Need advice desperately

(6 Posts)
Mumtobe32 Mon 17-Feb-20 03:27:44

Hello I’m new smile And just looking for a bit of advice I sometimes think talking to complete strangers can give you a whole new perspective.

So my situation is I’ve recently started a new job as a senior night care assistant back in October. Everything was fine up until the point in December when my dad died one week before Christmas of course I phoned my manager and apologised and asked for bereavement leave as I was in no fit state to come in to work they gave me a week off with pay.

My boss did phone me a day before I was due back and asked if I was okay to come back I said yes mainly because it was a new job and I didn’t want it to look like I was haveing a lot of time off. However hand on heart I wasn’t ready to go back my first night back I kept breaking down even though my deputy manager was okay and did say not to worry about your job your part of our team with it she did more or less imply that everyone has things going on at home and that that’s where I should leave it. However I wasn’t sleeping at night trying to plan a funeral and try sort out my dads things this is all while doing 48 hours a week on night shift.

I started making stupid mistakes at work such as medication errors none of them were serious fortunatelysad .I also wasn’t keeping on top of paperwork. I ended having to take a week of work due to me being so run down with the flu.during that week my manager went round asking if I planned to come back even though I provided a sick note from my doctor.

Last week I was pulled into a meeting by my manager who basically said she felt like she’d let me down because she doesn’t think I’ve been trained properly and would like to work with me for two shifts to see where I’m going so wrong she also mentioned that I was still under probation and didn’t want me to lose my job. This meeting took place two days before my fathers funeral which of course has stressed and upset me enough without having the meeting I’m due to go back to work tommrow but honestly not sure what to do should I quit? Or stay the threat of ending my probation has made me worry all week to the point I’m not sleeping.

It also made it complicated by the fact I’m 4 weeks pregnant I’m terrified of a miscarriage and also afraid to tell my manager. My probation will pass in April and I don’t plan on telling work till I’m around 12-16 weeks if I make it I’m now worried about losing. My job while pregnant and also having to go in the office and tell my manager. I have spoke to my partner who has said stick it out till maternity then look for something after we both unfortunately live with our parents and would like to save up and move out which is easy on the job I’m in.

I have done care work for a long time and this has seriously made me doubt myself and it’s got to the point I’m unsure what to do.

Any advice is honestly going to be helpful I will also mention this is a very well paid job however there is a lot of back stabbing at the company

OP’s posts: |
SD1978 Mon 17-Feb-20 03:33:13

They sound alike they are trying to be supportive- there has been quite a significant time between the passing of your dad (I'm sorry to hear that) and the funeral, and in that time you say yourself that there have been multiple medication errors and documentation failures. You're on probation and instead of letting you go, your boss is clearly trying to help you to be able to stay. Either you want to or not is your choice. Many people work physical jobs in healthcare whilst pregnant. A physical job doesn't make you more likely to miscarry, do you work with aggressive patients? They do sound like they are trying to help, it's up to you if you choose to take that help.

Mumtobe32 Mon 17-Feb-20 03:43:07

Hi thanks for replying my fathers funeral was Tuesday just gone. The meeting was last Sunday which was two days before my fathers funeral I understand there trying to help. However can not stop the worry some of the residents can be very challenging and even though the manager makes endless promises to move them on she won’t due to them being private paying residents.

I do feel like I’ve let my manager down however I’m not the only senior who’s made medication errors but I am the only new one the others have been there ten plus years also don’t work as many hours as me. I do think I have dropped the ball with the paperwork however there is a lack of staff there should be four I’ve been working with 3.

When I took the job it was very rushed I was trained by the girl that was leaving and when I asked her why she replied “I would find out”. It feels like I can’t do much right I also have explained about my mental health since coming back which they knew I was struggling with the manager did explain she had a lot of sympathy as her father died the previous year and she took 6 months of to grieve. My dad has been gone 8 weeks and I only took one week off.
I will go back and try what she tells me however feel I’ll still be doing wrong no matter what I do.

OP’s posts: |
TalaxuArmiuna Mon 17-Feb-20 05:03:36

so sorry for your loss flowers

it isn't wrong or surprising to fall to pieces a bit when a parent dies. it's an event that is world-shattering. it is going to take time to pull through. don't rush it, there is no timetable for grief.

obviously you still need to support yourself. your employers may be decent sympathetic people who can cut you some slack for being sub par during the worst of it and support you to get through, but even so they can't ignore the safety of residents so can't actually let serious performance issues slide without a review. I hope this is what is happening but it was incredibly insensitive of them to schedule that meeting for 2 days before the funeral.

OR, they may be not trying to be decent, not be able or willing to make any allowance for what is going on, and be intending to manage you out.

tbh I can't tell from the info you've given which of these two scenarios is happening but what I do know is that if it's the latter then the employers would be destined to be utterly terrible to work for in the long run, so having a crisis like this in probation could almost be seen as a blessing, in that it's an early warning that these are horrible people and getting out of there swiftly is best all round. therefore I advise trying to cultivate a zen-like calm about the possibility of this management process costing you the job - because if they aren't supportive and flexible and wanting to help you, then you don't want to be there either, so this process is actually a test for them to pass or fail.

separately, I would advise taking a deep breath and trying not to overthink the pregnancy situation. at 4 weeks it is far too early days to be making any specific plans or telling anyone who doesn't need to know for safety reasons. 4 weeks pg means it has been 4 weeks since your last period. you will have plenty of time for planning and decisions when the time comes.

filka Mon 17-Feb-20 05:40:48

I think that if they are already one person (25%) down in the team then they may be thinking that a bit of training and monitoring may be a better option that letting you go and being 2 people down until they can recruit again.

Timing is obviously not great, but unfortunately it is what it is. Two months seems a very long time for a funeral, even allowing for Christmas etc.

Were you making medication & paperwork mistakes before your father died, or in previous care positions, or do you think you can genuinely attribute it to either the stress of your father's passing, or the pressure of being in an under-staffed team? Either way you need to work out how to get a grip on it if you are to keep your job.

Weffiepops Mon 17-Feb-20 07:33:27

It sounds like this isn't the right job for you long term but in the short term, you're pregnant and if you leave now you won't qualify for full maternity benefits. I would be open and honest and say you're really really sorry for the mistakes, you will do your very best in the future and then try your best on every shift from now on. They are just wanting you to improve and not make mistakes. If you're getting medication wrong you are a liability and risk serious damage to residents and the companies reputation. I get that this is a tough time after your dads death but you need to see it from their side too.
Spend time away from work taking care of yourself, meditation yoga long baths, long walks, exercise, talk with friends, then at work do your very best. You need to get through this blip, good luck thanks

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