Should I stay or go?

(9 Posts)
Leavingthebeginning Sun 30-Jun-19 22:07:23

I’ve been a civil servant for over 25 years. Moved into a new role four months ago with a new line manger who for various reasons has seriously triggered my anxiety. It’s been horrendous. She is aware, but has no idea or interest in helping me to manage this. I don’t enjoy the job and I think this would be the case regardless of shit manager.

I’m thinking of leaving and having a six month break before looking for something locally, my current commute is an hour and half each way which I could also do without.

Has anyone else ever done anything like this? Part of methinks I’d be mad to give up a well paid job with a decent pension, but I have never been this unhappy genuinely and life is too short to live in this kind of misery. I have enough savings to keep me alive for a year if I didn’t find something.

Any advice?

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DontPressSendTooSoon Mon 01-Jul-19 08:46:07

I walked out of a newish job last year. It turned out to be the right thing eventually as I'm now in a better job, but OMG being out of work and feeling like I'd made a mess of my career was one of the most stressful experiences I've ever been through. So be aware that the stress of being out if work particularly if you're used to stability, can be equal to or exceed your current stress.

However, you're playing a long game. If you're going to seek better opportunities think of it as short term pain for longer term gain. Is it out of the question to stay where you are but seek a new job to move to? If you know you're leaving this may lessen the anxiety a little?

Leavingthebeginning Mon 01-Jul-19 08:58:56

Thanks for replying.

To be honest I’m at the point now where it’s making me ill. I’m thinking a six month break that I can use as some thinking time might be best all round. How do I explain this in interviews though? Is this likely to hinder future employment?

I’m torn between some serious self care which is needed and thinking I’ll regret leaving.

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DontPressSendTooSoon Mon 01-Jul-19 09:31:48

I didn't take a big break, but was worried about the impact of having a short lived job on my CV. It wasn't as much of an issue as I'd feared. I was honest about my reasons... Job not what I thought it would be/ too junior as I didn't want the same thing happening twice.

The received wisdom from the many recruiters I spoke to was that one mistake in an otherwise stable career is ok, but no more. So choose carefully next time!

Isleepinahedgefund Mon 01-Jul-19 09:41:21

Can you take an unpaid career break instead? I'm also in CS and personally I wouldn't give up the benefits for the sake of one bad role/crap manager. There's other ways out than that. I'd keep my options open and actively look for other posts to apply for. Be honest with your manager that it's not working out.

I've got a shit CS post at the moment but at least my manager is amazing and I work with good people. Makes it easier to bide my time until I find another post.

What are the rest of the team like? And solidarity there? I was surprised at how many in my team also truly hate their jobs, we have a nice little social support group going on now.

Leavingthebeginning Mon 01-Jul-19 10:19:59

I’d love to take a career break, my manager needs to agree to this and I don’t think she will.

There are others in the team like yours that also hate their jobs, but no one that wants to verbalise it. A few have left the team because the role wasn’t what they were lead to believe, there no reflective thinking where this happens - these people are slated and it’s viewed as an opportunity to recruit new colleagues that will inject ‘fresh blood’.

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Isleepinahedgefund Mon 01-Jul-19 11:33:04

My job was totally missold to me too, their attitude is basically "well we needed your very specific skills and expertise" which is true but doesn't make it ok to basically lie about the role.

I'd suggest some tea point chats with your colleagues to get some solidarity going. It really will help.


Isleepinahedgefund Mon 01-Jul-19 11:35:04

Oh and do ask about the career break - if you don't ask, she can't say no and she might say yes.

Do a bit of research about it and the reasons do it - I don't have any examples to help sorry but someone must.

Also recommend calling your employer assistance programme helpline so you can talk it through with someone.

You really won't be the only person in the same position, I guarantee it.

Leavingthebeginning Mon 01-Jul-19 11:44:57

Thanks for the advice. I will ask about the career break. EAP have unfortunately been pretty useless. Hoping others have had a better experience.

Unfortunately the rest of the team are either looking for other jobs or keeping quiet as they’re on secondment and don’t want to be sent back to equally dire roles, although I do have food friends at work that I can vent at as and when.

At the moment I feel like I’m cracking up, my sleep is crazy affected and I’m in the mindset that there must be people out there that love their jobs - I’d love to feel like that!

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