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I don't know what to do now - MH breakdown

(22 Posts)
Samaranian Wed 10-Jul-19 19:02:44

I started a new job 4 months ago and I hate it.

I've always been good at my role and moved to this company for progression and I can't do anything right. Constantly getting micromanaged and nitpicked and I have no clear guidelines of what to do but then whatever I do is then wrong. The culture is aggressive and competetitve, I haven't gelled with the team despite trying my absolute hardest. I've been trying and trying and now I've come home and had an absolute breakdown. Hysterically crying, I haven't eaten for three days because I feel so anxious all the time about the next thing I'm going to do wrong. I felt like I couldn't breathe at one point.

We can't live without my wage.

What do I do now?

I've been applying for jobs and do have an interview next week but in the meantime I don't even know how to face tomorrow. If I call in sick I'll get the Spanish inquisition and I can't face that either.

I'm so stuck.

Babyroobs Wed 10-Jul-19 22:13:09

This is awful and I can relate to it . I too started a new job four months ago and have felt highly anxious and broken down in front of my team leader ( embarassingly). I am just starting to feel a bit better about the job now and have had a couple of interviews. To be honest with you I would get signed off by your Dr just to give you some breathing space. If you end up ill then you wont be able to work at all. Does your company have any mental health champions or wellbeing support at all / anyone you could talk to. I hope you feel stronger soon.

fia101 Wed 10-Jul-19 22:17:01

Life is too short for a job to do this to you.

Is there anything at all you think you can do to improve things? Speak to your boss?

Sometimes though you just need to cut your losses and move on. You're doing the right thing in starting to see what is out there for you. It'll give you hope and occupy your time. Good luck with the interview next week!

allthewaytorenooo Wed 10-Jul-19 23:24:01

I'm leaving after 11 weeks in my current job for exactly the same reason.

Just go.

Headstand Wed 10-Jul-19 23:26:19

Honestly, better to leave now than be miserable for a middle term. There is no shame in a job not working out. Sometimes it just doesn't. Your mental health is much more important than your job. See your GP for some support as well.

Singlenotsingle Wed 10-Jul-19 23:27:49

It looks like you're doing all you can, OP!Grit your teeth and just keep on applying for a new job. Good luck.

cheeseislife8 Wed 10-Jul-19 23:44:41

This happened to me a couple of years ago, and after much fretting I just quit and I have no regrets whatsoever. Nothing is worth compromising your mental health. Get out and take care of yourself flowers

Samaranian Thu 11-Jul-19 05:54:14

Thank you everyone.

I've barely slept. I'm sitting here shaking, my heart is pounding and my stomach is churning. I have an offsite meeting this morning and then I think I'm going to go into the office, tell my manager I'm taking the rest of the week off as I seem to be having some sort of breakdown and also hand my resignation in. I can't do this anymore 😢

NotMaryWhitehouse Thu 11-Jul-19 06:19:19

Your poor thing. Honestly, I would do exactly what you've just suggested. It's just not worth it. Call all the temp agencies you can as soon as poss and let them know you're available for work shortly- that way if they say you can go without working your notice, you'll be covered for the money.

Emelene Thu 11-Jul-19 07:41:55

Would it be worth seeing your GP and going on sick pay rather than resigning? To buy you some breathing space. Sounds so tough OP. Take care of yourself. thanks

Samaranian Thu 11-Jul-19 18:19:50

Well, I resigned.

Just have to hope that I get a job within the next few weeks and then normal service can resume minus the crippling anxiety and panic attacks.

Headstand Thu 11-Jul-19 18:42:41

Well done for being so brave and taking the plunge. Make sure to take care of yourself tonight.

Babyroobs Thu 11-Jul-19 21:24:28

Please take some time to recover before starting job hunting, it sounds like you need some time to rest. Well done on being brave enough to make a change.

Headstand Thu 11-Jul-19 21:59:50

Also leaving a short time on CV isn't always a bad thing. Better to be able to say "I left as the job was not as described" or "when I arrived, it became clear that it wasn't a good cultural fit" or anything you like really can sound very reasonable rather than being somewhere 11 months or 14 months but having no real story as to why you left. Good luck in your next move. Put this behind you, give it no more time of day and move forward.

NotMaryWhitehouse Tue 16-Jul-19 14:58:20

How's it going now @Samaranian ? Hope you've had a more restful few days

Samaranian Wed 17-Jul-19 17:29:28

@NotMaryWhitehouse thanks for checking in 😊 I had a nice few days at home readjusting, getting house admin done, caught up on ironing etc and started to feel much better except for worrying about bills next month!

Thankfully I started a temp job today - just basic administration at a much lower rate than I was on before but it's very easy and everyone is really nice so I think this will do me good to get some confidence back after that hell hole!!!

Looking back now I can't believe how toxic it was! Here's to hoping I find a job back in my qualified profession at a decent organisation soon!

prettywoman25 Wed 17-Jul-19 18:32:34

smile

AntiHop Wed 17-Jul-19 18:35:23

Well done op. flowers

Babyroobs Wed 17-Jul-19 19:40:15

Well done . Hope things work out for you. I have come home this evening sobbing from a toxic job and am going to ring in sick tomorrow and re-evaluate things.

Samaranian Wed 17-Jul-19 20:01:48

@babyroobs

If you can, even if it means things will be a struggle, honestly - just leave.

Its only been 5 days and I feel so much more like myself already. I can't believe how bad I had gotten, I had lost all my confidence, thiyght I was rubbish and a bad person, thought even my dogs hated me, just wanted to lie down and cry and now I feel content with a fresh outlook on life and ready to take on whatever comes next.

Work isn't the be all and end all, even though I take pride in my work and am ambitious, but something as silly as work shouldn't have you coming home sobbing.

I hope you find the strength to get through it, whatever you decide flowers

Babyroobs Wed 17-Jul-19 20:43:00

Thanks Samaranian - I really needed someone to say that. I was offered my old job back last week and turned it down stupidly but have messaged my old boss back and I think he may give me a chance to go back there.

Samaranian Wed 17-Jul-19 20:53:01

I stupidly turned down a few interviews in the first few weeks at my last job, I felt like I had to be loyal to them even though they treated me like dirt, which was stupid. I knew from day one that it wasn't right but kept punishing myself by going in!

I phoned my mum up crying AGAIN last week before I left and she just said... You're just doing this to yourself. Why do you keep going in every morning to get treated like that? And she was right. I take it you enjoyed your old job if you are considering going back? If I was you I would definitely call in sick for the rest of the week and really think about what you want.

Your health, mental and physical is the most important thing. There will always be jobs out there that will cover the bills but you can't get the time you spent crying back!!

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