite scared by his behaviour.....)

Can you be sacked for your partners behaviour? Certainly not, all he was doing was trying to look after you.

If it gets nasty remind them that you were told it wasn't a formal meeting, you don't have anyone else there, and suggest that the meeting is rescheduled accordingly, meeting the legal requirements.

Remain calm, polite, and professional, and see what happens next. Sorry - the best I can do.

[PuppyMonkey]

Is there anyone there who can come with you now? I know they said they didn't want that, but hey ho.

[LuluMaman]

if this is some sort of disciplinary you can take someone with you

call ACAS immediately

is there someone from HR that you can go to above her head re your maternity leave

she sounds as though she has a personal axe to grind

i would stay calm, take a list of questions and try to not panic

[iateallthecreameggsyummy]

thanks but if i take anyone with me my manager will get on defensive mode! my sisters offered to come and sit in the corner drinking coffee they are ready on their phones if i need them.

Thing is i have been as nice as i can with her since the incident and she has just been rude, refusing to even look at me and on sunday i couldnt even do a shift handover as she was so rude towards me, then she saw the other staff and was all smiles.

Im worried i will just break into a pile of tears with my hormones as they are and she always blames me crying on pregnancy and nothing to do with her behaviour.

[flowerybeanbag]

When you start your maternity leave is completely up to you. You don't request maternity leave, you inform them of it. The earliest you can start is 11 weeks before your due date.

How long have you worked there for? Once you've been there over a year they can't just sack you, no.

If this is not a formal meeting you don't have the right to representation or someone to come with you. If it is a formal meeting as part of a disciplinary procedure they must tell you in advance so you know what's coming. If you don't feel comfortable at any stage then say so, and if in doubt ask for the meeting to be adjourned.

If you want to meet with the area manager alone, ask him.

It may not be necessary to have the incident with your DH investigated depending on what's said in the meeting. If they want to discipline you for it it will need to be investigated anyway. If they don't and want to leave it at that, then if you feel you want it investigated anyway you could always ask but if they don't want to take any further action there seems little point.

[jambutty]

Ok - I'm not experienced or qualified in HR law so this is just what I think is common sense:
I think you need to ask for clarification of the status of the meeting before it starts - from the area manager. If it is at all formal, ask for it to be postponed until you can have someone with you, and make it clear that you were told this was an informal meeting. I think (albeit he acted to support you) your Dh's actions have put you on the wrong foot and you need to get back to a position where you can deal with your manager's behaviour towards you that led to your DH confronting her.

Good luck.

[iateallthecreameggsyummy]

i clearly asked her on the phone if this is a disciplinary or formal meeting and she has said no she didnt want that, so why is area manager coming in then?

[jambutty]

There you go = took me so long to post lots of people with more experience have posted!

[iateallthecreameggsyummy]

thanks everyone i have worked there for a bout 15 months now i asked her to investigate the event or get another manager to do so and she told me she has never had to ask questions before and will not start now, although she has only been a manager for about 4 months now.

[jambutty]

Exactly - that's why you need the area manager to tellyou what their interpretation of the meeting is before it starts.

[TheMoreItSnows]

Could it be that he/she just happens to be coming in today anyway, and your manager is using it as an opportunity to 'scare' you a little? Unreasonable though it would be?

[iateallthecreameggsyummy]

ok i am due in work at 3 and i have been told he will be there when i arrive, so will ask him before the meeting starts. Im crapping myself!

[iateallthecreameggsyummy]

nope snow she has requested him to come in about this incident and he has travelled about 140 miles to come in for the meeting.

[randomtask]

I suspect she's just winding you up. No area manager would travel that far for a non-disciplinary meeting. If it was official, surely you'd receive a letter? It sounds like she's having a problem, not you. If you explain to the area manager what you've been dealing with, I'm sure they'll realise there's a problem. If it's an 'official' meeting you need to postpone it until someone can be there with you.

You never know, maybe she's complained to them, they think she's irrational and are coming for her disciplinary and want to know about your experiences...

[LuluMaman]

thing is you have acknowledged that what your DH did was wrong and you have apologised, if she is choosing to hold a grudge, it is not professional and has a horrible impact on you.

she might well be making out that she can no longer work with you due to her fear of repercussions from your husband. whether that is legal or grounds for your dismissal i don; tknow

[LuluMaman]

a disciplinary has to be notififed in writing and oyu absolurely should be told you can bring someone with

it should also be a minuted meetign

[iateallthecreameggsyummy]

thanks guys can see all your points and advice appreciated.

As for fear of repercussions she even said herself after he'd called it is obvious he cares for me, well yes seeing as when i was miscarrying while at work and getting screamed at i can understand why he might feel this way!

I am def going to ask to speak with him alone and fill him in on what has been going on.

thanks everyone!

of to work in 10 mins nerves are awful!

[AvengingGerbil]

Come back and tell us how it goes.

[WednesdaysChild]

Just wanted to say hi! I had a couple of managers like this one, (first time I was also pregnant), in both cases they had been allowed to get away with belittling people for so long that it became their main method of people-management.

Don't know if it helps at all but, at the time of my second bad manager, HR directed me to websites for HR training that all pointed out that workplace bullying usually begins when the bully feels threatened, inadequate or inferior to the person they bully!

So, if it really does get that bad today maybe you should ask her why she felt she needed to target you in the beginning? Show her up for her 'Little Man Syndrome'

Good luck.

[jambutty]

Update creameggs?

[iateallthecreameggsyummy]

ok thanks for all your advice guys!!

went into work and he met me alone, allbeit in the middle of the restaurant and i did calmly state my dislike of it.

Met with him alone we talked through the situation thoroughly and he told me between then two of us he didnt feel that he should have been called in as it was more a personaility issue!

She admited that she had not handled the situation as well as she could have and had taken it personally.

Anyway we agreed to move forward and are ,eeting with area manager again in 2 weeks time. As for mat leave she dug herself a hole really when she started going on about me possible being bored etc etc, this after i had told area manager how i felt and he agreed i could go when i wanted to so she looked the idiot!

I held my head up high and ensured my body language was open towards the both of them, made eye contact, came acoss as super confident and she sat crossed arms really negative body language!!

sorry for delay in replying just finished work at 10pm and not long got home! pizza is on its way!!

[flowerybeanbag]

Sounds like a really positive meeting all round, that's great news. Hope your manager improves from now on.

[iateallthecreameggsyummy]

thankyou flowery and thanks for all the advice yu gave me! i felt lots mre comfortable !! and i didnt cry how proud i was i even told dh when i got home!

[LuluMaman]

that sounds really positive, shame you had all the worry before x

[HerHonesty]

good. make sure you take down very detailed notes of exactly what was said by whom. just in case things get bad again it is a good idea to have a record.

i would also, given that she sounds like a complete bully, take down date and time of ANY incidents that you feel uncomfortable w ith.

well done for not crying!