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Advice on how to handle this

(6 Posts)
WiggleWoo2 Fri 12-Jul-19 17:48:26

I've just started a new job, and pretty sure I'm not going to be kept on after probation.

I recently got married and seem to be on 'baby watch'. No less than four colleagues have asked me if I'm planning on having children soon. I feel paranoid, that maybe they're asking this to see if I'm going to go on maternity leave? And thinking a recently married woman is a huge risk to the business? One man even asked me my age and said 'clock is ticking', and another said I must be thinking about it.

I don't want children right now, I don't know if I ever will or if I can. But it's making me uncomfortable, as if people think the only reason to marry is to have kids or something.

I can't speak to HR as the manager is one of the people who has made comments / asked questions. I know they just think I'm a huge risk - apparently they've had no one go on maternity leave in years.

daisychain01 Sat 13-Jul-19 06:16:37

They sound like they're living back in the dark ages.

Quite frankly if they want to let you go during probation they will find a way, and leave you with the burden of proving it was discriminatory.

Presumably you found out (or announced) that you were pg after they made the decision to employ you?

daisychain01 Sat 13-Jul-19 06:21:33

Apologies, I posted incorrectly, you've mentioned you aren't pg, but they're speculating how long it will be before you are.

Quite frankly that's disgraceful and discriminatory, they have no right to speculate about something so personal that's none of their business. That's humiliating for you,

I would take the matter formally to HR (irrespective that they are a ringleader) because it would give them the message you don't find it acceptable, and actually, they may think twice about letting you go just for that reason. You are protected from discrimination from Day 1

trinity0097 Sat 13-Jul-19 15:42:59

This is quite normal where people are just trying to have a conversation, it’s a way in and what countless of newly married people up and down the country get asked. For many it’s a natural next step. For others it’s not, but it doesn’t stop people assuming/asking.

daisychain01 Sun 14-Jul-19 05:16:42

Sorry what's "normal" about people in a workplace speculating about a female worker's private plans as to when they decide to have children. What business is it of people who are there to do a job and get paid for it, just as the OP is.

Please let's differentiate between a conversation that one might have with your friends in the pub, and the professional workplace where there are legal implications of discrimination due to people arbitrarily placing a timeframe around when an employee might go off on maternity leave and therefore " we don't want to give x that responsibility, they'll be off having babies before you know it".

daisychain01 Sun 14-Jul-19 05:20:31

it’s a way in and what countless of newly married people up and down the country get asked

Everyday sexism - normalising conversations that only ever impact women. How many men have to suffer the proddings and pokings of people who feel they have license to ask nosey intrusive questions about their private life?

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