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husband redundant - help!

(12 Posts)
mousie Tue 05-Apr-05 19:49:11

My husband was made redundant in November and hasn't found another job yet -it's been about five months. I have adjusted to having him at home (I am a sahm with a two year old and a four year old). In fact, in part it has been great seeing more of him - and really good for the kids. But money is going to run out end of the year and we were both hoping he woudl have had job offers by now (he is a trader in the city and hasn't struggled for work before now). I am finding it hard being supportive - am tempted to find work myself (though am not capable of putting a dent in the mortgage really). The real problem is I am losing confidence in him, and finding it hard to be a supportive partner. Obviously confidence is all at times like this. He has had several rejections and has little in the pipeline at present. I need some advice and encouragement, please...

milliways Tue 05-Apr-05 19:53:47

Has he thought about a total change - starting his own business etc? My DH was made redundant Dec04, & started a Franchise in March 05. Not been easy but we're surviving & he likes being his own boss. We've also learned to survive on a LOT less than before, kids have adjusted well.

Don't give up, Spring is a good time for recruitment - no-one wants to recruit over the winter.

Easy Thu 07-Apr-05 09:54:31

I know this is hard Mousie, my dh was out of work for a few months last year, and the offers were not flowing in, a new situation for us, he had easily changed jobs about every 3 years up to then.

Firstly, he has 'signed on' hasn't he. I know it's a horrible thing to do (we hated it), but it means he will get his NI credits, which are important. Also have you contacted the childrens tax credit people? Even if you didn't qualify before, you should get something after no income for 5 months, and will definately be eligible for something from april 6th onwards.

On the 'keeping spirits up' front, try to set a routine again. My dh would spend 2 hours each morning dealing with jobsearching, applications etc, and I tried to ensure he went swimming, or we went to the park together or some other activity out of the house nearly every day. I know you don't want to spend too much, but try to find positive activities you couldn't do if he was at work.

Does he need to re-evaluate his C.V., or get some advice over his interview technique? Lots of successful men have problems accepting this, but the problem is that fashions change, and recruiters look for different things than they did 5 years ago.

FWIW My dh's problem is that he is a very experienced software developer, now over 40, who DOESN'T want a management job. but all the jobs he went to assumed he would be looking to move to management as soon as he got in post.

is your dh flexible about what he wants to do?

Fio2 Thu 07-Apr-05 09:59:12

my husband has had job difficulties aswell recently. He read "what colour is your parachute?" cant remember the author but it was an amazing book, and also "Perfect Interview" by Max Eggert. they were both really really useful.

He also found internet agencies a waste of time

mousie Thu 07-Apr-05 10:49:57

thank you - all very helpful, Easy especially - some good tips here. he hasn't signed on yet and it has been more than five months - so you are right, this needs to be done. He is relatively flexible but heading for forty and a lot of what you say rings true. Also needs a big salary if we are to keep paying the mortgage - so he can't have a complete change I am afraid. We only bought a house last year (after three years of dithering renting) so I will be gutted if we have to move again. However, I know remaining flexible myself is important.

scoot Thu 07-Apr-05 11:06:10

make sure when he signs on you get your council tax benifit, if your anything like us its a killer! work or no work. Wish you the best of luck as finding work isn't easy. My dh just gone back to work. You come to rely on the support at home especially when you have little ones.

Easy Thu 07-Apr-05 15:26:21

Mousie, he really does need to sign-on. He should get a small amount of unemployment benefit, after all, that is why he's paid NI in the past.

Also, have you checked your mortgage insurance. Are you claiming on it? If not, why not? He may need to sign on to be eligible, but it might help you keep the house until he gets a new job sorted out.

Best of luck. The hardest part is stopping him from feeling down, as that starts to affect his interview prospects.

mousie Thu 07-Apr-05 18:21:19

easy - how do I stop him feeling down? I am really crap at this - because my fears creep into everything I say. I wish their was a formula I could follow. any tips - also both our sex drives have waned massively - inevitable I guess. agghh, but yes, the help at home (like having a really slovenly au pair) is something I now rely on..

mousie Thu 07-Apr-05 18:21:50

easy - how do I stop him feeling down? I am really crap at this - because my fears creep into everything I say. I wish their was a formula I could follow. any tips - also both our sex drives have waned massively - inevitable I guess. agghh, but yes, the help at home (like having a really slovenly au pair) is something I now rely on..

dabihp Thu 07-Apr-05 19:02:52

Blow Jobs

Great way to boost any man's confidence - crude but it works!

mousie Thu 07-Apr-05 21:31:35

you are right, of course!

dabihp Fri 08-Apr-05 14:24:55

lol - let us all know if it works!

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