This is going to be long, apologies but I really could do with some advice..............
A couple of years ago another colleague (let’s call her Abi) and I were asked if either of us would be interested in taking on responsibility for managing an additional office - at the time we were each in charge of our own site. We were both initially keen but then she withdrew when she realised I was also interested, leaving me the only one interested. The company could have advertised externally to make the process competitive, but decided just to “interview” me, following which I was offered the additional responsibility. It’s a fairly large company, so I don’t want to give the name....... let’s just refer to it as TC.
The two offices have around 30 staff in total, so not huge staff teams, but there’s little scope for doubling up of tasks, so it really has been like two separate roles. The deputy managers in each are fantastic and this has been a huge factor in the split working being a success.
Right from the get-go, Abi has seemed like she wanted me to fail at this. She’s in her late 40s and I’m 55, we’ve both been working in our industry for 25+ years (me 31 years), both our positions are about as secure as they get these days, I doubt either of us is looking for promotion, etc. There’s no need for competition between us, nor is either one of us having to impress people.
However, from Day 1 she has made a number of comments along the lines of “It’ll never work”, “you’ll never manage to do it”. Not in a caring way, but more in “I’m going to sit back and watch you fail, smile and then say I told you so”.
So, anyway, I started working over the two offices and, although I was putting in 50+ hour weeks for the first 9 months or so, we got everything back on track......... I should have said that the second office I took over had been in some trouble with the regulatory authority and had been in a sort of Special Measures scenario, which is why, I think, TC wanted to appoint someone whose work they knew as they couldn’t take the chance of another disaster.
For about the past six months, however, I’ve started to feel a bit overwhelmed by it, like I’m stressed out all the time. My sleep is affected - I often wake at 2/3am and don’t get back to sleep. I recently had a virus that floored me for about a week (I was off sick for 4 days) and even now I haven’t fully recovered - the GP said it could have been because I was run down. I’m also Mrs Narky-Nark. I still love my job but am wondering if I have indeed bitten off more than I can chew and that Abi was perhaps right all along. However, there are other things going on in my life that could equally be to blame for me feeling overly stressed - my DH is unwell and presently having hospital tests (there are markers that suggest a 25% likelihood of some sort of malignant tumour, meaning 75% chance it’s something benign, but still a worry), my 90-year-old DM has dementia and I visit her in the care home 4 times per week, and I’m menopausal.
Last week I was asked (informally during a chat) by one of the Management Board members how working the two sites was going. I was positive, not wanting to open a big can of worms, especially since it may not be work that’s stressing me out. She said they were going to review it after 3 years (which I already knew as they’d said so at the outset) and decide whether to leave things as they are or go for a dedicated manager (which is the structure in most of our offices). My DH says this is my opportunity to go back to the way things were.
I’d lose about £5,000 per year, but both myself and DH work full-time with ok salaries so the money isn’t the main concern. Of course, my main concern is Abi. And I know that this is pathetic, but I just can’t face the glee.
Any advice would be welcome and I won’t take criticism personally.
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Is this just a pride thing.........?
11 replies
CarolinaChina · 19/05/2019 20:32
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