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Should I act like the 5 year old child and tell on my 'bully' boss?

(9 Posts)
Lowfat Mon 01-Dec-08 21:21:47

My boss has been in our department for 5 years, I have ben there for 8. He has no people skills whatsoever and lives to work. He is keen on delivery and pushes us all to acheive, which we do this as we appreciate without delivery the business would have no need of us.

And I love my job, I get o well with my colleagues and I enjoy the variety and challenge.

However when my boss gets stressed or has a deadline he becomes realy initimidating, and can be a bully and has reduced us all to tears in the past.

We were recently asked for feedback by his manager about what he does well and what he could do better. we found 4 concise areas he was good at, all about delivery and 4 huge concerns for what he could do better, all around people management. Most importantly we all wrote how anxious he makes us.

But since then, there has been few incidents, all steming from the the delivery of a major project and I now feel he has taken a step top far.

Basically the breaking point was when I was doing some confidential work for his manager (my senior manager) and he was not aware of what it was - although I had told him she had asked me to do it (she had not asked him, but he said I had a few days clear so I offered based on the fact he didn't need me). Anyway as I was doing the work he came to my desk and asked what it was so I shut the screen. So he stood over me while I was sat at my desk saying 'who's your manager?' 'who do you work for' etc. Now I dont handle confrontation well at all and this drove me to tears. And when he saw this he physically back off.

And since then even though he has explained his behaviour - but not apologised - I have this tight knot in my stomach when I think about work or having to work with him.

The problem is we are a small dept and I have quite a few projects where I have to work on a 1-1 basis with him. It has gotten to the point where I despise him he makes me so anxious - I truly can say I feel like I hate him.

So what can I do, if I talk to his manager I know I will get emotional, I dont want to come across as a tell-tale, and I dread that she will force us to have it out in the open, Basically I want to leave his team, but there is nowhere for me to go. I cant change jobs as I have flexible working and brilliant pay for the hours I do - so do I have to out up with his bullying?

MarxAndSparks Mon 01-Dec-08 21:56:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lowfat Mon 01-Dec-08 22:02:09

That he is my manager and he has a right to know what I am doing so he can plan what work he gives me.

Despite him saying, before I took it on, that I had the rest of the week clear. And me telluing him I was doing a small job for his manager.

I know I could have handled it better by saying I had been asked to do a confidential job, but I had never been i the position before. He also said he was sorry for the position I had been put in and that he would be having words with his manager - which will probably come back on me, because you can bet he will forget to metion that he told me the time was my own.

MarxAndSparks Mon 01-Dec-08 22:18:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lowfat Mon 01-Dec-08 22:25:47

We are not in an open plan office sadly, as I feel this would deiffuse his behaviour greatly.

I have written down everything that happened last week and plan on keepiong a diary about his behaviour.

I jsut dont deal with confrontation very well at all and even when angry or frustrated if i try to address it with him I just get flustered and emotional sad

Will try not to get emotional and tell him clearly when the next issue arises.


MarxAndSparks Mon 01-Dec-08 22:40:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoveBeingAMummyKissingSanta Tue 02-Dec-08 11:37:07

Completely agree with marx. Whether he is aware he does this or not by challenging you are bringing it to his attention and he will learn. Its just like awith a child!!!!

Vicky43 Tue 30-Dec-08 18:33:34

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higgle Thu 01-Jan-09 15:29:40

I think that if his manager asked wanted to ask you to do something they should have run it past him first. I would feel very undermined if one of my staf was doing work for my manager without telling me about it.At the end of the day offices only work through the operation of consensus and if you behave with this lack of respect to;wards him it is likely you will get animosity back.

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