New Employee trying to take over?

[Kitttykins]

So, this week my company hired a new employee and it is part of my job to do training with him. He is alot older than me and always worked in management and I feel like this is why he is trying to manage me. Everything was ok the first day, but now I feel like he is trying to manage me instead of the other way round.

This new employee has taken to telling me when to take my lunch (i did say no, I will go on lunch when I am ready) and has ordered me to do certain things because he is 'busy'

The final straw was the other day when he asked if another member of a completley different department could train him as he is older and has more experience. I did explain that my colleague works in a different area and does not know how to do the work we do, but if he is unhappy with something to let me know and we can work on it together. This new employee then proceeded to tell me how I wasn't qualified for training and that I didn't have the experience to adapt training to suit his needs and that he would like proper training off the job before coming in and doing it. I told my boss who seemed unconcerned and pretty much just told him to get on with it (it's admin work, who needs off site training for filing and inputting!?)

Since then it has got worse and he keeps telling me how to do my job and when I go to him with little mistakes he has made he tells me it must of been me who did them! I honestly don't know how to get through to him, I have tried being nice and helpful but now think I need to take a more direct route. The only problem is, technically I am not his manager and dont want to come across as if I am getting too big for my boots for when (because he definitely will) he complains to our boss.

Help!! How would you deal with this?

[Disfordarkchocolate]

He sounds a peach (or she). I think you're doing well, keep pushing back and be clear about what is expected for this role. It can be useful to follow up conversations with emails sometimes. Don't spend time apologising, it looks week to people like this.

[mimibunz]

Document every interaction, follow up emails, remain professional and positive. Is he temp or permanent? Are there any training opportunities you can sign up for to demonstrate your commitment to keeping yourself up-to-date with your skills and development?

[Kitttykins]

He is permanent unfortunately. I like the idea of emails, however we sit right next to eachother - our legs pretty much touch the double desk is that small - would emails seem a bit much?

[Disfordarkchocolate]

Emails are fine, doesn't matter where you sit. Don't forget he's at best your equal so don't let him manage you or act like he has authority he doesn't.

[daisychain01]

With all due respect, if he has been at Management level, it begs the question why he has taken on a job doing admin, filing and inputting.

Not in any way saying those aren't important activities, but perhaps it may explain why he's suffering self esteem problems in the role, if he's significantly mismatched to it.

[picklemepopcorn]

Lose the idea of being nice about it. He is used to more hierarchy and if you don't fill the space, he will.
Use short, firm language, possibly without eye contact. You aren't asking or explaining, you are telling/instructing. Don't wait for a response, just assume he will and walk away.

Stop thinking in terms of cooperating and team work- he isn't ready for that yet.

[TheSandgroper]

Someone on here a few months ago had a problem with a colleague. Boss was rather hands off so she decided to set up an entire training session with everything broken down.

I am not good at searching on here but perhaps someone clever can find it. Lots of people had good ideas about managing someone who didn’t want to be managed.

[Disfordarkchocolate]

I remember that thread TheSandgroper it was funny, the OP was amazing.

[museumum]

dont want to come across as if I am getting too big for my boots

STOP worrying about this ☝️ You are in the big boots cause you know the job. You’ve been asked to train him so your management obviously have confidence in you.
You’ll just need to push back on this, display confidence is the only way with people like this. If you’re deferential at all he’ll walk all over you.

[HouseOfGoldandBones]

You need to take control OP.

I would treat him the way to treat a toddler when they try to get their own way.

"It's time for your lunch"
"Oh dear, are you hungry? You're very much like my Dad, he gets grumpy when he's hungry too. I haven't decided when I'm going yet, but I'll make sure I give you some easy enough work to carry on with while I'm away. Now are you ok with what you're doing?"

[Kitttykins]

Hi everyone thank you for all the advice, I think that he is finally getting the hint that I will not back down!

He tried to argue with me about lunch times again today and wanted to go during our busiest period. A lot of shouting on his part later and a phone call about how unreasonable I am being to my boss (who stuck up for me ) he has finally learnt when he can take his lunch!

Plus my boss has now confirmed to both him and me that I am in charge and he needs to treat me as he would a manager!

Thank you everyone for getting me through the worst.. hopefully he becomes more bearable now

[sackrifice]

He tried to argue with me about lunch times again today and wanted to go during our busiest period. A lot of shouting on his part later and a phone call about how unreasonable I am being to my boss (who stuck up for me grin) he has finally learnt when he can take his lunch!

Not being funny, but why are you keeping him on? He clearly cannot take direction from a female, which shows he is sexist and he is alrady arguing with your boss?

You and your boss need to let him go. He is telling you who he is, and you all need to act on this before it is too late.

[Gazelda]

This ^

He's been there a week, has fallen out with his trainer and argued with his boss

I'd expect him to be called in for a review meeting very, very soon.

[Kitttykins]

That's what I am hoping. He is not a very nice person so hopefully they realise this soon

[Kitttykins]

I have said my experience with him, so fingers crossed they listen..

[LizB62A]

It's pretty standard to have a probationary period for a new employee (it's 3 months at our company)
Does your place have the same policy? i.e. can you get rid at the end of his probationary period if he doesn't settle down?

[Mitzimaybe]

LizB62A An employer can get rid of someone for any reason at any time within the first 12 months (or it might even be 2 years) as long as it's not for discriminatory reasons. Probationary period or no probationary period. There is no employment protection against unfair dismissal for the first year (unless discrimination.)

[LizB62A]

@Mitzimaybe - I didn't know that, interesting....

[sackrifice]

It is 2 years. But the longer it goes on the more wasted time and money when you could hire someone professional.

[daisychain01]

You don't have to wait to the end of probation to tell someone they aren't working out. The decent thing to do in this case is to give him a week's notice or whatever is in his contract if the decision is he doesn't suit the role. Sounds like he's way too qualified in the role with unsuitable skills and mismatch of expectations. In the right role he could behave differently, but that's not your problem.