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Difficult employment choice - suggestions welcome

(21 Posts)
Purpleparrot Thu 11-Sep-08 23:29:04

I currently work the standard Monday to Friday 9-5.30 hours. I am a single mother with a 9 year old DS and I do not have family and friends nearby for help.

My work means that I only have 2 hours from arriving home to DS going to bed. This does not give us much time for homework, meals, bath time and quality time together. Our house is tiny, his room is tiny, we have no garden to speak of and neither of us are happy. I have a few options for improving this situation but do not know which to choose.

1, stay where I am - home and work - but cut my hours down so that I can pick him up from school myself and spend time with him. Pluses - more time with my DS and sticking with what I know. Minuses - It means a big cut in wages but it could be manageable. I would not be able to save for a bigger house though.

2, Take a new job which I have been offered. It is permanent with flexible hours so I can fit it around DS school. I would be moving in with my best friend and her DD aged 5. She would help with childcare where necessary. Pluses - we are great friends and can make it work, We would have our own rooms, loads of land to play on, DS could have the dog he wants and it is in the countryside with the beach nearby too. Minues - It would mean a big cut in wages and I would be house sharing (a 4 bedroom detached bungalow on acres of land), it would mean my son changing schools again - he did this 20 months ago due to my impending divorce. If my friend decided to sell her house following her impending divorce it would mean moving house again next year but she has not made that decision yet. He could remain at the same school if I have to move again.

3, Take a different job near my friend which would require a 45 minute commute each way. It would be the same hours I have now, same money but better prospects of reduced mortgage rates and a pension - working in a bank. I would be house sharing and my friend would take care of my DS after school rather than a playcare. Pluses. He would have more freedom than he has now, more room inside and outside of the house, have the dog he wants and a country lifestyle. Minuses - I still would not spend as much time with him as I would like and he would have to change schools then move house again in a year or so.

4, Return to England (I am in Scotland now) and move in with my parents and find a job near them. Pluses - being closer to my whole family who I love very much, they would take care of childcare for me at little or no cost, I would have to contribute to the house but not pay full bills until I find a decent home for us both and my DS would be near his grandparents who he adores. Minues - it would mean moving back to a town I have not lived in for 14 years which to be honest does not feel like home anymore, it would mean house sharing and it would mean job and house hunting again.

So... any thoughts on what you would choose?

(Flower 3554 - I did my best to keep this short... honestly!)

avenanap Thu 11-Sep-08 23:35:38

I don't think anuone here can really tell you what to do. It has to be your choice. What does ds think?

primigravida Thu 11-Sep-08 23:40:02

Difficult decision. Sounds like you've got a good handle on the pros and cons. I would personally move in with either your friend or your parents as I don't think I could manage working ft as well as looking after my ds on my own. Besides it's nice to have another adult in the house. I would be more inclined to go with 2 or 3 as I would find it hard moving back in with my parents. Best of luck deciding.

primigravida Thu 11-Sep-08 23:41:32

Good point avenap - DS should definitely be included in decision making process, I didn't think of that because my ds is only ten months old.

avenanap Thu 11-Sep-08 23:45:07

smile

pinkteddy Thu 11-Sep-08 23:49:46

Options 2 and 3 both mean improving your lives in the short term and improving things in the long term. Option 4 feels like it would be a retrograde step but only you know how much you would like to be nearer your parents. You could probably still go back to them if either option 2 or 3 didn't work out anyway?

You haven't said what the pros and cons of the two different jobs are. And agree with avenap, ds needs to be included in the decision.

elkiedee Thu 11-Sep-08 23:52:32

You mention option 2 would involve a big cut in wages, how would it affect your outgoings? Would it reduce those to compensate or would they be the same? Apart from that, it sounds like a better option if time with your son is a priority.

Flower3554 Fri 12-Sep-08 07:17:04

Bumping for you Purplesmile

Purpleparrot Fri 12-Sep-08 09:03:43

Thanks Flower :-)

The options that involve moving in with my friend would mean a reduction in outgoings as we would be sharing all bills and I would not have to pay for child care. I have to check the financials on all options but I think it would be manageable. I would not have a lot left each month after bills had been paid but I could pay everything. I have a couple of loans, one will be finished in 5 months and the other in 16 months which would give me another £225.00 per month to play with. The Option 2 job is working with someone I have worked with before and get on well with. It is a job similar to one I have done before and in fact I set up most of the processes which he started his current company so it should be a doddle. The Option 3 job would have better prospects but I haven't worked in a bank before.

I have talked to my son about it and he has said yes to all options so he is not being much help! I think he is happy if I am happy and he doesn't have to do much in the decision making process!

flowerybeanbag Fri 12-Sep-08 09:09:41

Have you tried the trick where you make columns for pros and cons for each options, then you will find yourself trying to think of more pros for the one you really want deep down? Works sometimes!

I wouldn't move back with parents personally, so 2 or 3

flowerybeanbag Fri 12-Sep-08 09:09:43

Have you tried the trick where you make columns for pros and cons for each options, then you will find yourself trying to think of more pros for the one you really want deep down? Works sometimes!

I wouldn't move back with parents personally, so 2 or 3

flowerybeanbag Fri 12-Sep-08 09:09:56

Ooh sorry.

Flower3554 Fri 12-Sep-08 10:18:59

Hey you lotwink stop putting her off moving back homegringrinwink

Purpleparrot Fri 12-Sep-08 10:28:46

I know, poor Flower thought she was getting her eldest DD and grandson back but everyone is say NOOOOOooooooo to that idea! sorry flower :-)

Flower3554 Fri 12-Sep-08 10:33:47

Ah but they don't know how wonderful your mum iswink

flowerybeanbag Fri 12-Sep-08 10:37:42

blushgrin

tiggerlovestobounce Fri 12-Sep-08 10:51:07

I like option 4. Probably not living with parents forever, but for a year or 2 while you get settled and established it could be good.

Purpleparrot Fri 12-Sep-08 10:51:49

That is true... now there will be a number of embarrassed mumsnetters! See if I start getting loads of messages saying move in with flower.....!

Flower3554 Fri 12-Sep-08 10:59:42

Excellent suggestion tiggerwink

SpookyMadMummy Fri 12-Sep-08 11:06:57

One thing here to consider - which is the most secure option in the long term?
Fwiw, I would look to your futures especially wrt your son and how any further possible moves may affect him.

Zazette Fri 12-Sep-08 11:22:52

What would job options be like near your parents' home? this is not the greatest time to be looking for work, so the fact that you have jobs lined up near your friend is a point in favour of 2 and 3 (though you are obviously v good at getting jobs, since you have 2 offers in hand!)

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