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oh god...................................what the hell do i do?

(46 Posts)
prettyfly1 Sun 09-Sep-07 12:48:42

I started a new job about six months ago. It was a brilliant opportunity and a chance to work inh the field i really wanted to go into. Whilst i still love what i do the rest has turned into a nightmare.

1. The company is a small family company. me and another girl were hired at the same time. The managing director is a sexist, who frequently tells me i dont know anything because i am 25, that it is my job to keep the office clean (i am the marketing manager).
2. I received a sexually explicit email from one of the directors, who later told the owner that i sent one to him, as he was scared i would tell. he told him not to say anything to me. he is married to the owners heavily pregnant daughter. i recovered the email as proof but decided to say anything as ntohing has happened since.
3. I am expected to work evenings and weekends, on top of a uni course and single parenting a two year old. when my son was sick on friday, they pushed and pushed and wondered why i was nto working hard enough, they also had the hump when i said i couldnt work yesterday. my terms were 9-5 monday to friday. i now work a minimum 16 hour day - seven days.
4. The md sat in front of me last week and said he wanted to hire someone intelligent and ambitious, instead of who he had. bear in mind i wrote their business plan, redesigned the company website and created the marketing plan.
5. tells me he wanted me to drive to the other side of london in my car which is uninsured for anything other then commuting to work purposes and on motorways, which he knows i dont like as i only started driving in april and that i will be sacked if i dont.
6. argues on a daily basis that google and seo is useless and that he should hire a sxxt hot sales person to do my job. also refuses to give me my agreed commission or pay deal until he sees results. this despite my campaigns doubline thier annual turnover.
7. on the one occasion i argues with him screamed that i was a bloody liar and knew fuxxking nothing - i had the proof in my hand.

i cry every day and wont go to sleep because when i wake up i have to go to work. i spoke to one of the other bosses who very nicely told me its their company and they expoect me to work to whatever hours and standards they like. I havent been allowed to have holiday - despite the fact that everyone else has and i cant do it anymore. i work all the time, the results are unbelievable and they wont acknowledge it with even a thankyou. my son is suffering as if i am available for him, i am too tired and stressed to cope and my friends frequently tell me i look exhausted and stressed. i am so sorry for the long rant but i dont know what to do. i dont want to go back to what i was doing before but i have only been here six months. please help me.

prettyfly1 Sun 09-Sep-07 12:50:22

please excuse my typos. not illiterate - just stressed.

Carmenere Sun 09-Sep-07 12:51:17

That sounds like constructive dismissal to me. NO ONE could work under those conditions.

prettyfly1 Sun 09-Sep-07 12:53:13

i cant bear it. i stay up late at night because i know when i get up i have to go to work.

ruddynorah Sun 09-Sep-07 12:53:21

are you looking for a new job? i can't undrestand how you're balancing this with being a single mum too. how did the company seem at interview?

prettyfly1 Sun 09-Sep-07 12:55:32

he has also told me that i shouldnt be doing my university work (on a day my assignments were due in) of an evening at home - the company is more important and i dont need a degree anyway - its a waste of time. th eother girl in the ofice works longer hours then me but she doesnt have a family.

motherinferior Sun 09-Sep-07 12:56:46

Ring the EOC helpline PRONTO. I'd be surprised, actually, if you can't take them to the cleaners.

prettyfly1 Sun 09-Sep-07 12:58:28

i didnt want to move originally - i kept hoping that if i tried harder they would be happier. i cant balance everything. i feel like such a failure and yet i know logically its not my fault. i have never been so tired but they dont acknowledge that my son is iomportant - they have wives to do all that and dont understand whats involved. At the interview the md seemed a bit quirky but mainly just entusiastic. i knew it would be hard work but not this and there were so many promises - none of which have been kept. they constructively dismissed the person i replaced and told me he never did any work and was rubbish - now i know why.

prettyfly1 Sun 09-Sep-07 12:58:54

whats the eoc.

singingmum Sun 09-Sep-07 13:00:12

Sexual harrasment
Bullying at work
Unfair pay/no pay
Unfair work hours
And what amounts to constuctive dismissal
I realise that your stressed and when stressed we all tend to not think straight,but,scrubbing toilets or wiping bums would surely be preferable to what you are suffering now.Go see CAB or one of the many work orginisations who are out there and get help.
These people have realised like any bullies that you are an easy target.Don't be walked on get help and leave.
Oh and I'd def see a solicitor in the long run due to the stress and strain they have caused

ruddynorah Sun 09-Sep-07 13:00:28

can you somehow get to speak to the person you replaced? see what their experience was?

do you have a contract? what does this say about your pay and conditions?

SufferingSuccotash Sun 09-Sep-07 13:02:11

Sounds dreadful! They are taking the p*ss, I would find another job.......


Carmenere Sun 09-Sep-07 13:04:15

You are an educated and articulate woman, they cannot treat you like this. I would get signed off sick with stress for a while and look for another position and I would turn my efforts on bringing a case for constructive dismissal and sexual harassment. You don't have to go in there tomorrow, do you hear me?.

prettyfly1 Sun 09-Sep-07 13:08:47

no chance of speaking to the old guy - i tried that. i have started to apply for new jobs but what do i say to them about the experience here? i am scared of looking like a trouble maker or litigator and dont want a bad refernece. I even started smoking again after not touching them for eighteen months.

Chickhick Sun 09-Sep-07 13:35:04

You don't have length of service for a constructive dismissal claim. You need to have been employed for 12 months.

I do feel you have grounds for a sex discrimination claim but bear in mind that it will be stressful. You sound far too good for the company I would leave and look for something else at least you have gained really good experience there by being thrown in at the deep end.

KD73 Sun 09-Sep-07 13:40:22

Pretty Fly 1, I am sorry to hear of your experience.

You need to get out sooner rather than later, take advice as per Singing mum but consider carefully the implications of taking action for future employers.

I found myself in a similarly unpleasant situation years ago, you are unlikely to turn this situation around and it is likely to erode any confidence you have.

Try and get yourself a new job without revealing how unpleasant your current situation is (it counted against me in the long run after I confessed).

Good luck with your search, your gain will be their loss

flowerybeanbag Sun 09-Sep-07 16:57:45

prettyfly so sorry you are having such a nightmare.
You may well have a good case for sex discrimination - as Chickhick says you don't have the length of service for anything else.
You say you are exhausted and stressed. TBH I would probably advise against bringing a claim in your case. It will be enormously stressful and emotionally draining, and although it is important that people do bring cases against people like this, there is no need for you to be a hero and 'do the right thing' if it is not the best thing for you to do.
You could take a trip to see someone at the CAB who could probably talk you through your situation, and as I say, if you want to bring a claim you would probably have a good chance of success based on what you say.
However I think it may well be best for you to focus your energies on getting out of a toxic situation as quickly as possible so that you can look positively towards your future.
In the meantime consider going to the doctor and getting signed off with stress in the meantime. And rest assured that a future employer can ask your current employer in a reference about how much time you have had off but cannot ask what for, that is sensitive information, so if you didn't want a future employer to know that, you wouldn't necessarily have to tell them.
Take care of yourself

prettyfly1 Sun 09-Sep-07 17:53:47

thanks for the messages ladies. it is true that i cant face the idea of tribunal. i would rather just leave and ironically i think i just found my job advertised on another site ( iheard them discussing making me leave after teh director said i sent HIM a rude email - thats why he didnt want them to talk to me about it. ) i jsut feel sick every minute of every day and right now i cant even function for the anxiety in the pit of my stomach. one i forgot to mention was my boss singing about me being fat and monitoring everything i eat (apparently i will never get a man as a single parent if i am overweight as well). i cant get signed off sick as the money for stat sick pay wouldnt cover my bills. my doctor already offered. Thats not necessarily a bad thing tho as the only day off i had was last week with my baby.

callmeovercautious Sun 09-Sep-07 18:01:29

Get out now. I have worked for a similar sounding boss (infact I thought it may be the same one for a while!).
Find anything that will cover the bills and run for the hills. Your mental health is far more important.

Once you are out you can look into a case but it is a lot of stress and do you really want to be involved with them ever again?

FloriaTosca Sun 09-Sep-07 18:11:04

When on stat sick pay you can claim lots of other housing and council tax type benefits or so I believe... I would definately get signed off sick, then they can't dismiss you without you having yet another provable issue to add to the pile at a tribunal.

TheArmadillo Sun 09-Sep-07 18:17:13

go to CAB - find out exactly what all the possibilities are e.g. taking them to a tribunal, going off sick, leaving for another job.

Find out exactly what would happen if you took each of these options. E.g. if you went off sick exactly how much money you would be entitled to and whether you could claim benefits.

Then make your descision.

But you know you can't carry on in this job.

Is there any job agencies around you that could find you temporary or permanent work quickly if you decide just to leave? If you don't have time to pop in and see them, many offer an email/phone service.

prettyfly1 Sun 09-Sep-07 18:18:34

i will look into that tomorrow then. you are right about any old job to pay the bills as well - started applying so lets just hope!

TheArmadillo Sun 09-Sep-07 18:20:02

I hope you get something sorted as quickly as possible. smile

flowerybeanbag Sun 09-Sep-07 19:25:48

prettyfly do keep us updated, it's a horrible situation you are in, let us know how things are going or just come on for a whinge if you need to, and certainly if you need any help.

WideWebWitch Sun 09-Sep-07 19:28:18

Poor you. It doesn't matter if they're run by a family or the Queen, they still have to comply with employment law.

Start documenting everything, now. Ideally put some of your 'concerns' in writing to them. With any luck they'll be stupid enough to confirm some of them, giving you more ammunition.

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