hate my job/struggling with severe anxiety

(10 Posts)
Bekindplp Wed 11-Dec-19 13:13:40

I have been struggling with work anxiety for about a year.. I have been signed off twice this year! Once for five months after a bullying comments by a colleague. The colleague screamed and insulted me too. I then returned for three months and raised a grievance against that colleague which is still has not gone to a hearing. Then the HR advisor shouted at me for emailing her a few times about an update and told me I have to wait until the new year as she only works two days. I've been redeployed temporarily to work 9-5 mon-fri which means I don't get home until 7pm, makes it harder with my anxiety as I used to work shifts and have days off during the week. I hate going out the weekends as everywhere is busy and this increases my anxiety so i didn't go out for two months now except to work. The new office is also hot-desk/open plan and again this increases my anxiety as I never know where I will sit/if i will get a desk.

The uncertainty about job is also impacting on my mental health/anxiety.

I was physically sick last monday morning and my partner emailed my manager and dreading going back to work. I have a G.p appointment later but i don't even know what support to ask the g.p. Terrified of being sacked.

I am looking for another job but as yet no luck and it's very hard to attend interviews when you work 9-5 mon-fri and you've used up all your annual to avoid going into work.

Has anyone got any hints tips on how to deal with my anxiety at work ?
I can't decide what to do?
1. Take a career break
2. Go back on a phased return
3. Resign
4. Take a sabbatical/unpaid leave for 3-6m?
5. Request redeployment/secondment (I doubt anyone will hire me with my sick record)

Is is all I ever think about. I find it impossible to "switch off"...

I have been there for 6 years and it has changed so much and I actually hate it.

Please help me to feel better

OP’s posts: |
Bekindplp Wed 11-Dec-19 13:22:12

Fyi, I am not interested in persuing a grievance - I dont have the mental or physical capacity to take this on which means I am highly likely to lose my permanent job (not that i would want to return to that toxic environment).

Not sure how long i can remain in the temporary post for. I've also been assigned a new manager who i hear isn't very pleasant.

OP’s posts: |
Booogbuster Sat 21-Dec-19 09:02:38

Gosh I'm so sorry no one has bothered to reply to your post so didn't want to read and run

Wish I could offer some valuable advice but if truth be told I'm in exactly the same predicament as you (was really tripy reading actually 🤣)

What's worse is my relationship has broken down, I'm deep in debt and facing homelessness

I've finally been able to convince my gp to refer me for counselling (currently on a very loooong waiting list but getting there) and will be going on for career advice with skills development Scotland (do you have any service like that in your county)

strictlymomdancing Sat 21-Dec-19 12:08:51

Can you ask for a referral to be made to occupational health to help determine some potential adjustments or solutions that could work for you?

WLmum Sat 21-Dec-19 15:41:20

They are being unfair to you in making you wait so long to progress the grievance. The policy should say so thing about time frames.
If you can possibly be brave enough, I would ask them for a 'without prejudice' conversation and tell them you don't think it's working - they don't seem to be progressing your grievance and you are not keen on the temporary arrangements but don't see how you can go back to the bullying environment. Also the HR advisor needs to know she's in the firing line for a grievance too - shouting at you for asking for updates is totally unacceptable!
The upshot being that you would like them to offer you a settlement agreement. Ask for a minimum of twice your notice period in pay, and to be allowed to leave immediately. Alternatively ask them to put you on paid garden leave for twice your stated notice period. Both options give you paid time to job hunt.
The worst they can say is no, but 'without prejudice' means they can't hold it against you.

daisychain01 Sat 21-Dec-19 20:47:56

The upshot being that you would like them to offer you a settlement agreement. Ask for a minimum of twice your notice period in pay, and to be allowed to leave immediately. Alternatively ask them to put you on paid garden leave for twice your stated notice period. Both options give you paid time to job hunt.

This is completely unrealistic and will be ignored even more readily than the grievance. Whyever should they pay twice the OPs notice period?!

WLmum Sun 22-Dec-19 22:02:30

It might be ignored or if they want to make the situation go away they might agree to negotiate.

daisychain01 Mon 23-Dec-19 03:31:53

@WLmum they would have no incentive to negotiate, you're only viewing this from the OPs perspective, not the employers'. What you're proposing would lack all credibility.

The OP has not been able to put their broader concerns and desired outcomes into a formal grievance, so they could just keep up the delay tactics and feign ignorance. Kick it into the long grass. Stranger things have happened.

OP I doubt the grievance about the colleague will have any bearing on your overall situation. Keep applying for new jobs, if your leave year starts in January, you can start to attend interviews after Christmas.

Hoolahlah66 Mon 23-Dec-19 03:53:54

This sounds like a similar situation to me. I was being discriminated against and bullied by a new manager who successfully managed to ‘manage out’ my other colleagues. I also suffer from anxiety and depression which I always managed quite well, in that I only had one period of sickness leave as a result in the 6 years I was employed by them.

Unfortunately an incident happened at work which brought everything to a head and I could no longer work there through no fault of my own.

I drafted a without prejudice letter to my HR and outlined all of the incidents where I had been discriminated against due to pregnancy mental health and bullying (I had a lot of them). After a short investigation their end they agreed to terminate my employment and paid me 2/3 of my annual salary in compensation on the proviso I left the company and didn’t raise a formal grievance or go to tribunal.

If you feel you have a strong enough reason to do this then I would go for it. There are plenty of examples and templates online and I only needed a solicitor to sign off the termination agreement (I think this is a legal requirement). Good luck and I hope you get some peace of mind and clarity soon, I empathise with you wholeheartedly.

Hoolahlah66 Mon 23-Dec-19 03:59:26

I would add that bullying isn’t an offence worthy of payout or tribunal so I would avoid using that terminology too much. The angle you would come from is that they haven’t made reasonable adjustments for you and your mental health concerns, thus treating you unfairly and discriminating against you.

It is hard work to do something like this and it helps if you do lots of research and put together a water tight without prejudice letter. Companies do not want the bad press and will normally settle for a reasonable amount, call their bluff.

I’ve been there and going into an environment where you feel unwanted on a daily basis is gut wrenching. Hang in there.

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