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Should I tell work that I want to get pregnant?

(36 Posts)
fluffyanimal Wed 05-Sep-07 09:33:19

This is a bit of a dilemma for me. The obvious answer would probably be NO, but the situation is this. i work at a university and my department has been through some hard times and has just been merged with another one, so we have a lot of new procedures to learn. Plus this year we will be working on a completely new curriculum for next academic year (sept 2008) so next year will be challenging too. We have just learned that one of my colleagues is about to take early retirement on health grounds so we are desperately trying to find a replacement at short notice. One other colleague is new this year and learning the ropes. The last of my colleagues has just relinquished a very stressful Head of Departmentship and has been promised a research sabbatical in sept 08. So here's the thing. DH and I want to have another baby, and as I'm not getting any younger we want to start trying soon, so if all goes to plan I'm quite likely to be on maternity leave for the sept 08 academic year. If that happens, the staff will consist of one old timer, two new colleagues and two temporary replacements for me and the one on sabbatical. Not ideal for introducing a new curriculum.

What with all the changes to the curriculum, to staffing and to admin structures (which was basically to save us from being closed down) we have a lot to prove to management, and we are constantly being asked about our plans for 08 and beyond. Should I tell my colleagues what DH and I are planning, so that they can plan accordingly, or should I leave it until / if I get pregnant? I'm feeling really guilty at the moment because they all seem to rely on me as a point of stability and as someone who knows what to do.

expatinscotland Wed 05-Sep-07 09:34:07

No. Why? Because no telling what the future holds.

Don't cross bridges till you come to them.

LaCod Wed 05-Sep-07 09:34:54

GOD NO
HWO ODD

coggy Wed 05-Sep-07 09:35:37

No.....if I'd told my work when we decided to start ttc they'd still be waiting now nearly 8 years later!!!! sad

BecauseImWorthIt Wed 05-Sep-07 09:35:50

No don't tell them. At this stage you have no idea how long it's going to take you to get pregnant.

Don't feel guilty about this - you're contributing a lot as it stands at the moment and would continue to do so I would guess.

And who knows how the situation will change in the next 6 months? Worst case scenario is that you get 'written off' if you reveal your plans now. I know that sounds harsh, but you still need everyone to think you're focussed on your role rather than getting/being pregnant. Sorry if that sounds cynical, but I've seen it happen!

elliott Wed 05-Sep-07 09:37:55

No, you have no idea what will happen. They probably suspect you are likely to have another child anyway (if you already have one) so you won't be telling them anything they don't realise. Anyway, its not as if they can actually do anything differently if they know, is it? Except try to push you out?

slim22 Wed 05-Sep-07 09:38:58

no. For all the reasons below.

ForgetfulFaerie Wed 05-Sep-07 09:40:05

Oh no, don't tell them. They'll be patiently waiting and every time you look a funny way they will sak you if you're up the duff.

If my SIL had told work, they'd still be waiting now and she's been trying for 6 years.

TigerFeet Wed 05-Sep-07 09:41:11

god, no, don't say anything

quite apart from all the reasons already given, if everyone knows you are ttc they will constantly ask you how you are getting on which will do your head in, especially if it takes longer than you hope.

SauerKraut Wed 05-Sep-07 09:42:54

No way. It will be the head of department's tough titty, surely, to organise a replacement.

meowmix Wed 05-Sep-07 09:43:06

no no no no no

don't add more stress on yourself.

expatinscotland Wed 05-Sep-07 09:44:32

If that department closed down, they'd street you without a second thought. So why risk rocking the boat for something that may or may not happen and if it does, you can't say when?

LyraBelacqua Wed 05-Sep-07 09:46:43

One of my colleagues told people at work that i was ttc and it was a big fat pain in the arse. Don't tell them till you have to.

Baffy Wed 05-Sep-07 09:47:04

Agree with everyone else

You can't predict the future. Only tell them if and when it happens.

Until then all you can do is work hard and do the best for your department. They will cope no matter what.

Surfermum Wed 05-Sep-07 09:47:17

I was asked to apply for a job to project manage something (NHS), I said no and explained that I was hoing to get pg. It was a 12 month post and I didn't think it was fair to take on a role like that and possibly not be able to see it through. I know it might never have happened, but at the time it didn't feel the right move for me. I think with hindsight, it was a bit of an excuse as I wasn't in the right headspace to be taking anything new on (2 mcs).

I think in your case though I'd not say anything.

flowerybeanbag Wed 05-Sep-07 09:52:04

Don't tell them. Firstly you don't know how long it may take you to conceive, so it wouldn't really assist with planning anyway.
Secondly, it is hard when you feel responsible at work, and feel guilty, a lot of mothers feel like this when they go off on maternity leave and leave work 'in the lurch'.
But the bottom line is when it comes to getting pregnant and taking all the benefits you are entitled to, you have to think of yourself first. Nobody is indispensable at work. Hard to believe but it is true. Your team will be absolutely fine, and telling them will only mean they are constantly waiting (and asking) for you to get pregnant, which is destabilising in itself.
Go on providing stability in the workplace as long as you can, and when you do get pregnant you will have plenty of time to do a thorough handover, write lots of notes giving all your useful knowledge, and recruit a good maternity cover.
Good luck with ttc!

teasle Wed 05-Sep-07 09:54:59

I agree with everyone else

missbumpy Wed 05-Sep-07 10:49:47

I agree with the general consensus here. You'd be mad to tell them.

fluffyanimal Wed 05-Sep-07 11:01:05

Thanks everyone. I know you're right, I just needed some support to convince me. I just feel like such a heel when we're all sitting planning stuff like research collaborations and they're saying "Fluffy can do X Y and Z" and I'm nodding in agreement when I'm hoping I won't be there. It's hard when colleagues are friends and we've all bonded through the tough times recently. Elliot you are right, they probably do silently know anyway I'm likely to have another child

ska Wed 05-Sep-07 11:04:07

i haven't even read the thread but NO, NO, NO!

horrifiedmum Wed 05-Sep-07 12:48:49

Worst thing you could do - trying for a baby (and it could be for a long time) is personal to you both.

aloha Wed 05-Sep-07 12:50:03

Are you completely mad? Of course you shouldn't.

LIZS Wed 05-Sep-07 13:01:37

Nooo ! I got a long overdue promotion and got pg that month !

NKF Wed 05-Sep-07 13:02:21

No. Absolutely not. Don't even think about it.

mears Wed 05-Sep-07 13:07:12

Absolutely not.

You may well want to have a baby in September but you may not concieve when you hope.

You may be disappointed to find that you are still there!

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