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Angry and sad that junior colleagues have been promoted over me.

(102 Posts)
samsamsamsamsamsam Thu 16-May-19 21:14:33

I have just received an email to say that 2 of our team (of 5 who do the same job) have been made 'Senior'.

Both of them have been in the 'non senior' role for less than a year. And neither of them were Product Owners before.

At an appraisal earlier on this year, my boss gave me a raise and said that I had been doing very well and he was really happy with the way things were going, my team were churning out lots of good work (we work in development) - more so than any of the other 4 development teams.

At this appraisal, I obviously thanked him for the money and we chatted about what I wanted from the future - I said I wanted to be made senior (which is a logical step) and he agreed that if I nailed my objectives for q1 I would be made senior. Which I did.

Since then, everything has been going well, I thought. Boss continued to give great feedback in 121's etc.

And now this email.

One of the guys made senior is a good Product Owner, solid, and has delivered a great project in his first 6m in the job. But that is it. One project, in total. 6 months total working as a product owner (he was in a client facing role before) and now he's more senior than me.

The other guy, who has less experience, was a former developer who handed his notice in, and was offered this role as a carrot to stay. He has also delivered one good project. However, his second project was very delayed because he over-featured it and it was full of bugs. This was a small feature that was critical to our platform. So it shouldnt have been delayed, and it caused my team to have to step in and fix what was broken with his code. So this is the one that hurts to me. And I hate that it hurts me. But it feels like I am being demoted, rather than them being promoted if you see what I mean.

I have this feeling it's about availability. I have a child, so I can't travel to the other side of the world at a week notice to meet clients as they can. This scenario happened 2 weeks ago, and I had to say no, and so he got sent to Australia to meet some clients.

What can I do? I feel embarrassed about it. I hate that I feel emotional like this over a promotion.

7yo7yo Thu 16-May-19 21:15:45

I’d look for another job.
And take my experience and knowledge elsewhere.

BIWI Thu 16-May-19 21:17:24

What's stopping you from travelling?

titchy Thu 16-May-19 21:22:47

Honest conversation with line manager. In a day or two. Get all your points and evidence in a document to refer to. Don't whinge and say Bobs crap he didn't deserve it - talk about your achievements - you can include how you rescued Bob though. Jump ship if no satisfactory response.

samsamsamsamsamsam Thu 16-May-19 21:24:04

I can't do long haul travel because my child is 7, I don't have grandparents in the same city to care for her and DH was working in Sweden that week.

I do do short hop trips, Amsterdam, Krakow etc, but Sydney is at least a week away and I can't get the cover.

Pissed off that I have become 'emotional' over this.

But it feels very unjust.

BIWI Thu 16-May-19 21:25:59

If you want to progress you need to have some more formal childcare arrangements.

ChicCroissant Thu 16-May-19 21:26:01

If you heard about this today, the first day back (tomorrow) will feel terrible when you see them and then after that it is a lot easier, honest!

When you feel calmer about it, raise with your boss that he'd said this was a possibility for you if you met your Q1 targets - which you did - and what the next step is. Focus on what you need to do to achieve it, don't put the two that have got it down but keep the focus on the work you are doing.

If you don't want to travel and that's a part of the job, you can ask if that is an issue. The role probably always needed some travel though, has something changed in that respect?

ChicCroissant Thu 16-May-19 21:27:32

Cross-posted there, how often is your DH away?

samsamsamsamsamsam Thu 16-May-19 21:28:52

No the travel is usually fine - Long Haul is usually few a year, not too regular. I did long haul last year to san fran, but this time it was with less than a weeks notice and it clashed with DH's work trip so I couldn't do it.

maxbabi Thu 16-May-19 21:29:05

Can I ask if the two people promoted were male and you are female?
Assuming you work in an IT role too??
I worked in the city for many years and this happened all the time.
If its not sexism I apologise for raising this but I've seen too much of it to just let it go..

samsamsamsamsamsam Thu 16-May-19 21:29:20

DH is usually away 3 days a month

samsamsamsamsamsam Thu 16-May-19 21:30:32

yes, you are right, they are men and I am a woman.

StealthPolarBear Thu 16-May-19 21:32:05

"- I said I wanted to be made senior (which is a logical step) and he agreed that if I nailed my objectives for q1 I would be made senior. Which I did."
So have you gone back to him to ask when this will be happening?

samsamsamsamsamsam Thu 16-May-19 21:35:55

I haven't but I will be tomorrow or next week when I have calmed down.

I've just remembered something my boss said to me as well in the conversation about being made senior which is making me think he's a bullshitter. When I asked what would make a senior PO or what I could do to get there he said 'well it's all about experience really - and nailing your objectives' and yet these two people who have been promoted have, between them, less than 2 years experience full stop.

maxbabi Thu 16-May-19 21:37:19

And were the objectives written down?

StealthPolarBear Thu 16-May-19 21:37:41

Good luck. It sounds very frustrating

samsamsamsamsamsam Thu 16-May-19 21:44:58

Yes objectives are written down on a system called Lattice, web-based you go in and tick them off when you have done them.

WifOfBif Thu 16-May-19 21:47:27

Completely understand why your upset over this, I would be too.

Please raise it with your manager as others have said and start looking elsewhere if the response is less than satisfactory.

stressedoutpa Thu 16-May-19 21:55:44

Gather your thoughts and raise it after the weekend.

I'm annoyed on your behalf. Good suggestions above. Look for something else if your not happy with response.

namechanger0064 Thu 16-May-19 21:57:22

I work in a similar environment. You have to be more forceful with what you want and deserve in - especially in a male dominated industry. Don't look for excuses as to why you shouldn't get it (eg travel). I agree with others -you've kept to your end of the bargain now he needs to.

Blibbyblobby Thu 16-May-19 22:03:29

My guess is you aren't being promoted because you've been assessed as "solid reliable pair of hands" and they think you are not at risk of leaving.

I'm sorry, I've seen it happen to so many women in PM / Product Owner / Scrum master type roles. We pick up the pieces, keep things from going to shit and basically do the jobs that needs doing above the jobs we want to do, and as a result we get seen as steady but not transformative.

Whereas the (usually) guys have an attitude of "I'm only going to do the jobs I want, it's someone else's job to do the dull details" and actually deliver less but what they do deliver is shiny and new, so they get seen as high achievers who need to be courted and inspired.

Honestly, I'd start to (1) make it very clear you see yourself as someone with vision, and (2) make sure there is a not-too-subtle subtext of "and if I don't get projects that inspire me I'm off"

daisychain01 Fri 17-May-19 04:48:36

If you want to progress you need to have some more formal childcare arrangements

Whilst I agree with ensuring you set yourself up for success and do the best for your DC with stable childcare arrangements, equally you should not have to put up with this shit from your employer.

No way should you have someone coming in and getting their promotion after 6 months in role when you've met your objectives and doing a great job. They're letting you down.

Take it one step at a time. Plan an informal meeting to highlight your concerns about being overlooked while two men are given their promotion. Say you feel "disappointed" they aren't treating you equally. Ask them to specify exactly what their decision making process was and how they reached their conclusion. Make them justify themselves. You can do it - professionally and assertively.

If they minimise it and try to give you platitudes, act fast to put in a formal grievance. Don't let them get away with this appalling treatment.

daisychain01 Fri 17-May-19 04:55:27

Bear in mind, you having the burden of childcare makes you vulnerable to indirect discrimination - for example, if your male colleague can stay late, at short notice, network, do all the stuff that companies like but you can't because you have your family to consider. You should not have to be held back because of that, your employer should value your contributions during your hours of work.

DaffoDeffo Fri 17-May-19 05:18:54

This screams discrimination

I would go to your manager and ask why you were not given a senior role given you met all your objectives and you have more experience than the others

If you don't get a satisfactory answer, I would take it up with HR

If they mention the travel, I would make it clear that you can travel but just need forewarning (focus on the positive here not the negative) as you clearly can when possible.

DinkyTie Fri 17-May-19 06:07:55

If you want to progress you need to have some more formal childcare arrangements

What a shit thing to throw at OP. How many of us could have overnight childcare available at a week's notice? Nice blaming the OP there hmm

Speak to your manager, and I would also speak with HR to ensure they're aware of how you're feeling. It's rather typical for men to be promoted quicker unfortunately (l work in HR) so I would definitely be flagging all you've said.

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