Gaslighting at work

(10 Posts)
Chocolonely Sat 16-Nov-19 11:19:38

Won’t give the whole back story but I work in a dysfunctional team. Head of the team won’t acknowledge it and blames everyone else when issues occur. A colleague has just walked out with no job to go to as says it is affecting their mental health.
Got pulled up for not doing something, but at meeting the day before I raised an issue with task, took action to solve and then solved it. Head complained that didn’t want solution by email and I should have raised this at meeting, which I did! Is making out I didn’t raise this, despite others being at meeting and got very angry with me saying I am not capable.
I have a really good reputation and known for being good at my job, but head is now saying doubts I have capabilities needed.
Am tempted to start summarising actions and emailing after meetings, this drives Head crazy though and also asks that nothing be put in writing.
Any tips on strategies?

OP’s posts: |
HundredMilesAnHour Sat 16-Nov-19 13:57:27

The Head asks that nothing is put in writing? Unless you work for the secret service, that's very weird.

I think you absolutely have to minute these meetings.

Chocolonely Sat 16-Nov-19 15:32:11

They say that they think email is a waste of time and and a blocker so they prefer that we either talk at meetings, use WhatsApp or phone. Asks that we don’t spend much time on email and very rarely responds to emails.

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turnaroundbrighteyes Sat 16-Nov-19 15:37:37

Can you go to their boss with your concerns?

Chocolonely Sat 16-Nov-19 16:14:46

I am thinking about doing that, but worried I will be ‘punished’. The Head tells everyone to speak with them and doesn’t want us going over their head etc. It sure how effective their boss is either! Good suggestion though, I may pursue it. Thank you.

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Chocolonely Sat 16-Nov-19 16:29:26

Meant to type ‘I’m not sure how effective their boss is either!’

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turnaroundbrighteyes Sat 16-Nov-19 18:27:39

Nothing to lose so long as you ask for your conversation to be totally off the record. Bosses boss can either ignore or look into your bosses performance. Sounds like you've gone as far as you can with the direct approach


EggysMom Sat 16-Nov-19 20:26:06

they think email is a waste of time and and a blocker so they prefer that we either talk at meetings,

That's fine, have the conversations at meetings; and then email a summary of what was discusssed. Whether they want to acknowledge or respond to that email is up to them, you're not looking for a response, you're simply issuing a note or minutes from the meeting.

Chocolonely Sun 17-Nov-19 11:54:10

Thank you for your suggestions, really helpful.

OP’s posts: |
OneShotLattePlease Sun 17-Nov-19 20:58:02

I have experienced similar. You say the team is dysfunctional. Have you researched gaslighting at work and bullying at work? It sounds like you may have a toxic Head and you should consider whether you want to “challenge” them at all. You already mentioned punishment - they will “get you back”. Honestly it may be easier to look for a new job, the Head sounds awful and you may be the new “target”.

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