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Pls Help..2 jobs+3.5 yr old=nervous breakdown!

(13 Posts)
snowfallinthesahara Thu 10-Jul-08 11:20:58

Hi,Ive posted this on another thread but just really need some advice..dh was made redundant last year and has since been working all hours(16/18 hours a day everyday) trying to set up his own business.
meanwhile,ive been(trying to) keep the bills paid and our heads above water by taking on another job on sunday evenings 6pm to 12 midnight,proofreading.i quite like my day job but the sundays are a diff matter.
i cant do this frm home and i dont drive,so its a q of...
working all week 9-5,sats off,out of the house sundays at 5pm and not back in till 12.30am and out the door again on mondays at 7.30am..i make about £175(it pays our loan payment off) from my sundays,however my boss is making an ISSUE of me having checked my mobile phone twice under the desk and not 'offering' to do a particular task on one occasion,so the atmosphere isnt the best.
but now dh's business is bringing a bit in and shd get better hopefully,so he's asking me to forget the sunday job.and if it comes to it he says he will do sthing to get the extra-but where is the time??

to put it mildly,i think im dying.
evenings and weekends are a blur of bulk cooking,chores,keeping on top of spiralling bills and paperwork.
i hardly get to have a 5 min stress-free conversation with ds and was meant to go back to uni for my msc in nutrition this yr but it doesnt seem very likely now,for this yr anyway..and so its the emotional misery as well.
its causing havoc in our relationship as well...the constant stress.
BUT i still cant decide if i shd listen to dhhand in my notice..i need time to be a mother(to put it mildly),but im terrified with this see-saw money situation;should i take the 'risk' or stay miserable and play safe?

Eilatan Thu 10-Jul-08 12:35:05

sounds very familiar. We're both juggling teaching with bringing up one year old. We're 42 and 60 respectively (don't ask!!! I thought I was suffering from a stress disorder for the first three months!!!!) Husband also delivers and canvasses for elctoral roll in three boroughs. And we're still broke. Combination of cost of living and both of us still counting the cost of our reckless in spending exes. Little 'un at day nursery...soooo expensive! At least we get good holidays, I don't deny that but in the middle of an 8 week half term of child care, cooking, cleaning, marking, preparing etc..etc.. it isn't much comfort. My MA has gone...tragic as I got As for everything and only had to finish dis. But something had to go. Just gotta keep plodding. The only thing I can say is, spending the time as a family makes it worth while. Drop the Sunday job and insist that the time is spent doing fun and cheap family things.
Take care and talk again, if it all gets TOO MUCH XXXX

snowfallinthesahara Thu 10-Jul-08 12:46:41

Thanks eilatan..
things hv changed so dramatically for us since dh's job went that im trying to be as careful as possible.can u believe ive will i regret it if dh's business see-saws?(he hates it when i talk like that)or am i being hopelessly negative?

i know i want to drop the sunday job,plus the atmosphere makes me dread it.i remember how mine was at one;dont worry the nursery costs dont last forever-thankfully!

im sure u can still do ure MA,once the little one's a bit older..its so hard to keep the tiny flicker of personal hopes and dreams alive!ive always wanted do go to med-school,but thinking that was waay out of reach applied for msc instead..it makes me laugh that im even dreaming about things like this!

snowfallinthesahara Thu 10-Jul-08 12:48:18

oops,typo..i meant do u think i will i regret it if dh's business see-saws?

jamescagney Thu 10-Jul-08 14:05:20

hey snow just to say that you're doing a great job and that you are a realist.
If dh thinks that you can drop the sunday job cos of his business then can you? Or is he saying that cos he can see how stressed u are?
Time for a chat. Why not agree that you'll work for say the next month and see how it goes? If you save the £175 x 4 (pretend that you're not earning it) and see how you cope without it. If you can great and you'll have £700 put away for a rainy day, then if you can't, then agree to do it for so long, a defined time, and then see if you can restructure loan etc.
you need to see that something will give, it will be your health or relationship. But if you can put a defined time limit on this sunday work it will hopefully be a bit more doable. smile

snowfallinthesahara Thu 10-Jul-08 21:15:24

thanks,uve made a feel a lot better.i make 175 a month at the proofreading place..so altho its not a huge amount,the circumstances have made it this imp
being able to say im only going to do this for the next,say,three months definitely makes it seem more bearable...im just not sure if ill last till then!

jamescagney Fri 11-Jul-08 10:45:18

oh snow, you are so tired and drained that even though things are bad, they seem so much worse.
Cheesy, I know, but this works for me. I have a notebook with two columns headed problems and solutions.
Problems Solutions
Money Sunday night work

Stress/Anxiety exercise (no matter how much
you don't feel like it!)Bottle of wine every Wednesday to celebrate middle of week with dp
Time limit on job.Chat with GP/Bank if feeling continues

I know it might seem sooo anal but it works!
chin up, you are dealing with this together as a unit!it will get better good luck smile

snowfallinthesahara Fri 11-Jul-08 14:46:35

ah cant tell u how much better ure post has made me feel.thank you so much..that is not a cheesy idea,its great!!i spose when ure knee-deep in things,its can get hard to maintain perspective.

jamescagney Fri 11-Jul-08 16:14:18

why thank you snow <nods graciously>
try not to let this overshadow everything. I found that B complex vitamins really helped when I was majorly stressed (but you know this oh nutritious one) blush
ignore pedantic old boss, be polite and professional and comfort yourself with a mental film of you giving him/her your notice!smile
there may be a time when you'll think "God, we really pulled together that time,didn't we?" (kind of like WW2 experiences of the Blitz).
onwards and upwards! <flies off in superhero cape>

Eilatan Fri 11-Jul-08 18:36:05

snowfallinthesahara - quit that job NOW!!!! - you'll find something else if you need to in the future, clever lady like you!

Cant add anything to jc's advice really! Have been major moody last 24 hrs. Don't like my job in unchallenging rural community college. Want to go back to London teaching but know that commute will mean less time with the little un... Then today, with NUT magazine came thing about swimming 22 miles - channel - at your local pool to raise cash for spinal injuries and I've cheered up. Exercise is great for stress but I'm bad without an aim, now I feel all inspired!

snowfallinthesahara Fri 11-Jul-08 20:01:21

ahhhh,just reading this has made me feel alllll inspired and better..gosh u guys are Great!
i was beginning to feel i was quite useless after the speech i got from him..i mean i can understand where he's coming from...but c'mon,proofreading under a circle of light,tiny office in the corner of the world,11 at night..and a text msg is the ultimate crime!<ok,rant over>
so this morning i left the tap on in the bath( found it running just now),left my lunchbox int he fridge when i went to get cheese and opened a zillion drawers wondering where on Earth its gone to!
and guess what,dh actually left a vitamin out on the counter for me before he left!!i was speechless with amazement.

So..i spoke to dh and decided,one month more-i dont think i can take it any longer than that.I rang the area manager this aftnoon and told her of my notice period.thats it,its done now.
apart from all the usual stuff,she said they would be happy to have me back anytime.that made me feel a bit better >;)

im feeling curiously relieved worried at the same time.
dh is being quite adamant that we Will be fine.<so help me God>

eilatan,that sounds like fun,a lot of lovely endorphins coming your way!and thank you,just 'hearing ' someone say ill find somethign else if i have to makes me so good about myself.
jc,when this whole money crisis blows over(still waving the hopeful flag!)..ill remember u..and think,thank god we really pulled that together didnt we?

Eilatan Fri 11-Jul-08 20:07:26

grin

jamescagney Sat 12-Jul-08 12:57:57

grin you sound so much happier now you've jacked in job snow, let us know how you get on, smile

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